BrokenAngel8

Its been a while since I posted on here. But I really needed to talk about this and I know if I post it on my social media someone is gonna run their fucking mouth about it.

I recently met up with a old lover of mine for drinks.   He told me he was having relationship problems with his girlfriend and since I was his only friend that still talk to him he wanted my advice.  It was a lovely night. we drove around smoked, drinked, talked and we ended up making love in the back seat of his truck.  I wanted to blame it on […]

Well I lost access to this site for a while now cause a stupid certain someone forgot to save the homepage as a favorite on her computer and couldn’t remember the name for a while.

As far as life is going I’m holding it together for now. The depressional thoughts have decreased but my anxiety is as high as ever though.

I keep doing my breathing exercises like my therapist taught me to do. But I don’t think there doing as much good as they used too.

I also had a realization this morning on why I have been keeping my nails so short for the past year […]

Well I didn’t get a fucking lick of sleep last night due to me haveing abdominal cramps all night, I finally forced myself to pass out around 7:30am this morning and I guess my boyfriend stopped by the house and talked to my dad about what happened I guess who was crying and shit all because I texted him at 5:00am this morning. Now everyone in my family has been avoiding me except for my mom. God bless that woman! The rest been giving me dirty looks, telling me to grow the fuck up etc.
I honestly should of slipped a extra […]

Ok I just got back from a wonderful two nights at my partners place.
Last night when we were making love the protection broke.
This morning I went to get a morning after pill on my way home.
( Seriously the prices for those things even the generic ones are seriously highway robbery. No wonder so many girls get pregnant that shouldn’t even have kids.)
But yeah its been a few hours since I took the medication I dont know if its a side effect of the meds or my emotions getting in the way ….

Is it just me or am I the only one that gets extremely sick during dead/finals week?

It always seems to happen to me. I think its due to the high stress I’m in ( I’m a fifth year in college with one major and a double minor.) Ever since I was freshman the physical sickness,the decrease in appetite, my mental health falling apart like a crumbly cookie.

The only difference between this time around is I haven’t ended up in a hospital bed yet. ( hopefully not don’t want to end up jinxing myself!)   Luckily this time its just a stuffy nose and coughing up mucus […]

I had a scary thought last night when me and my boyfriend talked about death.
I had always said I had a personality of a charming cat.
I then realized that a cat is said to have a total of nine lives.
9 times in my life death knocked on my door and 9 times my life has been given back to me.
If that didn’t scare the crap out of me and now has me crying in a corner nothing will.

I just realized something when I was looking through my on this day thing on facebook. I read this one post and almost started bawling. 4 years ago today was when I went to campus police ( this was back when I went to college out of state before I transferred) to report the classmate that sexually assaulted me 3 days before my 19th birthday.

Just thinking about the hell I went through literally the next year after that including the investigation, the trial ( that I lost regardless that the evidence was enough to convict him!), the emotional trauma, public humiliation, me losing my position […]

Its ok to:
It’s ok to cry when your stressed out or down…
It’s ok to attack a pillow or a wall when your angry or upset. As long is you don’t harm yourself or others.
It’s ok to call off from a social event If your feeling overwhelmed and suddenly don’t have the strength to go. Due to your anxiety or depression eating you alive.
Its ok to take time out to take care of yourself. Even if you hate your self ( this is especially a big one that I have a hard time doing). Self care is important and healing in many […]

I seriously hate getting older. If it ain’t one thing its always fucking something else.
Like I was planning on going on a overnighter retreat for the sorority I’m involved in at school. Well guess who ended up having to use her entire last paycheck on an emergency cell phone bill payment. Because the company decide to be a fucking dick and shut my phone off two weeks early unless if I paid next months bill. I have never missed a payment in my entire life.

