yesterday was a great day. downtown with everyone for at least eight hours. doing nothing but talking and walking. enjoying the day. but it all changes when night falls. cause i know i have to go home soon. where ill be alone. in a house of people who call themselves my family. walking through the door walking up the stairs to my cold empty room. making me wish id never gone out in the first place. thats not fair. i cant help but to cryas i lay inert in the shower as the scorching hot water burns my skin turning it almost the same hue […]
Broken.
donnie darko. suchhh a magical movie. i love you so much. movies keep me sane. getting lost in anything but reality.
if i let you go…will the scars continue to show?….ahh worked with my friend brad today. little does he know about my obsession i used to have with him before i knew him. hah. i have unicorn earrings in my ears. magical isnt it?…i dont know what the hell im talking about. its hot as a ***** ib my room. yet im in jeans. im too lazy to change.
shes in love the world seems blurry she makes mistakes but shes in no hurry to grown ups cause grown ups they dont understand her. its a big big world out there but shes not scared she thinks that nobody cares about her problems and she probably right. but its alright youll be fine if you just stay with me we get one step closer but we’re still so far away. she finds hope in the strangest places reads her books and knows all the faces of everyone that ever said shes alone. she knows every word to the saddest songs and she sings along […]
nothing but me, my movies, and my inability to comprehend the point of my mere existance. friday nights are always the same. me crying. cutting. screaming. holding my stomach cause it hurts so fucking much. the emptiness. it burns a whole deeper and deeper into the pit of my stomach. such a bittersweet moment. getting sick. i wanna die. and its all thanks to you. watching. waiting. for my life to end. alone. alone. why must i be so alone. i think im gonna start my pill craze again. cause all i do is hurt people. at least when im high the hurt goes away….
mother just signed me up for modeling auditions. that ***** is mocking me. shes only doing it to fuck with my mind. i know im ugly as shit mom. no need for professionals to tell me. todays song of the day- ” i feel like im drowning in ice water
my lips have turned a shade of blue
im frozen with this fear
that you may disappear
before iv given you the truth…
i bleed my heart out on this paper for you
so you can see what i cant sayy
im dying here…im dying here
cause i cant say what i want to
i […]
the sound of silence is more like a ringing noise to me. shit wont get out of my head. iv been running blind with my hands tied my back hoping to fall into a molten crack in the surface of the earth so my body cann be set on fire. this is what i truely desire…i see you from across the room with a guy that looks just like i do cause iv been replaced by a new nameless face that looks just like the one youve been dying to erase. why is this stuck in my fucking head. i wish i were asexual. maybe […]
as i was walking to my mailbox i found myself marching to my own beat. nothing but warm cracked gravel beneath my feet. i found myself smiling as the breeze brought movement to my lifeless hair. im still waking with no emotion on my face but a blank stare. the soil beneath the earth in which i was given birth. i long for a taste of the blistering sun wondering how hot the burn would be when im all done. i can feel it in my chest. the urge to keep walking and talking to myself. you know its out there but it hides in […]
im reallly fucking happy today. i chopped all my hair off. its like a new me. i keep smiling and dancing duidfeui im at a loss for words i just wann sing and dance and run barefoot through my yard
everytime i log in i hit remember me. but when i get back on it doesnt. why wont it fucking remember me. i guess no matter what i fucking do it wont matter. after i kill myself it will be like i was never here. i havnt cut in two weeks…until today. i didnt really cut i just started fucking jabbing at my flesh with the blade not realizing what i was doing until i was done. i should probably go to the hospital…id rather bleed to death.
when im alone i grow to hate. i tell myself this is the last time ill ever date you. but then when my phone rings at 2am and i see that its you i cant help but to pick up. all that hate goes away. the sound of your voicce just automatically makes me smile. and then when im half asleep you say baby i love you. and even though i know you dont know what it means to love me it still sounds like music to my ears. and even though im unsure i love you too </3
guys are hilarious. theres this kid. iv dated him like four times even though hes the biggest dick ever but i just like having him there and theres something about him that i find so fucking amazing its probably the lip ring and gauges…we got back together last week and he was being great until he randomly stopped talking to me saturday. completely ignored so i assumed we were done…just got a text from him saying night babe…..what the fuck. fuck my life.
hopefully getting my first of many tattoos this weekend. im getting P.O.W. tattd on the inside of my lip. it stands for prisioner of war. when i told my cousin she was laughing and making jokes. then i told her the meaning behind it…i look at war like its life. like a draft its not by choice. just like you are born into this world whether you like it or not. people always struggling and fighting to be liked and get along with everyone else. whether it be by dressing like them or acting like them. i dont wanna be like everyone else and because […]
the definition of a friend. its been a short time since iv met you guys but you guys mean the world to me. wanna cry? take my shoulder. feeling lonely? heres my hand. times are tough. but itll get better now that we have eachother. and brondon i love your voice. liz i hope to one day hear yours. …heres something i wrote…you’re all shocked what a surprise.
what could have led to this her mother cries.
she was always so happy…well thats where your wrong.
she never had a friend
just stitches to mend
from her cuts that were so deep
the company of […]
It was one bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced one other
They drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf police mann he heard the noise
He came and killed those two dead boys
And if you don’t believe me ask the blind man ssw it too.
theres a pounding on my door…it goes away but not for long…except this time its louder and harder. ohh dear mother how i love your gentle awakenings . first thing she says to me you have no motivation as if im not aware. i give up. i slept all day yesterday and i plan to do the same today. i dont wanna be awake. fuck everything
i dont know what was with today. i must of had loner written on my headd today. everyone fucking telling me you have no life your life is boring u suck and the only thing i can do is say i know and run to the bathroom before i start crying
im sitting in math class. i sit by myself. front row seat right by the window. i dont like math. or the people in it. theres a couole in the back row that are basically boning…it looks like they’re in love…lucky fucks…in the other corner theres a group. the pretty girls and the pretty guys. they are talking about sex as if it were a show. im envious of them..they like waking up in the morning. why do i have to be in math right now. i dont like math
it says im logged is as broken…cause i guess thats what i am. its missing the part about being lonely, tired, fed up, beaten, bruised, it says im logged in as broken. broken bones. broken bonds. broken hearted. im like a cheap puzzle that wont stay together even with all the right pieces in all the right places…im logged in as broken and i wanna log out.
the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay…