Author

amberhaha

I’m not going back to old ways, buttt….

by amberhaha 5/20/2012

written by amberhaha

I’m scared.

I have no idea what to do. I think all this stress is getting to me. I want to go back and make everything better. I think Iâ€™m getting an eating disorder. I KNOW Iâ€™m not fat, but when I look at my self, I feelÂ disgusted. I never feel like Iâ€™m good enough. I messed up, and I canâ€™t fix it, no matter how bad I want too. I feel like my whole world is crashing down on me. Iâ€™m sick. Mentally andÂ physicality. I canâ€™t take it anymore.
I have these body pains that I know arenâ€™t normal. I donâ€™t like going to the […]

5/20/2012 1 comment

I’m better…?[:

by amberhaha 4/23/2012

written by amberhaha

I haven’t been on this site for a while, I don’t think many people paid attention to the few things I did write a while back, but if they did, thank you[:

I just reread the things I wrote, and I remember all the thoughts and feelings I had. I’m glad to say they are gone [:
I talked about my bestfriend once or twice in them. We went through this whole fighting and not talking thing for a little while there, now, he’s living with me, and we are dating 😀 I now know, he saved me. That one kid saved my whole life, and […]

4/23/2012 3 comments

Yesterday, Last night Actually, I did Something Stupid..

by amberhaha 12/14/2011

written by amberhaha

I took a whole bunch of pills, just enough to make me happy. And I was REALLY happy. I felt good. Â MyÂ best friendÂ told me not to do it any more, so I told him I wont. But I’m not so sure I can keep tat promise. IÂ haven’tÂ felt that good inÂ soÂ long.

12/14/2011 2 comments

Running away..?

by amberhaha 12/9/2011

written by amberhaha

I never ever have been afraid of death but when I think about me killing myself I get scared of the pain. I don’t want to go through ANY pain… And I don’t want my mom to drop outta school cuz of it. So I might just snap one day and end up running away.

12/9/2011 2 comments

Today…

by amberhaha 12/7/2011

written by amberhaha

was actually a pretty good day, I’m talking to my Bestfriend again, and I had no bad thoughts. I even woke up in a good mood and when thy happens I try to stay in a good mood. The only depressing thing is, I know these days don’t last. I know that at the end of the day I’m going to be laying in bed thinking. I hate right before I go to bed I just start thinking because I over think everything. And that’s where my depression is the worst. Let’s hope I can talk to my Bestfriend to night before bed. I’m not […]

12/7/2011 1 comment

Let me introduce myself…

by amberhaha 12/7/2011

written by amberhaha

I want people on here to understand me little bit more. My name is Amber King, I live in a small town called Twentynine Palms. It is located in California. I have 4 little brothers and sisters, and two dogs. I only have three real fears. The big one is loved ones dying. I hate people I love not being her. The second one is me getting hurt emotionally. No I’m not scared of me dying. I welcome it. I can’t wait for it actually. Now with the whole me getting hurt, even though Im not scared of death, I know the more emotionally hurt […]

12/7/2011 0 comment

I don’t know what I want anymore…

by amberhaha 12/7/2011

written by amberhaha

I get depressed, so I try to get all the negative outta my life, so I stop talking to my cousin. I feel lost. Start talking to her again. I don’t know what I want. I want out of here. But then again I wanna stay alive. I want to be happy, but honestly, I do not think there is any reason to be a live. We try so hard to get a good job and have all these nice things and for what? We are gonna die anyways and when we do we won’t care if we had an iPhone or a flip phone. […]

12/7/2011 1 comment

This is one side of me…

by amberhaha 12/6/2011

written by amberhaha

I figured it out, I have at lest three sides to me. In my mind, I have three little voices in my head. And at random times, one is louder than the others. Well right now is the side that wants to die, but won’t let my self do it. Other times it’s the happy me. The me I like. I’m happy when I’m around people more. The third side, oh god, is the side that gets louder at night…
Well I’m going to try a few more things to help get me outta this personal hell I’ve created for my self. I’m going to […]

12/6/2011 0 comment

Let’s try to explain this, once again.

by amberhaha 12/6/2011

written by amberhaha

Bare with me here, I have no idea how to explain this. I have tried to explain it to close friends and family and they all think they know how to help and start giving me all this attention then I feel more like crap. I honestly think this has more to do with depresstion. I think I’m legitimately insane. This isn’t me talking out of my a** either. I one second am happy as can be then the next I’m in tears then the next, oh god, I’m at the virge of killing my self. I have these horrible horrible thoughts about how I’m […]

12/6/2011 3 comments