Having a another really bad night. Everything feels like it’s wrong in my world again. I’m so afraid of myself and can’t fully accept my reality. I honestly just want to feel genuinely loved. I think I have friends who love me but I don’t really feel anything from people regardless of that. My own self loathing is getting in the way of everything. I feel like my constant down personality is driving everyone away as well. Subconsciously I kind of want them gone at the same time as needing them. I fear that if people get too close they’ll discover the truth and desert me […]
It’s 5am where I am and I’m embarking on another night of staying up late, alone.
I really need to fix my sleeping schedule but no matter how early I try to go to bed, my thoughts keep me awake.
When I do actually succeed in being in bed asleep by 2am, I still sleep until past 3pm anyway because I just can’t get out of bed. I wake up a few times but then feel a crushing weight of “I can’t do this” and I go back to bed. I swear I only wake up to pee or else I’d never get up.
Does anyone have any […]
I woke up this morning covered in hives. I still feel an oncoming fever and my lymph nodes are swollen. It hurts to breath. I also have had years of reoccurring tonsilitis and stones and they are back too. I spent 7 hours last night trying to clean and reorganize my moldy, dusty, shared basement in an attempt to de litter my life and combat stress. But, it seems to have been a bad idea because now I’m soooo sick.
I was saying two days ago if I have to live in my awful house with this shitty life much longer, I think I’m going to […]
Woke up some time after 4pm again for the millionth time in a row when I could have been productive today. I know over sleeping makes your body feel worse but I just can’t will myself out of bed until I absolutely have to. Because of this, I eat one meal a day at most (the term meal used loosely).
Thinking about a commenters words of finding a calm place. I’m not really sure I have one. Sometimes sleep can be freeing, but tbh I am often plagued by reoccurring nightmares of traumatic experiences and will cry in my sleep. I never really feel well rested […]
Hi, “artaria” 21, gnc intersex/transgender and hating life
I’m almost 22 but I feel as if I am generations older from all of the messed up stuff that has happened in my life. Every year seems to have un-ending sadness and awful events. So many horrible things I couldn’t begin to list it all.
It is embarking on the anniversary of the last really big traumated thing to happen in my life last year. Months of intense emotional and physical abuse culminated to me finding myself in an even worse situation that I don’t really want to get into right now…
I still blame myself in a lot […]