What are your experiences in how depression has effected your friendships and relationships? With past girlfriends it’s always been an issue between us, and I just lost a friend because any good qualities I had were “overwritten” by depression. I’m looking for advice. I’m tired of being so alone. I just don’t think I can change the fact that I want to die.
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Thats how it goes eventually they will all leave you. It is extremely sad and breaking to say, but thats what I have been through family will disown you, friends will not come around anymore and even avoid places you ‘may’ be.
I sabotage anything that comes my way. Just recently I had some date(s) after several years. I either kill the mood the moment things start to get favorable or do my “favorite” – I simply start to forget. I literally start to forget checking new messages and responding to them, on my last date I was even late, since I forgot about it, just one hour later after we confirmed it! If she didn’t remind me that I was supposed to meet her already, I wouldn’t even go on that day. It’s not even intentional.
Another instance: a beautiful women puts her arm on my thigh under the table and keeps it there for several minutes. What I do? I simply act as if nothing happened.
I just don’t believe any women could honestly want me, maybe except for some occasional fun, but definitely not for a relationship, let alone love me. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love. I just don’t believe it could happen to me.
About friendships – I knew I was getting annoying by repeatedly dumping all of my issues on my friends and I had plenty of friends at that time, so the pressure was well spread, yet I managed to lose some of them. When it started to severely impact even the friendships with my best friend, I started to withdraw and keep most of the stuff for myself and later vented mostly by this page, so I didn’t feel such urge to talk to bother my friends so much. Even while I don’t post most of the stuff I write it helps. I just keep it as drafts or straightforward delete them.
It’s not that my friends didn’t care. Actually they did. But I understand how exhausting it could have been on them, that they always tried to help and it never worked.
I’ve also grown wary of new friendships, since I had been left down by people who weren’t supposed to let me down, but I don’t blame them. Actually I judge them for not “dumping” me sooner. I don’t any new person get too close to me anymore and always suspect them of something sinister or of simply not really caring about me.
I do that too – write stuff then delete it.
I used to write a lot even before I found this site or even had internet. I kept most of it just for myself, but I did show few to my friends back in the old days. I still have a lot of those old “entires”. It’s really depressing to read through them and watch how I regressed/evolved over the years. And to realize that more or less I felt this way even lojger than I can remember. I guess I keep them as a reminder of who I am and from where I came. I wanted to burn them several times, though.
*even longer than I can remember
For me, depression has eroded 95% of my desire to have a romantic relationship, so I haven’t had one in years. As for friendships, my only advice is to be very careful about how much you vent to them. If someone feels like they have to listen to your problems more than they are comfortable with, they will eventually get fed up with it. A while ago I had a friend freeze me out for a few weeks because I was talking too much about my problems, but we were able to reconcile after that. Hopefully you and your friend will be able to make up as well.
I came close to ruining my relationship, although it is okay right now. I have a couple of casual friends, but my only close friend lives across the country and we only talk about every other month. I even lost my primary care physician of 15 years because I was having difficulty with my memory and missed two appointments.
I will give this advice: behavior is extremely important, and if you are forgetful don’t make appts or plans. That’s what I have learned.
Oh, I have also learned that even trying to make friends with similar problems doesn’t work. Thought I was onto something with that one, but nope.
Due to depression ive had no meaningful relationships or friendships at all. I wish I could help more than that
whydoiwantto, it’s hard to make a keep relationships when your depressed all the time and talking about dying, you’d be a bummer to be around, sometimes you need not to tell the whole truth, put on a happy face and be fun to be around, even if you don’t feel that way. you catch more bee’s with honey and not shit.
I lost most my friends… I just like to get rid of people before they get rid of me. I actually just did that recently. Also my bf also has depression too and will randomly break up with me and tell me really shitty things.
Definitely a wall between my wife and me. This has developed into a no talk each other except for the basics.
Now I just want it over so I can be alone.
Depression wins.
I beg for a quick death.
Relationships and marriages can be repaired. Have you considered couple’s therapy, or a romantic getaway? Maybe go on a cruise together? It could help you with communication.
@OP: I also avoid people due to depression. I care, but I don’t want to talk about my issues. One can only say so much before others get tired of hearing it. Best if I keep my thoughts to myself, and try to reconnect with friends when I’m feeling alright, or if they happen to track me down (I do like feeling needed). Alternatively, I could be a recluse and stay alone, perhaps. (I go back and forth on that one.) Living an anonymous, solitary existence is actually refreshing. I’d suggest it to anyone who is becoming sick of dealing with people. When I’m lonely, I remind myself that it’s better than the alternative (being surrounded by folks who might cause complications which would then make my life more miserable).
@Gary – The first paragraph above (in case that wasn’t clear).
Yep. People are shitty. It’s really hard to tell whose got your back and who you would just call a “fairweather” friend, until you actually need someone to have your back. It doesn’t say anything about you, it’s like, everybody’s got problems. No it says something about them, that they’re not worth a damn for not helping a friend, like, what are friends for if they’re not gonna be friends? Fuck em. I just get real disappointed in people sometimes, cuz I treat them with respect and then they go and act like some peice.