So there goes the money I was gonna use to pay my fee and lunch for the overnighter. I’m probably […]

Well its 3:00am on my end and I cant sleep.   Stupid anxiety…..   Even the strong drink I whipped up didn’t work to knock my ass out ( 7-up with a shot and a half of vodka mixed in) Even though I have class tomorrow and I have to take my homophobic grandmother to the hospital for a doctors appointment. Yay!

My boyfriend came over to visit me for a little bit tonight and even though his boss called him and told him to come in to work tomorrow on his day off. He asked my dad if he could stay the night though I already told […]

A amazing weekend ruined. I don’t get why does she have to fucking ruin everything. I never get any respect in my own home. No one every fucking sticks up for me. But when I did attempt all I get told is too shut up and stop being immature by my mother. But yet my sister pretty much mocks and makes fun of my boyfriend all weekend when hes not in the room and nothing gets done to defend him or me. So it was pretty much me sticking up for him and all he does is tell me it;s ok.

Umm NO! it’s not even […]

Sorry this is a rant post.   Ok the weather is freaking shitty as hell where I am right now. My partners work canceled. So he asks if he can come over for a little bit.  I don’t see what the big deal is its dangerous out weather wise ( were under a level 2 snow emergency). Yet when I check with my parents and see if its ok. My father bitches and complains for 10 minutes straight and then he was like I dont give a shit you never ask anyways even though I always do.  He never fucking does it when it comes to […]

For those of you that have read my past posts since when I first joined this site . You probably think I’ve been through some messed up periods in my life.  Today’s post was actually inspired by a conversation me and my partner had through text a couple nights ago. I was going through a rough time and I pretty much just broke down and told him what was going on. He was extremely supportive and not matter how much I told him I wasn’t worth loving.  He would try to say something positive about me or why he loved me.   He told me you […]

Well my life has been going non stop in the past few weeks pretty much to the point of crushing and I’m barley holding on to the guard rail.

Like earlier this week I was standing in my parents kitchen early in the morning getting my glass of water ready to take my medicine. When I found my bottle of booze from nye. For a few moments I seriously had strong thoughts of replacing the water in my cup with vodka. I strongly thought about doing it but decided against it in the end or Like over the weekend I went shopping with my family and […]

I am in serious pain right now. Its been like this on and off for the past week but today is probably the worse of all so far. After not being able to sleep at all last night. I cuddled with my boyfriend till he left for work this morning and then went back to bed I just literally got up a hour ago.

I am concerned about my health. The cramps in the lower half of my body hasn’t really eased up much and now I am finding blood down there. I really wish I could go get checked and see whats going on but […]

Its a shame that I cant even enjoy a simple  lunch in my own home with out drama. I am so fucking sick and tired of this shit. I seriously cant wait to graduate college, find a decent job I can live on and leave this worthless piece of shit of town behind. I am seriously over this childish bullshit

Well Christmas was wonderful this year I cant r ember the last time I went by an entire day with out feeling my depression or anxiety blow up in my face. Though I have been dealing with a lot lately.

I can feel my sanity slowly starting to slip. I self harmed twice in the past week. Bad enough that I had extremely blurry vision for a few minutes as well as a bruise from my right ear all the way down near my eye socket. Luckily its light so i really don’t need to cover it with much make up.

I […]

Well I just self harmed again for the first time in over two years my vision is blurry as hell right now and I finally if it makes any sense feel free. Though its quite frighting at the same time. But then again I am better off dead at this point. So no one will have to fucking deal with me ever again. Though the one person I love in this cursed world more than anything will miss me. Hes better off without me. Joey baby I love you with everything I have. I’m sorry I cant do this anymore. Please forgive me!

Well Its officially been 4 months since I was last on here. A lot has happened. But there are some main things I just need to let out.

A few weeks ago two of my friends mothers both passed away days apart. One I worked with at an hell hole of an internship i’m in at my college. He was the only one that made it tolerable and didn’t treat me like dirt. He has since then been forced on leave from his position and due to that. My boss has been more abusive of power than ever.

To the point that I literally blanked and almost […]