please, please, please I really need it right now.
i don’t know how i’ll go on without it
I’m a mess
I hate everything about myself
I feel so uncomfortable in my appearance
i just get so depressed
I don’t belong
I used to be completely straight-edge, but now drugs look soappealing and I fear I’ll give in.
I’m worried about myself
Now what
Todays my birthday. I thought that maybe my “friends” would spend time with me today and be nice to me and act like I’m something special. Maybe two of them wished me happy birthday. Now I’m all by myself– physically. No one talks to me or sits with me, or eats lunch with me. Oh that’s right, its because you’re too lazy to go buy lunch. Well I’m sorry that you’re too lazy for me to eat, but you’re supposed to be my best friend and todays my birthday….
I guess I’m not eating lunch. Instead I’m sitting in a corner on a suicide website. I […]
Im alternating between eating disorders. I feel so fat and ugly. Nobody likes me. Sorry that I annoy everyone. You know, you might feel bad for yourself because I “cramp your style” or “make you uncomfortable”, but how do you think i feel to hate myself. To have a meltdown almost everyday in school, but have no where to go. My thighs now look like tigers, covered in the stripes I gave to myself from cutting in the bathroom. I have no self control. Its a bit understandable when I have no where to turn. The few friends I have really don’t like me, but […]
I can’t stand this. No one talks to me except to say “sorry†after they push me. People surround me in their own world—they don’t even see the girl next to them on a suicide website. All they see is a block sitting in the spot they want to stand in. I really hate these people. Always being a last-resort. Listening to them whine about nothing. On top of that I got an email from my dad this morning proclaiming that my life is at an all time low and that I should call him. I really hate everything right now. I feel so bad […]
My bdd has reached an all time high
I stand in front of the mirror and watch as my body grows
I feel gross
I used to be the skinny, gorgeous one
Now I always feel fat and ugly
Add that to my crappy personality and you have a real winner right?
I have no real friends, no one to talk to
I have a new addiction: sexting to random strangers online
i used to be the good girl
The attention makes me feel good, hot, strong
it’s also good for my social anxiety.
I wish I could be so confident with the people I know
No one around me knows my dirty little secret
What I am […]
My one friend left doesn’t live anywhere near me. I was supposed to spend the weekend at her house, and to be honest I couldn’t wait because I needed to tall her everything that’s been going on with me emotionally– she was the last thing keeping me from going over the edge. She just told me that lots of people are going to be at her house this weekend. I guess its a combination of my social anxiety and the fact that when Im around new and many people its just gives me depression meltdowns where I can’t even do anything about them, and just […]
I just left class saying I had to go to the bathroom. I’m in there now. I had to leave because just looking at everything around me- pipes, rough walls, windows- I can’t shake the feeling of pounding my head, scraping my skin, or falling through the glass with by blood punctured skin. Right now I’m punching myself. I have scrapes all over my arm. For some reason I want people to see, so they know that there is something deeper in me beyond the shallowness of high school. I just feel like such an outsider. All my issues would just be so easy to […]
I used to use tv as an escape. Like I hated my own life so much, though it was so pathetic and meaningless, that I would just sit and watch tv all day long- to get invested in character’s live and live vicariously through theres because they had something significant with their stories. Now just watching tv makes me feel even more depressed. I can’t stand the fact that my life is no where near what it should be and watching tv just makes met feel even more inadequate about my own. So now its like the only thing that kept me even somewhat sane […]
I went to school today. I waited for a few minutes before getting out of the car because i saw someone who might be my friend and I wanted to avoid talking to him. I got into school and in one way had all these thoughts rush into my head but also felt numb. I almost stared hyperventilating. When I saw my “group of friends” none of them even got up to hug me. I hate how I feel inadequate to the people who are supposed to be my close friends. i can’t even talk to them about anything even a little negative because it […]
all i need is a restart button
i need to stop thinking things through
I’ve screwed up my life way too much
theres nothing i want more to start over, have a fresh start, but thats not an option
i don’t think are going to get better
theres always that temptation..
but i think too much to do anything
no matter what I’m stuck right here
I don’t know what to do. I have incredibly low self esteem, depression, social anxiety disorder, and general anxiety disorder. I’m pretty sure I have BDD and potentially bulimia. School’s starting tomorrow. School makes me miserable. Between the uncomfortable out-of-placeless, awkwardness, loneliness, and constant fear and awareness of the thoughts of the people around me– aesthetically it’s just not a good fit. And that’s not taking into consideration the overwhelming stress of the schoolwork that for some reason doesn’t click with me. School all together is just a reminder of how pathetic I am. The trouble, however, is that despite the misery school inflicts upon […]
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