I haven´t written here for a long time. When found this site I was really messed up. I didn´t know what to do with my life. I still don´t know. I like to think that my depression doesn´t rule my life. That I can control it but sometimes I still fail. I have made peace with it. Atleast I hope so.
Tomorrow is my 18-th birthday. A few years back I was sure that my 17- th would be my last. Thankful it wasn´t. I lived to fight another year with my inner darkness. This year has thought me a lot. I fell in love. i think i did. Also I got my heart broken or was it my pride that got broken. I don´t really know. Still I am thankful for it. And the guy really has no idea what he lost. I discoverd that I can still live on, that I still love life. Even if sometimes I feel like I am drowning. That I have no power over my life. Sometimes I am just looking outside in. I see myself just walking, not realizing what is around me. I see that I am going with the flow. Like the rest of them. I love life and I am not giving up. It really is a struggle. I have lived longer then I could have ever dreamed of. So, that should count for something.
11 comments
Hellz yea it should. It’s a time to celebrate.
I have my whole life ahead of me. My two frends are planning something for me next weekend, a suprise party I think. That will be the first step.
You’ve already taken the first step makin it this long. Jus keep goin, your almost too the top already
Maybe. Sometimes I just do what others want. I don´t really know what I want.
Nobody really knows what they want, you just gotta try things out and hope it works out. And decide for yourself if you like it or not, don’t let others tell you what to do. They care for you, but they also need to let you do your own thing, do what you gotta do.
I hope they do, but I can´t really be sure about that. I feel like I am failure even when i know I am not. It is just so messed up. I want to become a writer or actress but I am afraid of performing infront of people. Like they are going to judge me.
This is an awesome story. It’s true, if you enter the creative fields, be prepared to be judged… everyone’s a fucken critic! Just stay true to your work, take on the constructive stuff, ignore the unhelpful stuff, and knock em dead.
I know that. And I am my biggest critic. I can´t really even read the stuff I write more than a few times. But I know that there is power inside of me that wants to come out. I am just afraid of that nobody would understand or even like the things I write about. I want to help somebody through the stuff I have gone through and someways still am.
Has anyone else ever read your stuff? Sometimes it helps – I used a school project as an excuse to spend three months writing and though I didn’t think it was that great almost everyone who read it said that I should try to get it published. Haven’t yet, I still don’t have the confidence, but maybe you could try having someone read it too? (I commend you if you’ve actually finished anything, I have problems in that field.) If it’s power then it’s power, and that’s more than you could say about a lot of writers. And remember, everyone likes reading different things. Just try. And maybe if you succeed I’ll stop being a hypocrite and try too. 🙂
Wish i woulda published my shit. don’t make the same mistake
I have mostly written essays and that sort of stuff. But at the same time there are so many different storys in my head, characters who want to come out. At the same time I am afraid to it, because it is something that truely me and I don´t know if I have the power to let people see my true colours.
My teachers have told me to write shorter and that I repeat myself a lot. Thats true but I don´t want to change that, because I am a person that repeats herself.. Also writing essays and storys is different. If I tryed I might be very good at it, but what if I am not. What if I don´t succeed. WHat will happen to me after that. I can´t win if I don´t try but also I can´t fail. It is so messed up. JUst like me.