Nobody will know what the fuck I’m talking about so don’t waste your time reading. This is just a marker for me and anyone else who happens to be familiar with recent Nobel prize winning philosophers, CNC machinery, the reason why time travel into the past is physically impossible, and the 19th century genius who was obsessed with trains (Boltzmann) who told us exactly why time travel into the past–or metaphorically speaking, the cure for depression–is impossible. I’m guessing that whittles the audience down to just me. In other words tl;dr

At the end of a famous book which no one has read all the way […]

Here’s a twist on the age old complaint of loneliness. Whether it makes a difference I don’t know, probably not.

Like the title says, my “problem” is that I just don’t like humans, and it’s not just that I haven’t met the right one. I’ve met some wonderful humans, even had great relationships that were better than any lovestory ever written. But the bottom line is I just don’t like humans they way they think, their polite hypocrisies without realizing it, or their outright malignity which we all keep under wraps.

Yeah I’m absolutely NOT excluding me from the set. If I met “me” I’d beat the […]

What if we’ve been dumbasses and have made all the wrong decisions in life? And hence we are in the situation we are in now?

We all like to think we are smart. And some of us are very academically smart. And some of us do have common sense.

BUT- What if we been making stupid ass choices? Choices that aren’t Necessarily obvious that it’s stupid?

Like choosing to go after career vs finding a soulmate.

Like choosing to stay home and hermit instead of going out, meeting ppl or just going for solo walks, Exercising, eating right, etc.

I mean, yes, when we get depressed, we don’t […]

I wanted to find similar people so we could relate and achieve things together

Another reason why America sucks:

“Loneliness has reached epidemic levels: the U.S. is among the top five loneliest countries studied, with 21% of Americans reporting feeling lonely always or almost always.“

February is half way done. Shortest month of the year. 11 weeks down. I’m close to being half way done. I hope. Actually I don’t need to really count anymore. Since I know for a fact that WPI isn’t an option anymore, I’m leaving the minute I get a job offer for an actual engineering position. Fuck whatever timed contract I signed. But I’m still going to keep track. Because if I don’t get one by the time 6 months is up, I might as well put a bullet in my brain.

PC is busted. […]

Britney Spears, Justin Bieber, Amanda Bynes, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Chandler from friends, Corey Feldman, McCauly Culkin, Brittany Murphy, Robin Williams, and a whole plethora of people- Have serious mental and addiction problems.

They all look glamorous on screen, but how many of them are STILL broken on the inside? (Or made broken by Hollywood)?

How many of our celebrities are happy and living great lives?

I only mention celebrities because these are people everyone knows.

Or maybe we are subject to the availability bias? Maybe it seems like most people in Hollywood are living bad lives bc They never show the good stories. […]

I haven’t been here in 2 years. Why am I back again? Why am I here at all? (Not sure, whether I mean this website or the actual planet) I even forgot what this website was called.. I’m glad I found it. Kinda. I have met so many unwell people, who then moved onto being happy. And it’s never happened to me… Who stays the same after 17 years? Where’s my glorious ending to the whole bitter route of despair? I haven’t changed one bit and I tried. I really did.

I’ve traveled, met some people, got medical questions answered, started cooking & baking (no more […]

Don’t you wish we could go back in time and do things differently? And mot make the “mistakes” that we made?

Instead of prioritizing education/work/career, we could have prioritized having fun, relaxing, finding our soulmates, and just living life.

Well, that’s just ONE of the things I’d do differently.

We were duped. Lied to. And we believed career was a ladder instead of a hamster wheel, a rat race we are doomed to run around in.

George Carlin was one of the best.
He knew all this shit 40 years ago.
One of the first people to start talking about these things that the public is only recently become aware and talking about.
He was way ahead of the times.

If only he was still alive to talk sense to idiot Americans.

Also gotta love how he’s a misanthropic curmudgeon.

Hm, I wonder if he was depressed? Considering how smart, how astute, and how perceptive he was.

