I want to be hugged, kissed, held just to be touched. But it’s the most painful thing for me to do and no one seems to understand that. It all feels sexual to me and disgusting and unnecessary. I’m sure that this all stems from being molested as a child. I wasn’t ever raped just touched inappropriately by older males so I really don’t get why its affecting me this much. I just imagine trying to date and not having an explanation as to why I don’t want to hug or touch. All things sexual bring the greatest feeling of disgust and sin and disappointment. […]
I’m tormented every single day of my life by so many things and I don’t know how to keep going. My aunt passed away a little over a month ago and it hurts just as much now as it did the day I found out. It hurts to know the death will soon be coming for my great aunt and grandmother whom I have lived with my whole life. When they die I will truly have nothing and no one in this world. I don’t think any amount of time can prepare me for when it happens. I can’t live my life!!! I cry all […]
I’ve lost 2 relatives that I was close to, both times I was woken up in the middle of the night and told they died. I get so afraid to sleep, in fact one of my worst fears is that I will loose my very closest and dearest loved ones while I sleep. I’ve had nightmares that it has happened and I wake up sobbing. My aunt died and they woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me. I have been battling some depression and Monday felt like a good day for me. Then I find out this morning that not […]
so hard that you almost feel like you are in the past again. Like all the hard work you’ve done to be a better person to have a better life just to end up right back at the bottom. This depression is eating away at me and it is truly agonizing I’ve gone such a long time without feeling suicidal. But yet some how I find myself wishing that I could just disappear and be done with life. I’m destined to be alone and I’m mortified by that because I know it’s true. I am so fucked up mentally and emotionally and every other way […]
When life has tainted you, it’s permanent. No matter how hard you try to change or deal with whatever issues it caused it doesn’t go away, because it is now part of who you are. At least that’s the case with me I can’t necessarily speak for others when it comes to this. I was sexually molested as a child and growing up all through my life. Not constant but there were intermittent instances and only 2 were more serious cases. I try to ignore the fact that it happened I never really think of it and I continue with my life. But the truth […]
Idk what it is but I’m depressed again like I was last year, only this time I think it’s worse. I do pretty well all other months but right after that second week of february hits so do the feelings. I feel such sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion and it literally sucks the life from me.
Not a single person knows this about me but I need sex to keep me sane otherwise my whole world crumbles. I’m not an addict I don’t have sex with anyone nor do I necessarily do it all the time. I’ve only been with 2 people one I was dating […]
i need to talk, i need the distraction. I’m so conflicted right now it is insane.
really bring out the darkness inside me. I try so fucken hard to excel to be a better person in spite of all the fucked up things that are my life. I try to be more understanding, forgiving, helpful, kind but GOD WTF is the point?!!!! People abuse the fuck out of that!!! WHY!??? I’m tired of trying to be the exception of trying to be one of the good people left but it is truly exhausting and hard and I want to give in. Seriously fuck it I’ll just be a selfish asshole like everyone else in the world. I have feelings for someone […]
I made friends with this amazing guy 2 years ago, I can’t even understand how or why?! I am such a crappy person sometimes and he accepts me. When I say he accepts me I mean in every single way you can think of. He has seen me with no make up hair a mess, clothes a mess. He has put up with me even when I lash out at him because I’m angry. He’s seen all sides of me and still stays in my life, I’ve called him crying and he listens to me and gives me advice. Granted we had a set back […]
I feel alone, really alone sometimes but it’s mostly my own choices that lead me to being alone. It’s not a painful type of alone it doesn’t torment me I can’t necessarily say its a loneliness. I feel sad about being alone I want someone to love but I think that will probably take awhile. Not sure if anyone keeps up with any of my posts on here or not so guess I’ll touch base on things. I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy I was best friends with for 6 years. I had known him 10 years, he was my first […]
