Its ironic really, Ever since my family died (my daughter died of leukemia) i have been battling with depression and have tried to kill myself a few times, i was only just able get somesort of life back this year, but now the optinion of life has been taken away from me.
I have bone cancer, stage 4. im as good as dead. So i guess this will prob be my last post.
Im glad really, all this time i have wanted to die so i could be with my family again, and my prayers have been answered.
I will prob make out my will this week, i guess i will give most of my stuff to charity, i dont really have anyone in my life anymore.
Theres no point to this post really, i guess im just saying goodbye.
“One_day”, “unique”,”life suck and then you die”, you guys have all spoke to me at one point or another on here and helped to to hold on a bit longer, but its out of my hands now. I have been suffering for nearly 4 years.
But no more, Amber, Sarah, i will be with you soon.
Goodbye all here on SP, I hope you all find the happiness i once had.
22 comments
There have been several cases in wihcih doctors give a window of time left… and the patient’s life greatly exceeds that window. I hope that each day you live life in the fullest. Hopefully, you have more time left than you think. No matter what happens, I wish you peace and happiness.
My peace and happiness died along time ago, Im not a person anymore, im just a husk, i died the day my daughter died.
Besides i dont plan on making it to the end of the cancer, Death by bone cancer is very painfull, so when my affairs are in order i will be departing, why wait when happiness is waiting beond this life for me.
Nice of you to wish me happiness when you dont know me…
Please just don’t give up. Because even though you miss your biological family, what of us here on SP? We are your family too as you are ours. So please don’t give up..try and have the will to heal or live longer, whichever, because sheer will to live is what keeps a lot of us going. Keeps us from dying from either our own methods or from natural causes. We have faith in you, even if you don’t know our faces or our voices. Please just try to hold out for as long as you can.
You have no idea what i have had to endure, im not saying ive had the worst life in the world or anything, but i cant handle the injustice that has happenend in my life,
And to what end am i holding on for aslong as i can? why should i?
Im sorry emotionlessandlost and distant.road, that was very rude of me, the things i said i mean, I just not in a good place right now.
Sorry, and goodbye.
But your good intentions would be better used elsewhere.
I’m sorry the option has been taken away…damn cancer being the sneaky thing that it is… Wish you did have some more time in this life, before there is pain, to experience a bit more of this one.
Anyhow, I do wish you the best and hope you can find some peace and happiness in whatever occurs. Sorry I didn’t get to know you better…
I’m sorry the option has been taken away…damn cancer being the sneaky thing that it is… Wish you did have some more time in this life, before there is pain, to experience a bit more of this one.
Anyhow, I do wish you the best and hope you can find some peace and happiness in whatever occurs. Sorry I didn’t get to know you better…
Did you listen to the music i sent you?
I did, its very relaxing and stimulating at the same, it has helped alot. I think im going to listen to Vivaldi’s winter on my death bed, its become a favourate.
It shouldnt end like this blue, you have been doing so well lately, is happiness not worth fighting for. Eve will never forgive you if you dont try and fight this!
I know there is treatments, you cant just give up. YOU NEVER GIVE UP
Eve will understand what i must do. What i have been through, she will understand. Im going to have to tell her tomorrow, i imagion she wont take it well.
Treatments, HA, I know the stats, 4% chance of surviving the surgery, It would be a waste of time.
Thanks for everything Unique, But this is where my journey ends. I hope we meet again under better circumstances.
I just deleted a very long speech i wrote to try and convince you to try the surgery. But then again who am i to advise you on this, It is your choice my friend, But that doesnt mean i have to like your decision.
Perhaps you shouldnt tell her, im not sure she could handle it, shit im sure i can handle it.
i’m so sorry for your pain.:( i’m sorry i never got to talk to you here,but i’m sending you lots of love and prayers to cope with this,whatever the outcome.about the surgery though-if it were me,if you have the financial resources,i would go through with it. it’s leaving it in the hands of God and fate,and if there is only a 4 percent chance of survival,it will be a peaceful and pain free way to go,if you do die,but you might survive.(you will be put to sleep during the procedure right?) my mom died of a brain tumor,and i had cancer as a young child. by the time my dad finally took me to the doctor,he said he didn’t feel comfortable going home because he knew i would die overnight without brain surgery,they told my family to say their goodbyes. but i lived,against all odds,and it’s never come back.this could happen to you too. my mom didn’t-so i’ve seen both outcomes.either way,i pray you find peace. *hug* i’m always here if you want to talk.
Thanks ellaChristina, Im sorry about your mother, and you having cancer. But im afraid your story hits closer than that, i was in your fathers shoes,My wife died giving birth to my daughter, and my daughter had cancer to, only she wasnt as lucky as you.
Will you do something for me, will you tell your father you love him the next time you see him, my Amber said that to me a few days before her time ended. Thinking of it allways makes me cry.
@ unique, i dont think eve would be to happy if i just droped dead, but i see your point, she would prob have a heart attack or sumthing knowing her.
And i know you can handle it, you helped me and you will help others, you will allways be strong. Trust me.
If you’ve followed me, you’ll know that my stance on suicide is that, i won’t stand in anyone’s way, as long as it is an informed carefully thought out decision that is made in sound mind.
My uncle had stage 4 brain cancer. He was told he had 3 months to live, go home and enjoy the time with his family. He was told the cancer was inoperable. Well, his sons didn’t accept that, or the second opinion, and did a whole bunch of independant research into cancer fighting foods, and got an appointment with one of the top neurosurgens in the world. 3 weeks on being on this cancer fighting diet (no sugar or carbs, loads of raw vegetables and medicinal marijuana), he went from being a vegetable to being able to walk a little, speak a little slowly. Then he went in for surgery with this world class neurosurgen, who managed to remove the tumour that everyone said was ‘inoperable’. He is now almost back to normal.
My point is, not all doctors are the same, medicine isn’t an exact science. There are other options, but… how much do you want it? I’m sure my uncle’s recovery is largely due to how hard he fought to hang on.
I respect your decision, but I’m not really convinced it’s made in sound mind. I think there’s still a question of a doubt. And as long as that exists, you do have a responsibility to at least address that question. Maybe in doing so, it will actually support your decision to suicide. At least though, you don’t have to feel bad about anything because you can honestly say you tried.
I’m sorry for all your suffering.
Im now considering logging off, theres too many convincing people in a very small space, and i dont want to change my mind.
@ One_day, Im glad for your uncle, life is prciuos when its happy. But i havnt been happy in a long time. thanks for your kind words.
But i just to be with my family again, its all i want. And im done waiting.
Eve is your family now.
I know shes just a GF, but you two have been through alot, she needs you.
Sorry. Far be it from me to dictate your decision. You have a great capacity for love and you deserve all the best.
i definitely will. i wish i could give you a real hug,but this will have to do.*hug* you sound like a wonderful person,and i know that your daughter and your wife are so blessed to have you.if you were my dad i would be so proud. i believe my mom is in heaven,and who knows,maybe she’s having tea with your wife and your daughter as we speak.:) i believe they are always with us,and we will get to see them someday.i hope we all get to hang out someday in heaven too.lots of love,Danielle
also,i don’t know your religious views,but this bible verse always comforts me. i hope it does you too.
Isaiah 57
1 The righteous perish,
and no one takes it to heart;
the devout are taken away,
and no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil.
2 Those who walk uprightly
enter into peace;
they find rest as they lie in death.
also if you’re still here,feel free to email me if you ever want to talk. ellachristina92@hotmail.com
did you log off?:(