I don’t see a reason not to

I’ve been flirting with suicide a lot more lately, and I’ve realized that it’s the only way out of the mess called my life. It’s shitty, but it’s what it is. I wasn’t blessed with a good life or happiness, I don’t get the same things other people get. This isn’t a suicide note or anything, just writing my feelings. But I’ve realized that the only thing stopping me from killing myself is fear. It’s a cliché fear but I don’t want to stop existing for eternity. I just want to be happier. And there’s a tiny bit of hope that I’ll finally be happy and at peace when I end it. I’m probably wrong but all you can have is hope, faith, and belief. So that I shall keep. I wonder what I did to deserve all of this pain and loneliness, I continuously wonder. But I haven’t come to a conclusion on that. There are a lot of things I wonder, like why everyone hates me, or just couldn’t care less about me. Why I got a life filled with so much hurt and so many other people get all of these great things. Everyone has someone, even if it’s just one person. I have absolutely no one, and it’s just become too much to cope with. So I’m going to end my life, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few months, but that will be the one I get in this life that’s all mine to decide and make what I want out of it. I really don’t anyone’s gonna care that I died, I think a lot will be happy, one less mouth to feed, right. I’m just kind of waiting for the perfect moment, when I know what I have to do and how to do it. Please don’t pity me or anything, I’m not writing this for people to feel bad for me and I can already see the hate comments coming lol. I really just wrote this to vent, and I feel this to be the safest place I’ve found so far where I can do that. If you actually read this thank you, have a great day/night.