I don’t know what has been happening recently. I just feel empty. Comfortable numb to quote a Pink Floyd song. The more I see myself the more I hate myself. I am starting an ana diet again tomorrow hopefully to drop 30+ pends in a week. I don’t feel anything anymore and my obsession with death has just increased instead of vanished. The only things I can feel is my self hatred. I am going to be an adult in a month, I graduated high school and I have to say, adulthood already sucks. The guy I am interested in simply confuses the shit out […]
behindthescene
so it’s been forever since i’ve been here.
i try to stay away, but no matter what i do i always end up on here. i tried to kill my self a few days ago. i haven’t gotten in to any college and my family makes me feel like a failure. my father is kicking me out and my mom is on drugs, but i’m most concerned with falling in love with one of my closest friends.
he he is absolutely amazing. his sense of humor is absolutely perfect, his smile makes me happy, and being around him as a whole just makes me feel so much […]
Kindness. I aspire to give it, but hate receiving it. It’s hard to discern kindness from pity. Many times they are intertwined. Receiving kindness to of pity.
How do yo pay back kindness or earn it? I sit something to be earned. What could I ever possibly do to repay it? I could work for her company and work my best at making her happy, but she would still be around me. What I could really do to repay kindness is remove myself from needing it in the first place. Remove myself from her life and her happiness so she may continue to live her happy […]
I don’t know what to do, or what to believe anymore.
My father is a manipulator and a liar. And a damn good one too. I tried to tell the police about his abuse, and he turned the tabled and put me in the psych ward.
He’s done it again and I have nowhere to go, and I don’t know what to do. The police will believe I did it to myself, even though I never did. My school will repot him and I will be beaten even more. My mother is psychotic. literally. Nobody understands and helps like you guys do, and I thank you for that.
I want […]
I turn 18 in 5 moths and 23 days which feels like decades away.
I want freedom and I want escape. I can’t turn to drugs because I will become addicted and I can’t end up like my mother.
I tried suicide and I can’t even do that right.
I am being abused and I can’t tell anyone about it.
My father is able to manipulate every situation around him so if I do anything about it he will find a way out he has for 16 years now. My mother is dead, and I have no other family. My baby brother will end up in the system if […]
I want to feel. I want to trust. I want to believe in the good that remains in this world.
I am so obsessed with being in control and keeping my vulnerability on a tight leash. Finding excuses to stay locked up away from everyone else.
I am annoying, ugly, delusional, crazy, needy, broken… who wants that?
They see objects when they look at me. My Mother saw the drugs my money could buy, or the facade she could create by projecting herself as another. My father saw an easily manipulated pawn to utilize in his chess game. My friends saw a charity case, a pest, a burden, and someone who […]