whether I want it or not. I don’t want to cut myself nor do I want to die anymore the mere thought seems absurd to me. Sometimes it’s hard to believe I used to want to not only that but I attempted suicide countless times. Yay such a huge step but the truth is I’m still sad inside the only difference is I’d rather live with the sadness than die and feel nothing. I have so many issues that plague me for one I have become emotionally numb that or maybe I haven’t found anyone worth having feelings for. I use sex as some coping […]
Not sure if anyone has kept up with any of my posts. But back in October a very close relative I live with almost died, she stopped breathing. I had to perform CPR to try and keep her with me till paramedics arrived. She had a very slow and painful recovery and was released from the hospital a few weeks after. I made sure she took all necessary medications and constantly checked on her and made sure she was eating well. I took her out every sunday since then to have brunch at different places that she hasn’t been to. Because I figure some type […]
the emptiness coming back in and consuming me. I feel so alone, the holidays are coming up and my birthday is coming up. But honestly I have no one to celebrate with so what’s the point. On thanksgiving I will be home alone, no family, no food, even if I tried to plan something it would end up a mess. My birthday well forget that I’ll be lucky if anyone remembers or shows up. Christmas will be empty and I’ll bring in the new year alone what a wonderful thing. I’m so heart broken, sad and empty and it hurts to be alive right now. […]
to look around at this world, at the people in it. To see how horrible it has all become, how truly selfish and disgusting people are. I look around in the hopes of finding proof that good exists that there is still love out there somewhere. But the more I look the less I find and the more depressed I become. This world is truly awful and everyday is a battle to not conform to not become as horrible as everything and everyone around me.
There are certain triggers that will cause an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It doesn’t last very long but I feel it, I remember it. I have a relative who is sick and dying and I don’t have my life together so I can take care of them. I get so damn angry at myself I should have been done with college and had a good job by now. I’m going to school entering my senior year next semester working 2 jobs trying to stay a float with my tuition. I think I’m going to get a loan next semester and focus on taking my relative […]
Someone I love nearly died a week ago from today. I had a person that I developed a friendship with the past year and a half. They helped me out a lot, and quite honestly they surprised me. But when I was in the emergency room and I called them and texted them that I needed them I got no answer. They never bothered to see how I was doing or what had happened. But they had the time to get on social media but couldn’t bother to reply to me. I almost lost someone I loved and I was alone there was no one […]
is to watch a loved one slip away inching closer to death. Sunday night I watched as someone I loved struggled to breath due to respiratory issues. I watched their eyes roll back and their body stiffen and their lips pale from lack of oxygen. I jumped up the first second I noticed it and immediately called 911. I then carried them and placed them on the floor and did CPR trying with all my might to save them from death. I put an oxygen mask on their face and continued CPR until the paramedics arrived. They are alive but in critical condition and I […]
I don’t know but it’s some place I didn’t ever imagine I’d be. I always felt like I got dealt a shit hand in life and that no matter what I did nothing good would come my way. I half ass tried and dragged ass through life aimlessly, I couldn’t even be bothered to care about myself. I guess I never truly felt loved or wanted so maybe on a subconscious level I felt I didn’t deserve to feel that for myself. I cared and loved in all the wrong ways for all the wrong people. I got hurt so bad that it felt like […]
If you sit waiting for peace you will never find it. If you sit around simply hoping that life will get better that you will get a sign that there is a reason to continue, you will get nothing. ACTIONS, very important thing here. Without that you can’t expect anything. You have to do things to better your life and it’s not gonna happen over night maybe not in a week or a month or 5 months. Just think of it in terms of losing weight and getting toned, you can’t expect to be completely in shape in a month especially if you haven’t fully […]
is being alive but wishing to die. To be in so much mental and emotional pain that life loses meaning. It’s sad to constantly expect the worst from people and feeling guilty when you’re wrong and realize that people can surprise you. We live in our own hells that we’ve created for ourselves so lost in our own pain that we can’t focus long enough to figure a way out. I am free of many pains that I thought I would never stop feeling. I care for myself in ways I couldn’t even dream of, this time I’m not just saying it. I have sadness […]