So, yesterday night my mom had to go out to a class, and my dad had to go out to take my brother to his basketball. My dad told my mom that I could stay home alone so I could do my homework. Right after he said that she went pale and her eyes almost popped out of her head, almost having a panic attack about him wanting him to leave me alone. If she doesn’t leave me alone, the how am I going to show that I can be trusted to be alone at least for an hour? I couldn’t stay alone, I had […]
Now I have 800$ I’m not sure how I did that but either way its fine. But I still have to ask my friend if I could stay at his place. And if he doesn’t let me stay I guess I’ll look for some other place to stay at for a little while. Maybe a motel for a little while and then off to some other place. But right now I feel that I only have three choices: either to run away, commit suicide, or keep self harming….
I am officially alone in this place. I don’t have anyone anymore. I’ve been alone for a while actually, I’ve been alone the whole time. I don’t think I’m going to be around for too long.
Is it wrong to want to be sexually abused? or would it count as a form of self-harm?
Is it wrong for wanting to be in a relationship that’s more than 10-20 years older than you and being under-aged?
Is it wrong for faking my age just to be with them?
Is it wrong for wanting to be a wreck with abusing drugs for suicide?
Is it wrong to have conversations in my head?
Supposedly, I’m sick for wanting these things. And this isn’t the first time that someone has told me this.
I feel it coming, I know it’s going to happen again. I’m slowly being replaced again. I know it, and I hate it. It always happens. Every year. What is my problem that I’m always being replace all the time?! I don’t tell anyone about my mental issues. No one knows about it other than some of my family. But no one at school knows about the things that go through my head, they all think I’m fine as far as I know. I don’t know, I should be used to this, It’s been happening every year. I can’t keep a friend, and I hate […]
I went back to cutting two nights ago. I was like 2 months free, but now I went right back to it. The cuts were barely anything, but because of that I kept going. Today I feel like killing everyone and myself included. I hate everything, I hate everyone. I just feel like fucking breaking down. I’m done, I’m so over everything.
I can get away with looking older maybe 17 or 18. I could probably even get away with looking 20. And that’s without makeup. I find it a good thing when it comes to wanting to runaway. I know I keep talking about it but I am not reacting to it. I just want to leave, but I need to talk to a friend first if he would let me stay at his place for a little while. And he knows how old I really am so that’s a good thing I guess. I mean he is older than me by a lot, but I […]
I thought I was getting better. It turns out I’m probably worse than when I was before. I supposedly getting me phone back from the police after 6 long months. But since I’ve been without it for so long, I just want to use it again, and text people I haven’t spoken to in a really long time. But I can’t text them because my case is still open, and the police can see my phone any time they want. Like, unfortunately I still did not run away yet, for 2 reasons. 1- someone took some of my saved up money and I need that. […]
I’m thinking of sneaking out to by a pack of cigarettes. I know they are bad for me, but it’s just another impulse thought. :/
There are so many things that I have been keeping from pretty much everyone. and just to cover up those secrets I have to tell lies. Seems to me that, that is the easiest way to go in my situation, and I’d like to keep it like that.
Life is a game. This is not real, everything is fake. Love is a game. There is no such thing as true love, its a joke. Everyone just messes around with other’s feelings. This is all fake, we are all living in somebody else’s imaginary world. This is all pretend, like just think about it… why exactly are we alive if we are going to die in the end? Everyone likes shortcuts, and suicide is a shortcut to life. There is no real point in living, you do something bad in society either you get noticed and then punished and never heard of again; or […]
I feel that I’m the only one that wants to leave/run away/commit suicide, because I have people that care for me.
I know that many of you individuals could be feeling the way you are because you have been abused or that there are some people that don’t care about you.
But I’m kind of feeling depressed because of people caring for me but at the same time I feel alone when I’m not pushing them away. I don’t know, I just hate these mixed feelings. Yeah they care for me but I think there is a limit with having to care for someone, like my family […]
has anyone here run away.
I am planning on it and i already have money saved up and some clothes packed.
if you have run away, did you ever get caught? if not how did you do it….?
I was online reading about things of self harm. And I came across sex as a form of self harm. I can kind of understand why it could be but I’m still not 100% sure, why it is.
I have my money, and enough food for me to last me a little while, all I need is a destination far from home.
the pills that sit on the sill haunt me
they taunt me
telling me to take one after another
not to tell the others
the voices make my choices
to take the whole bottle
just because I wanted to look like a model, fine and thin
just bones and skin
if only they had known
how alone I really was
now the bottle is empty
now I’m free
It sucks. Its the same as last year already, probably worse. I wish I was dead.
All I really truly want is to be DEAD. But right now does not seem like the best time to do that unfortunately. So if I can’t wish for death then I would want a bunch of other things.
run away
dropping out
drugs
alcohol
sex
a boyfriend or girlfriend
eat no meals everyday
I know some of them are bad but honestly that is all I feel like having or doing if I can’t commit suicide. Does anyone else want these things?
Yesterday I was barely even able to eat a muffin because I had gotten full. Lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks already, yay I guess.
I’m not pretty… it’s a fact. The more I stare at the person in the mirror, I criticize everything about myself, I don’t find any good things in myself anymore. I’m not fun to be with, I’m boring, after a while everyone leaves and replaces me immediately. Am I really that replaceable? I am I really that much similar to everyone else? I know I’m not worth anything, and I’m just waiting for death to pay me a visit.