so I’ve recently heard the piece of advice from lots of people- on here and in real life- to remember that parents are only human. I appreciate the advice and yes, I do in fact realize that my parents are also prone to mistakes.
but I know when people mean what they say. my mother is a lawyer for a living. obviously this does not mean that she says the right thing all the time, or that she doesn’t have outbursts of things she doesn’t really mean. but she literally reads contracts to make sure people say what they mean so that they can be legally held to it later. if she wanted to revoke something she said, she damned well knows how, and has had weeks to do it. I’m fucking tired of people telling me my own damn mother doesn’t know what she means when she tells me what she thinks of me.
and you know what isn’t human? not resenting a leech in your side. any sane person resents a nuisance that only saps resources for absolutely nothing in return. so a leech is essentially what I am. I’ve told her so before and she cannot even deny it.
and while I’m ranting on this, I hate being told it’s not my job to protect her from me. if I can decrease the amount of blood I leech from her, why, in God’s name, should I not? yeah, it was her choice to bring me into this world, but now she can’t pull me off and I am old enough and self-aware enough to know what my existence steals from her. how dare they tell me I should not protect her from the parts of me that are anything less than what she deserves?
I love her so much. There is nothing that could make me stop loving her and nothing that I would not do for her. When I sound resentful it’s only because I know she can’t love me as unconditionally as I love her, but I also know it’s not her fault. She has far fewer flaws than I do and is infinitely easier to love than I am.
2 comments
Hey 4beyondhelp, I’m not sure how old you are, or your whole situation, I can only comment on what I’ve read here. But I’m older with grown children, my oldest will be 28 this year. I do know that life didn’t provide me with any learning manuals when it came to growing up, starting and keeping a relationship, or raising children. All of it was trial and error. And I learned from my mistakes and tried not to make them again. Now im not going to sit here and tell you not to protect your mom, even from yourself if that’s the way you feel. But I will say this, You have to cut yourself some slack and try not to be so hard on you. And I went through something similar with my daughter and she told me the same thing pretty much that you said. And I’ll tell you what I told her. Even if you don’t think so, I couldn’t love you any more than I do, and I might not always show it, but you have made me so proud. And as far as being a leech. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t give her 🙂 you are we do make mistakes, not because we’re parents, it’s because we’re human, I don’t know if this helps you any,but I hope it does. And again, don’t be so hard on yourself
What make the family dynamic and a professional relationship so different is that one is personal. When things are personal it’s likely that emotions are involved and as a result clear, rational thinking goes out the window. It’s not fair to compare professional and family relationships, try to not take it personally. Sometimes the opposite of what is apparent is true, people get so worked up or involved because they care. Sometimes they can even foresee a potential argument and know that it would be easier to not say anything. If it was a stranger who they did not care for they would most likely take the easy road and not say anything.