I feel fat again…

For a few weeks, I was feeling great. The best id ever felt, I had so much courage from my friends and most importantly my bf. Yet I am getting into a state where I have begin to think I am over weight. I look in the mirror every day and hate my body, my skin, my size, everything. me. just me. I used to not eat at school, id never eat breakfast. I still dont and cant remember the last time I did. I would tell friends at school I ate breakfast so they wouldn’t worry about me not eating lunch. Id then tell my parents that I ate a hot meal at school so didn’t want any dinner. Id cry every night. Turn off my phone, I wanted no contact from anyone. I would spend hours in my bathroom on the floor crying. and I feel as if I want to make myself throw up again. I tried so fucking hard not to eat. But it takes so much effort. it was all I thought about. another day without eating. But after 3 weeks going every day like this, my best friend noticed and wouldn’t let me leave until he knew I ate. After that I began eating, not lots but something. Sometimes I would binge eat shit food, or go without eating hardly anyhing. I want to do that again. I have no idea what to do to give me the motivation, if I eat I end up hating myself and self harm to show myself im a disappointment