I’m scared.

I have no idea what to do. I think all this stress is getting to me. I want to go back and make everything better. I think I’m getting an eating disorder. I KNOW I’m not fat, but when I look at my self, I feel disgusted. I never feel like I’m good enough. I messed up, and I can’t fix it, no matter how bad I want too. I feel like my whole world is crashing down on me. I’m sick. Mentally and physicality. I can’t take it anymore.
I have these body pains that I know aren’t normal. I don’t like going to the doctor because they can never find anything wrong. I don’t eat, because every time I do, I get sick, and also I feel fat and worthless and bad about eating.
I don’t have trust from my family. I screwed my MOM over. I have no trust left in this world. This isn’t how a teenager should feel. I feel like nothing is ever going to go my way, because I can’t do anything right the first time.
This isn’t what I want. I can’t take it. I HATE IT. This whole world is fucked up, and that kills me. This family is hard to be a part of. Nothing but fights. I swear.
The ONE person that can and does keep me happy and full of life, my parents hate his guts.
I can never sit down and explain these feelings, and I can’t tell my mom about them again. That would BREAK her heart, and I’ve done that too much lately. I hate it. I want to be on my own, to straighten things out, and make life how I want it. I can’t take this.

The number one killer in teens is suicide. This is because this world we live in is such a Hell hole and forces kids to want to end their lives. It make’s no sence though. Everyone knows why kids want to take their own life. Why they want to cut their selves. But yet, no one wants to help them?! No one wants to tell them its okay?! They wait til its too late, and then it all goes down hill from there. EVERYONE things that it’s attention seeking. That it’s all a show. THEN THE KID KILLS THEM SELF. It’s all real then. It all becomes a reality. yet no one helps other kids! THIS WORLD IS A SICK SICK PLACE.

Also, it’s all backwards. The deffinetion of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting the same results. This economy is in such a deep hole, and they expect to get out of it, but wont let us kids help! WE are the future of this nation, you’d think we would have more say in what goes on?

Then, the “grown ups” complain on how lazy we are? They tell us that our generation is the laziest generation, and that we aren’t going to do any good in this world if we are the way we are, but they have all these restrictions! We can’t do anything to help ourselves out, we are totally co-dependent.

It’s a never ending circle of lies and hatred. Kids hate the way their parents act, and parents hate the things there kids do.

Parents number one thing is “I was a kid once too. I know how they think.” It isn’t true. Things change, and the way things are today, the kids think 1000 times differently.
I don’t even think any of this made sense. And I don’t think anyone is going to read it. But if anyone does, then thanks [: