I thought I had met the most amazing guy and that he actually liked me. He promised me he would try to be with me despite it was against his religion (he is Muslim). We had a pregnancy scare but we thought it was nothing, and we went off for Winter Break. He wouldn’t even kiss me anymore because it was “wrong” but said he was trying his best to be ready for me. Once the break was over, I didn’t go back to uni and he just stopped talking to me. Soon after, I found out I was actually pregnant and he just pushed me away. He wouldn’t even talk to me when I went to uni to see him, he kept ignoring me. I found out he is being hooking up with other girls and he even made a new Tinder account. I left and he called me a liar and a whore because he didn’t believe I was pregnant (even thou I had a bump) or if I was, it wasn’t his because people told him lies about me sleeping with other guys (I had just slept with him at that time). I was depressed, didn’t take care of myself, and I recently had a miscarriage. Everything is wrong. I feel empty and alone. I couldn’t even tell him (he blocked me). Despite that, I miss him and I still have feelings for him. Is it so wrong?
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hi… nothing is harder than heartbreak.. I feel your pain..
He sounds like a douchebag. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay away from him. Having feelings is normal. It’s not wrong to still have feelings for someone, but ignoring logic, commonsense, and your better judgement is. Do try to stay away from him. He sounds like a shitty guy who will never be there for you. Pining over him will only cause you more pain and harm. Give it time. Your feelings for him will diminish over time. I’ve fallen for a douchebag before too, and he was also a Muslim. He pretends he’s a good religious person who didn’t do “bad” things, yet will take advantage of women and treat them like toys. Anyway, it hurts, but staying away from him will be the best thing for you.
We are living in different countries now.
The thing is I keep blaming myself for losing it.
You mean for losing the baby?
yes…
If you’re asking, yes I think it’s wrong to miss him. But nobody knows how or why love happens, so if you’re still hung up on him that doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it just means you are (or were) in love. Please don’t blame yourself for losing the baby. I am the result of an accidental pregnancy and parents that should never have been together. Children like me grow up with horrible issues no matter how good a parent you may be. We can’t shake the fact that we are an accident and that at least 1 parent wishes we never existed.
I know but like I would have loved him so much, and I made up my mind to have it.
When/if the time comes, I bet you’ll be a great mother. I hope you find a guy who will be as great as a father 🙂
It takes a long time to get over a miscarriage. I’ve been through it and was in a stable marriage. It is heart breaking and doubly o for you because you have no one to mourn with. Have you looked into up ort groups for miscarriage?
Maybe now is the wrong time. Maybe you’ll find someone who is loving, the right person, and have beautiful children with that person. Till then, don’t be too hard on yourself. I know, easier said than done.
I tried but there seems to be none in my country tbh.
Maybe something online? You could call your ob/gyn. They would know.
I tried something online. Is harder than it looks. I don’t have a specific gyn here because I just moved back from Canada.
Where are you?
South America
Oh. I don’t have any resource information about this topic for south america. There are a few around here they typically appear in the evenings who are south american. I’m hoping they see this and reply.
Hopefully. The worst part is that I’m here suffering because I lost my baby and I miss him and he is probably having fun with lots of girls in uni.
I hate to agree with you, but he is most likely having fun with lots of girls. Which totally sucks. I mean sucks in the kind of way that makes a black hole seem shallow. But you need to start walking forward in your life. As you walk you will leave him behind. It won’t be some kind of magical thing that happens over night either, it will be slow, and bumpy. Some days will be decent, some will be awful but one day you will wake up and forget to think about him. Then two days will go by and eventually he will be a memory. If you do it right he will be a pleasant memory, because while you were with him it was very pleasant, it is just the moving on part that is not so pleasant.
As for the child you lost, he or she (we called ours little lentil we never know if lentil was a boy or girl) will always be part of your heart. Little lentil is a very sweet part of my heart. I like to think she never left me. I still choke up thinking about her and it happened 8 years ago.
It seems impossible now. It hurts so much and I keep overthinking it, and what could have been. The what ifs are killing me. And, it was a boy or at least that’s what I believe.
It may help to think of him as a boy and even give him a name. It helped me a lot. The what if’s were a loop in my mind made worse knowing that it might have been my last chance to have children since I was in early menopause and my doctor told me things wre pretty much over.
It takes a long time for the hormones to work their way out of your body, which contributes to the what if thoughts and the grief, add to that the fact the man you love left you high and try, and frankly it is no surprise you find yourself here at SP on a random Tuesday night. I will tell you it does get better, but you need to let the grief out, you need to allow yourself to feel and and work through it. talking make a huge difference, it really does. It makes it real and when it is real your mind can better process it.
I feel like I wanna off myself. No one around me understands what I’m going through and thinks I’m overreacting. Plus, I wish I was in Canada and could stop the what if’s thoughts. I wish someone would love me and support me. I’m so scared to love again too.
That kind of grief is normal for what you have just gone through. There are a lot of people on this forum that completely understand what you are going though. I personally do not think you are over reacting. I did some pretty odd shit after I miscarried. Thing that I am a little embarrassed to admit but I’m going to tell you, just so you don’t feel alone.
I obsessed about the fact that all the tiny babies that died through miscarriage were being buried without decent burial clothing. So I called up all the hospitals around me and offered to donate tiny funeral shrouds for any family that needed them. Custom made by your truly. I offered selections in organic, brocade and fleece. I kid you not, I actually did this. The hospitals were very understanding. I told them why I was doing it, that I had miscarried and there were mothers out there that were grieving and didn’t have funeral shrouds for their tiny babies. They thanked me and told me they would discuss it with their hospital administration. They never got back to me, but that is okay, it helped me work through my grief knowing that I had offered to help all those women out there.
and you don’t need to love again. Not now not ever. Unless you are ready, and you may not be ready for an awful long time. That is okay too. Work on loving yourself and walking forward.
That made me feel a little bit better, but I don’t know how to stop the suicidal thoughts. I feel worthless, I just wish not to wake up anymore.
That is to be expected. Ride it like a tsunami. I like to think of that kind of grief as a tidal wave. It comes crashing in and crashes over and over and I feel like it is never going to end, that dying is the only way to stop the pain. But then the waves become less and less until finally, thankfully, the ocean is warm and gentle and I float on my back and it is ok, not great, no hallmark moment mind you, but OK. Being OK is the start of rebuilding your life.
But it takes time. If you feel like you are going to act on this, just simply go to the hospital. Don’t think about it, just do it. You can keep posting here too, the folks here are really understanding. There are always people lurking around. There are some fun posts too, that get really silly and sometimes just plain hilarious. When you are ready have some fun. It is okay to laugh, smile then fall down weeping. It is part of the process. You can get through this. Part of the trick is to just let yourself throw the human card, because you are a wonderful human that has been through tragedy. Only you can decide how that plays out, what that looks like. There is only one right way to work through this, that is your own way, not anyone else’s. I like to tell the people on this forum that they are just the right kind of crazy.
We don’t have that kind of help here. Not that I know of. There’s no Emergency Room per sé. It sucks. We don’t even have a 24/7 suicide prevention line or anything whatsoever. I hate living here.
No. What you are feeling isn’t wrong.