i continue to find myself in the same spot, trying to fight the impulse. the impulse to cut, to hit, to burn, to bruise- to destroy this vessel. this vessel that reminds me that i am nothing, that i will never amount to anything. i am useless. i am never the first choice. i am pitied. i am a puppet. i am alive so that my suffering may entertain those who induce it. i am worthless. i will never be worth anybody’s love. i will never be enough. i am nothing and i will always be nothing.
i am defined by my pain and i have lost all parts of myself that render me a “person”
i am a servant to the abuse
i have given up on trying to find someone who will stay, who will not inflict pain, who will not physically and emotionally enslave me.
4 comments
Yeah. I’m use to cutting myself because it feels better when I hurt myself than when others hurt me.
Don’t give up on finding someone
I sometimes want to but I know there’s people like me out there cause it’s just obvious
I find plenty of people. it’s just that none of them are safe, none of them are here to love me, only to torture me.
Its awful to be emotionally abused, and as you already know, it leaves emotional scars.
I don’t think of you as worthless, useless or someone to pity. I reckon you are goddamn strong for making it this far even though you went and still go through so much sh*t. Even though you’re tired, you’re still here.
As improbable as it may seem right now, I ‘m sure you’ll find someone who’ll love you and genuinely want the best for you one day. It might take months, years maybe, but you will find someone. I believe in you. I know I can’t erase all that abuse you went through and the scars, I just want you to know you are appreciated here on this website.