I had everything going for me before college. I grew up in a great family, we loved each other, and I had an awesome relationship with God. Seriously, he was my best friend. One of the things I couldn’t understand, though, was grace. How the hell could he put the sins of nations onto one man and just forget what we’ve done?
Im in college now. I wanted to die 5 times in the last 2 years. I just couldn’t make the pain stop. So I let go of my faith in God. I don’t really care about sin, being reckless, or being happy. The only thing I care about is making through another birthday, keeping my family from falling apart, and if I’m depressed I can numb it with a hit.
I need someone who cares about death, just to help me through my poisoned thinking that always comes with depression. Am I going to hell if I kill myself? Right now I don’t care where I go, just as long as the pain can stop.
9 comments
I kind of give up my faith aswell I’m a Christain but we’re was got when I put the razor to my wrist ? Or swollowed a bunch of pills ? I’m still here suffering
Most Christians would argue that God allows you to exercise your own free will, without interfering.
Personally, I don’t have any answers.
jrmeador94,
You will not go to hell, but you don’t want to dwell on killing yourself either, OK so you thought about it, now that you thought about it, think of something else.
I wish I could stop your pain for you. I wish I could stop everyone’s pain here. But life seems to be a struggle for some reason, a reason I can’t fathom. Even in times when things seem good, there’s always something tragic laying in wait around the corner. I personally don’t get it and wrestle with the idea that those who have had enough and take the plunge may face a worse fate. I guess we’re just slated never to know, but I do hope things get better for you. It’s good that you do have family to be concerned about, not wanting to fall apart, not all of us do, and that’s not to make you feel guilty, it’s just sometimes it’s hard to see the things in our life that we do have to appreciate. Wishing you the best.
My life is Hell. You certainly dont want that. LOL
Just watched this movie..it theory was hell is the worst day of your life on replay.
That’s actually an interesting thing to think about, your objectively worst day in life
That’s actually kind of funny. My version of hell is a quote from Doctor Who: “I’m not scared of hell. It’s just heaven for bad people”. That’s actually why I have a hard time caring. I could do and get whatever I want. To be numb. A sociopath. Free of remorse…. The beginning of hell for every soul.
It made me think back to what was truly the worst day of my life…I remeber the last day that has haunted me the last two years