I feel like my suicide is inevitable, like no matter how much progress I make or how much better I start to feel I eventually am always back to feeling hopeless and contemplating how to end it. Does anyone else feel like no matter what they do their life is just pointlessly building up to suicide- even if that death is far out in the future?
cloudy days
It would take 1 shot of vodka every 6 minutes for an hour for me to die. Is that a lot (Ive never had alcohol)?
I really hate people. They find it necessary in every relationship, platonic or otherwise, to create issues. I have a very close friend, who has been my confidante, and vice versa. While I’ve deeply liked him for quite a while I have a concept of boundaries and haven’t let on, it’s entirely platonic but his gf and her friends all think I’m a ***** and have made that very clear. But I thought that could be fine, and that as long as we truly were just friends it would be fine. Well jokes on fucking me because that obviously couldn’t work out, obviously this person […]
The only thing I have is emptiness. I keep hoping to find friendship or meaning, and thinking i’ve lost the relationships that had it but when I look back I never had any. Is it me or are there really no circumstances where a connection has meaning.The feelings of those I care about the most are not returned, and everyone is so blatantly average with only empty conversation. If the world has nothing to offer but vapid superficial people why should I keep going? no one care, no one listens, and I am still an unremarkable unloved person. And yes im aware Im being egotistical.
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
But what if the problem is so woven into our world it can’t change.
I feel so trapped with my own thoughts. There is no one to tell, I can’t expect the one friend I have to be the void I can dump my thoughts into. I wish someone could listen and understand. But who could hear that I hate myself and I want to die and not be pushed irreversibly away? I can’t push that on someone and expect them to have anything to say back. I want so very much to have someone to talk to but instead I’ve pushed it down so now I always feel vaguely like crying.
I want to want to die. I can’t be happy unless I’m miserable and I wish I could get to the edge of desperation so that I have the courage to die.
I hate myself because I look around and realize my life isn’t that bad. I’ve endured no trauma. But then I remember the emptiness around me, I remember how consumerism rules our lives, how we mindlessly devote ourselves to it. That makes it seem worth it. If I’m not sad I can’t be satisfied. What’s wrong with me
Has anyone here read Fahrenheit 451? Do you remember the scene where the wife and her friends are talking and all they do is parrot back mindless fluff about the same topic, repeating the same phrases over and over again? Thats an accurate picture of what I witness everyday and do myself. All around me people say the same 5 phrases in response then repeat those phrases and cackle. Are we as a society really so mindless? So shallow? Have we lost the ability to think and observe our world? Could we ever? It’s really just a reflection of our world, finding meaning in the […]
I want to do it. I know is selfish and stupid and that perhaps it might not work. But I really can’t anymore. I can’t deal with me, with the people around me, with the world. People are apathetic and cruel and powerless and selfish and stupid. I am no exception. I cannot deal with it anymore. But I can’t kill my self. What about my mom? What if it doesn’t work? What if somehow things change? What if I go to hell?
I want to do it. Please someone convince me I can.
Everything I say or do is negative or forced or stupid or awkward or annoying. I’m just a generally shitty person and I can’t stand myself. There is a person I like but how could I ever deserve to have him like me or even deserve to want them to want me? I have no merit or value and when I try to speak my mind goes blank and I give a shitty generic response that I decide against as I say it. My friends say otherwise but what are the supposed to say? You’re shit, we hate you, just shut up? Actually some people […]
Are my reasons valid? Am I simply impressionable and irrational and angsty? Do I really just want attention or in some convoluted subconscious way do I want revenge? Does simply wanting to die validate that my feelings are genuine? Someone please tell me.