I feel more and more exhausted every single day. It’s not a physical exhaustion…more of a mental and emotional exhaustion. My mind is constantly running. Running running running. I can’t ever get it to shut up. Unless I’m high. I’d love to just start cutting again, but I really don’t want to add anymore scars to my little collection. I already get looked at like I’m some sort of fucking parasite if I dare wear a tank top.
I really am on the verge of losing it. I don’t want to make my parents upset…after the last death, I couldn’t ever put my parents through that. Especially my dad. I also wouldn’t want to leave my kitty alone.
So I guess I just have to keep going. I just…would so much rather not. I wish I could be selfish.
3 comments
I know how you feel..i bet you cant sleep too well either though. My mind is always running too. Im glad you have things to make you keep going..please..keep going
I also don’t want to upset my parents, or the rest of my family for that matter. I feel like so much is expected of me. To perform well, and be normal when nothing inside feels normal. You should try to be selfish a little. Buy that piece of clothing you like, or indulge and treat yourself to a favorite snack. For me it’s the little things that help.
I feel the same. Selfish never seemed so happy. If only we could forget everything that we are trying to protect then we could stop this. Nothing would stop us. We could breath free and die free from the guilt and shame we try to avoid. you are not alone.