I could be happy if I was in better circumstances

-living in a better apt/city/state/country.
-had enough money to never have to worry. Money = freedom
-if I had a purpose and knew what my purpose was
-if I found my “soul mate” and we’re having a great life together
-if my health improves

That’s basically the 4 things everyone needs in life to be happy:
-money
-purpose
-love
-health

Missing any of that and you’ll be depressed.

Everyone here is missing one of those things.

I am sad, upset and I can’t find a cure…

Exactly.

All these idiots yelling and screaming “it’s all about hard work and intelligence” are full of it, and refuses to admit the Advantage that they have. Especially the middle class income people when the poor gripe about the unfair advantage the middle class has.

Yet, Nonetheless, you will always hear “well I made it all on my own” from the mouths of upper middle class kids/adults.
Sure, you “Made it on your own.” If your mommy and daddy were poor, you sure wouldn’t be where you are now. NO ONE will admit this. It’s always “well I worked hard!!”

The average person thinks that
1- being rich makes you happy
2- being pretty makes you happy
3- being pretty gives you a great life
4- very successful ppl are happy and living great lives

No it does not. In Fact, most of these people are very unhappy on the inside.

Why? Bc of vultures, bc of users and narcissists, and psychopaths and sociopaths. And plain old jealous mfers.

Take a look at people like Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Amanda Bynes, Justin Bieber, Whitney Houston, etc.

And no, it is not just, “the industry. “

Beautiful and talented people tend to get used and manipulated and taken […]

How would you be, how would your life look like if other people didn’t damage it? Where would you be now?

Just deep depression.
stuck in a deep rut

There is no joy, no fun, not even a little bit.

There is no drive- how can one have drive in a system designed to keep you down?

Being born poor is like being handed a canoe with a giant hole in the middle, sinking, with NO oars.

I actually managed to get to “land” despite all that. only to get knocked off into the ocean again. This time without even a broken canoe.

Just me, no canoe, no oars, no life vest, and no one there to throw me one of those floaty donut things.

I’m […]

There are so many ppl living terrible lives, with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, living in poverty or near poverty. 61-67% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck and 50% do not have a $500 emergency savings.

Yet idiots are out there popping out tons of children. If you can’t even afford to give yourself a good life, how can you be out there popping out so many children?

Is that not negligence and child abuse to bring human beings into the world that you cannot adequately take care of- financially, physically and emotionally?

Does it make any sense to have children when you only see them […]

My suicidal struggles…
…personal accountability vs protecting others from my pathos (by hiding it, or minimizing it)
…reaching out for encouragement and hope vs knowing I am incapable of actually sustaining it.
…wanting my life to have a positive impact vs suicide negating any such positive impact.
…confiding in a friend/family member so that I feel connected vs deeply hurting that friend or family member when/if I remove life from my body.

Professional help is more than an oxymoron it dangerous and unaccountable pseudoscience. Unconventional thought is not synonymous with crazy, nor is it criminal.

Ah, but if I were crazy, then my crime, my offense, […]

Someone I care about keeps asking me how I am. What do I say when each answer is both truth and lie: great/terrible, strong/weak, hopeful/hopeless, faithful/fearful, solid/vapor? It is not my intention to be conflicted or confusing or mutable.

Yes, I am okay.
No, I am not okay.
Yes, I want to live and make a difference.
No, I want to this ineffectual life to be over.

I’m like a bunch of well used marbles. Some have retained their sparkle, while many are badly scuffed or chipped, ill suited for their original purpose. So pick a marble, any one, and what you see is the truth, […]

Love me some Lemon Demon. Of Course my dear friend Neil is only taking after a long line of alternative singers in being very sardonic in his approach to human relationships. He was influenced of course by the great Logan Whitehurst and They Might be Giants. My wife and I did actually go out for Valentines day last night and what music do you suppose came up while we were coming to and from the restaurant? Several of my more morbid picks;

Also, speaking of boozing, do you know what I had with my dinner? Second one I’ve had in two weeks, an old fashioned. I’m […]