I wish my life didn’t suck so much.
I don’t have anything- bad health, little money, no job (disabled), no purpose, no partner, no real friends, I’m all alone with no reason to go on living other than the fact that we can’t easily and painlessly take our own lives.
I can’t enjoy anything bc I’m too sick to! Every day I wake up tired and fatigued, little energy to do anything. Can barely do the basics (shower, brushing teeth, etc) without feeling wiped out. And no, I have physical issues so it’s not just “go out for a walk, go exercise, go be productive!” I wish I could be productive but I physically am unable to, which takes a toll on my mental wellbeing bc I LIKE being productive and feel like sh*t when I’m not doing anything.
My life is wasting away bc nothing gets done. Nothing gets done bc I have no energy to do anything. Life is passing me by and I’m too sick to do much of anything. I’ve been sick for so long, since I was young. I feel ROBBED of a life. A REAL LIFE.
Anyway, I feel like such a sh*t. My body feels like sh*t every day and I wish I had SOMETHING going on for me in my life. I have nothing and no one. NO. ONE. I’m all alone here and I can barely take care of myself.
How do I go on with life when I don’t even have my own body anymore? My body doesn’t work anymore. It’s all constant pain, constant fatigue, and if I so much as eat something “wrong” (which could be anything and is all the time) my body goes into a tailspin?
FML FML FML
I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS SH*T
2 comments
Hey Eternal. Read every word. I relate to the “being all alone” aspect. It sucks to be alone, in my case I’ve done it to myself, but yeah, I feel you. Wish I had something real to offer.
hey Eternal
mate i couldn’t even begin to imagine what You’re going through
what You’re describing is a physical & psychological challenge that could easily break the strongest of spirits, i don’t doubt that one bit
but at the same time
i can tell You that, despite how dark & bleak it appears,
i still don’t see it as ‘Game Over’
because it isn’t
i feel
You probably understand that too
that, yes,
it’s horrible
but it’s not ‘un-livable’
because fact of the matter is
You *are* still alive
had it been ‘un-livable’
it would have been ‘un-survivable’… i.e. ‘fatal’…
& so You’d have been already dead
& wouldn’t be here writing about wishing it
: )
from that base-point, however,
one can ‘lift off’ in different directions
‘my life is horrible
but i *can*, at least theoretically for now,
still live it
now what?’
You
have gone in the direction of
‘why continue to live it
if it’s all suffering & zero productivity?’
i
would
very very modestly
like to suggest an ‘alternative course’
‘my life is horrible
but i *can*, at least theoretically for now,
still live it
after all
i *have* been *practically* living it in these same conditions for that long
now
owing to these conditions
i can Not do a whole bunch of stuff
fine
this un-qualifies a whole bunch of stuff
from earning the high-honor of being placed in my ‘Possible-To-Do’ List
now
What *can*
i actually do?
& at what pace & frequency
*suitable to me*
can i actually do it?’
Eternal
You are able to take care of at least the minimum self-care requirements
[breathing, healthy daily amounts of water & food & sleep [i hope], humane shelter, health-care [at least the minimum], hygiene-care]
& You have the basic finances to afford these tasks,
in addition to an internet connection, & access to a device to use it through…
mate
not only could we consider each & every one of these things to be, at least, a tiny glimmer of light for You within the vast sea of darkness You’re sailing through
but there’s also a whole lot one *can* still do with just these things covered
i think
possibly
part of the problem is that You’re measuring ‘productivity’
based on what ‘others’ or the ‘norm’ considers to be ‘productive’
i’m suggesting here
that You completely turn your back on anyone’s expectations or standards
& You design Your Very Own
make your own standards of
What is ‘Productivity’
What is ‘Productive’
What is ‘Important in Life’
What ‘Purpose(s) is\are there in Life’
What ‘Purpose(s) in Life do *i* *want\choose* AND *can* partake in’
& At what Pace & Frequency *can* i partake in it\them
?
Construct Your Very Own ‘World View’
based on Your Very Own ‘Current Capabilities & Limitations’
That’s a task by itself
something ‘Possible-To-Do’
: )
You ‘can’ write
that’s not a suggestion… or, maybe it is 😀
but i mean it now as a ‘statement’
You
Can
Write
As a fact…
You’re the one who wrote this post & all previous posts
& As a skill…
i read some of your posts
You have at minimum ‘a good sense’ of how to express yourself
&, i’d go further & say ‘a great potential’ in some form of ‘narration’
yes
writing children stories all the way to novels is one way to go
but there are so many things one can do just by writing
a very simple one of which
is talking to others near-by, or millions of miles away
& trying to help solve problems , fix issues, or heal wounds
add ‘reading\learning’ to that… You could go all the way up to becoming a distant-learning teacher\tutor… or psychotherapist : )
Eternal there’s So Much To Do in Life
A Whole Lot
& with internet,
A Whole Lot of that Whole Lot has become accessible
& do-able even to those who are bed-ridden [i pray for them & for You & all those in any form of suffering & trial]
but even before internet
& if some catastrophic event caused it to no longer be available to You
or to the world
in Your condition
There
is
Always
Thankfully
Still
‘Something’
Useful
One
Can
Do
You only need to define it to Yourself
on Your Own Terms
Design a World View… write it down
Use that World View to decide what’s worth doing in Life… Define a Purpose that *You* are capable of partaking in
Set out to pursue it
& take it one tiny small step at a time
Your own pace
Your own frequency
could be 1 single task a month
1 single task a year
1 single task a Life-Time even
as long as it’s Your choice
& has value & worth as a Purpose in
Your
World View
i know it’s too much to take in in just 1 comment
You stay & we can talk about it
: )