It’s been one big shit storm the past few months, with the past few weeks bringing more pain than I could bare. I botched an attempt two weeks ago which landed me in the hospital. As a result I have lost my apartment, my health insurance, my disability and my sanity. At almost 6 months pregnant my only options are to depend on my mentally unstable grandmother for assistance, and a “mother” who has her own life sort out. The pain, and uphill battle are too much to bare at this point, and I have checked into a hotel this evening with my helium materials and personal momento’s in tow. I want to thank everyone on this site who has tried to uplift me over the past few weeks, or just offer some friendly banter as a diversion even if temporary. I’ll report back if my attempt is unsuccessful. Even though this is the end of the road for me, I feel a weird sense of calmness I have never really experienced before. Thanks again everyone, this is a great place for people to turn to when they have nobody else. I wish everyone on this site well! If you don’t hear back from me during before checkout tomorrow, that means hopefully I have checked out! Hahaha Peace to all 🙂
11 comments
nikster…glad you feel at peace. it is too bad that your own option to find it brings you to your end. I wish you the best on your journey. And yes….this site is a great place for people to come. You know that well.
I’m so happy you will be at peace for the final hours of your life. Good bye, my friend. We will all miss you so much.
I hope you can finally find some peace, nikster. Good luck.
Glad you feel at peace. That calmness when you have a rational plan is amazing.
Remember keep thinking until the end, and never be scared to admit you are wrong.
Peace be with you
dawg
DEAR NIKOLE,
I TRULY UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN AND YOUR FEARS. I”VE BEEN THERE MYSELF MANY TIMES. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO SUFFER BUT I ALSO DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY FIRSTBORN CHILD. THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULD”NT GIVE IF I KNEW THAT IT WOULD GIVE YOU THE LIFE THAT YOU DESERVE. YOU’RE SO YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND INSANELY FUNNY. I CAN’T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU IN IT. I KNEW THAT THIS MOMENT WOULD COME SOMEDAY AND I HAVE TRIED TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR IT, BUT YOU JUST CAN’T AS MOTHER PREPARE FOR YOUR CHILD TO END HER LIFE. I PRAY FOR DIVINE INTERVENTION. I LOVE YOU NIKOLE
8-(
I feel sad and words fail me
Peace to you nikster.
I hope the end gives you painlessness that life could not.
I’m sorry I didn’t read this last night, nikster – maybe it’s too late now to say anything I would have liked. If you’re still here, please let us know.
nikster is alive and recovering.