i dont know

I just found this website and saw that many people write on here and I decided to do the same. Unlike most of you guys here, I’m a freshman, in high school. When I was small I was born with a defect to my eyes and I realized that this little boy in second grade? was an asshole to me. I also realized that one of my teacher I thought was one of my best teachers also treated me unfairly. In fifth grade, my classmates would always call me ugly and some talked about my eyes. They didn’t really bully me but yea. In seventh grade, my pe teacher really pushed me. I lost a lot of weight. I felt a little bit more confident. Until this little boy who walked in the same direction I did , called me ugly. And another problem started in seventh grade( problem 2)that made the boys hate me. I don’t really want to say it but it ruined everything. I also had family problems. It was hard for me. My grades dropped. Downnn.In eight grade I became a little more girly and gained a little weigh(still under 100 pounds though). That year sucked too. So freshman year came and I was hoping the problem that ruined two years of my life would disappear. It didn’t. Although my weird eye became more normal so theres a problem that disappeared.I started wearing makeup and attracted some guys attention. But when they found out I had the problem (problem 2) they looked at me in disgust. My priest dissed my twice bc he found out too. Nowadays I just feel so tired and I cry all the time. I think of killing my self so I can be released from this. It probably sounds like nothing and it probably sounds like I’m weak but I’m not really going into detail so. Walking around school, going to my classes. I have to run out the door right when the bell rings just so I don’t have to run into that much people. Its hard. Theres also a girl next to me who is having problems with her father. I guess that why she hates on everyone and when I present or when I leave and come back her and the girls behind me always laugh. But whatever rite. I always imagine what would happen if I killed myself. I just lay in bed and cry.