My favorite chapter in Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows is The Wandmaker. I haven’t heard many people that say that’s their favorite chapter, but in my opinion, out of all the books, it’s the most well-written. Harry is faced with a choice and he’s finally coming to terms with it. He is battling against himself, fighting the unknown and doing exactly what he needs to do to get things done even if he doesn’t want to do it. He is in pain. The sense of loss he is feeling is paramount. Be he is the only one that can help the situation. I could read […]
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
I just called my insurance company… but I had a strange connection with the operator that answered. He made me feel a million times better. We were laughing and joking for like 10 minutes and he was actually a bit unprofessional and he kept saying how unprofessional he was being. It was cute. It was nice. Is it weird that I almost wanted to tell him to call me? Is it desperate? Have I reached that point where I’m desperate? lol. I’m not going to be modest, it’s not as if I can’t find a man if I want it, but it’s hard to find someone with my […]
I can’t take this anymore. I have too much stress on my shoulders. I struggle to get through each task of the day and struggle to complete a day. I have so much to do. People depend on me. I can’t take it. I would be better off dead.
Nobody knows that I suffer from depression. I walk and talk with a smile, confidently and securely. But I ache. With each step that I take, it’s like the ground pushes back on my feet, sends a vibration up my body til my teeth shake and I bite my tongue. I bite my tongue to not cry. To not scream. To not die. I hate my skin and yet I love it. Why do I lotion it? What does it even matter to a body that doesn’t want to live? I wake up and I eat. What does eating matter to a stomach that doesn’t […]
Even when people are around me, I feel alone. I am never satisfied. I just feel so utterly alone and the one person that made me not feel alone doesn’t want me anymore. I want to die a million times.
Well… My birthday euphoria has vanished. I’m a sad, lonely, anxious mess again. My stomach is in knots from anxiety. I can’t breathe. I’m tired. I feel nauseated.
I’m having a really good day.Today is my birthday and for the first time in forever, I feel a lot of love for myself. I’m not anxious today and I just feel content and pleased. But I was thinking about you guys here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I care about you guys and I love you guys. I write here when I’m the most sad, the most depressed, the most vulnerable. But I also want to write here when I’m happy. Thanks everyone for still being here – and for all the support here. <3
I hate my life.
Anne Sexton’s poetry makes me whole again, it’s like I know her soul.
I succumbed to texting my ex. It’s a been almost 2 weeks since we vaguely texted each other. I told him that I need to be his friend and I asked him if he still even cared. He said “Yes, of course”. But he doesn’t act like it. He never asks me how I am or how my life is. It feels as if he is not my friend, not even a stranger on the street. Why am I hanging on to him like this? I’m actually starting to be completely turned off by him, sexually and in a friendly kind of way. Maybe this […]
I don’t want to do this anymore. Life. Tears. Etc. I’m not going to harm myself, but dammit. Something needs to change. I need to change. My brain. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I just want to die. I can’t take it anymore!!!!
I’m so glad this site exists. I would have no idea how to express myself otherwise. I’m even talking with my dearest friend right now and he also so suffers from depression. I feel like telling him how I feel, but I just don’t want to burden him. I feel like asking him for help, even though I know he can’t […]
I’m not feeling too great right now. I’m so lonely it hurts. I’m about to head to the gym, maybe I can work some of this off. I’m so tired of life…. I hate it. I hate it so much.
I know I always talk about my ex, but I can’t help it. He is a piece of my depression. A huge piece. I just want to tell someone… I haven’t checked my text messages in 11 days. I turned alerts off. I don’t even know if I have any new messages. I quit cold turkey. It’s like smoking. If he were a cigarette, I would be 11 days cigarette free. The problem is I don’t know if other people are messaging me. It’s not a big deal, it’s not as if I have a ton of friends… they have other ways to get in […]
My vacation is over Friday. I don’t even want to get into specifics, but I’ll have more stress and more on my shoulders. I don’t know what this will do to my depression. Before, when I had this stress I had my ex to distract me and make my life feel better. I don’t have that now. I just feel so alone and so overwhelmed.
Is what my ex would tell me when I exposed just how screwed up I really am. Generally, yes, I am too smart for this. All of us here seem very intelligent and bright. I can literally see how I am and I give others fantastic advice. But when it comes to myself, when it comes to literally being me, I am just broken. I know I don’t make any sense and I can tell you exactly how I don’t make sense, yet I can’t stop not making sense.
Sometimes his words ring in my ear… he’s right. He always was. But I can’t seem to […]
I know, you’re like “duh, why else would you be here?” But ugh.
Last night there was a spider on my ceiling and I had a legit panic attack. Usually I kill the spider, but it just made me think about my ex that would save the spider and put it outside. I got on my bed and tried so hard to kill the spider, but I couldn’t. I laid down my bed and stared at the spider as my breathing and heart rate increased. I was thinking that it was a poisonous spider that would kill me in my sleep. But isn’t that what I […]
I had a pretty good day today. I felt somewhat happy all day. It was a nice cloudy day and I’ve been happily enjoying my body and the lack of anxiety and depression that it feels today. However, I ran into an old friend at a restaurant and we chatted for a few minutes. I really hate talking to old friends because we have to summarize the last amount of years in a few sentences. I felt unaccomplished and having to tell him that I have basically done nothing with my life in the past years makes me feel annoyed and my anxiety crept back […]
This website is comforting. When I come here I feel like I can say my most painful thoughts and nobody judges. Maybe nobody even cares, which is fine as well. I just like someone to read my words without any judgement.
I don’t even know if this website is healthy for me to come to. But when I feel like I’m about to explode, I come here and feel a little bit more calm.
Let me tell you something. I have no idea how to be good at life. No idea what so ever. I applaud people that are good at it.
I was depressed before I fell in love. I have to remind myself of that so I don’t think that I am even more crazy to want to kill myself because I lost the person that I love. I. was. depressed. before. I. fell. in. love. I had suicidal thoughts before I met him. I have been anxious and depressed for a very long time. Probably since childhood.
It’s not like I’ve never been in love before. But this time, I thought he was last one I would ever have. We match. He understands me. But I didn’t give him what he wanted. […]
I woke up completely unhappy and lonely. I tried to take a shower, turned on the water and just collapsed into the corner. I was annoyed at myself afterward for leaving the water running, such a waste of water. I was in the corner for like an hour.
I don’t understand why I have to be this way! I walked into the kitchen afterward… and seen knives and had every desire in the world to end it right then and there. I ran to my bedroom and just got under the covers. I finally got strength from somewhere and started feeling a bit better, but I […]