AfflictedSmile

Many of you may not be old enough to remember a time before Internet. I am sadly one of those old bastards that can remember what life was like before the dawn of the internet promising to write checks its ass couldn’t cash.
Brought about with it’s promises to simplify and make our lives easier. Promises and hopes of being more connected with friends and family.

Promises that were a load of shit. While I don’t know that I would necessarily want to go back to pre-internet and smart phone days, I can’t deny life was sweeter. And yes, it could just be my perception.

Social Media […]

Every year this damn thing comes around. While everyone loves my birthday because it falls on the 4th of July Holiday, it’s a mixed bag for me. I once loved it, back when I was a kid and I felt like I mattered in the world. Your family makes a big deal about it. For me, I had fireworks shot off every year. So you think it’s a deal. At least until you grow up enough to realize, you don’t matter. You’re really not important. Oh…and the the fireworks, they’re not for you.

I’ve long since cared about (my) birthdays. I don’t even honestly know how […]

It’s truly sad when you realize just how much you rely on certain people or animals to get you by, because your life sucks that bad without them. What’s sadder is you don’t realize your dependency on them until they leave you, and you feel like your heart has been filleted and your tiny little world begins to implode. I found out this week my favorite co-worker Carrie whom I’ve been working closely with over the past year is possibly transferring to another department in my organization.

I hate how my emotional state is tied to what someone at work is doing.  I wish I wasn’t […]

Long Post Warning: This is just something I need to get off my heart and mind. No reply necessary.

I never thought of myself as someone who sets fires, but maybe I am.  Maybe even just entertaining the thought of another woman is playing with fire. I’ve always been the overly cautious type that doesn’t want to get burnt or see others hurt and warns of the dangers. And yet here I am with match in one hand and the matchbox in the other.

So about a year ago I moved to a new position in my organization. And 2-3 months in a woman I’ll call ‘Katie”  […]

I found out this morning someone whom I’ve known for years took his life over the weekend. We’ve both been working for a non profit organization for almost 10 years and I’m deeply saddened. I wish I had taken the time to get to know him more, and maybe he would have known he had someone whom he could actually talk to.  We’re surrounded by people at work whom we share ”niceties” with, or what most most refer to as small talk. And honestly I’d just as soon skip the small talk with most people at work. They’re not bad people exactly, it’s just I […]

I have to know. I must know! haha I need to know ultraviolet. Don’t shut us out! 😀

password guesses so far:

(I don’t know if numbers can be used, or if low/uppercase matter?)

suicid

please

violet

123456

abcdef

ultrav

lonely

try your guesses and enter them here so we can crack this haha

I’ve always been intrigued by stories of people who have ”vanished” or walked away from their life. Did they start a new life, new identity and change their stripes? Or do they kill themselves with an old clothes hanger after a week being in a new town completely and utterly alone. Is it possible they left their old life, and all the baggage from it behind and found happiness in their new life. Maybe for 6 months they found freedom, but quickly realized change takes a lot more than relocating to a new zip code. Then they commit suicide with an old 84 Buick in […]

To quote Shawshank Redemption ”Andy crawled through 500 yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine! Or maybe I just don’t want to…” I’m not stupid enough to think I’ve had the hardest life compared to anyone else. Especially among the SP community. My life has been one hell of a roller coaster. From being molested at an early age, to being lied to about who my father was for years. To being stood up by my real father and never hearing from him again. Physically and emotionally abused by my step father for years. In and out of hospitals most of my life […]

I’ve always been intrigued by stories of people who have ”vanished” or walked away from their life. Did they start a new life, new identity and change their stripes? Or do they kill themselves with an old clothes hanger after a week being in a new town completely and utterly alone. Is it possible they left their old life, and all the baggage from it behind and found happiness in their new life. Maybe for 6 months they found freedom, but quickly realized change takes a lot more than relocating to a new zip code. Then they commit suicide with an old 84 Buick in […]