CRA2015

I’m fighting to live up until the 20th, where I’ll be fighting to try and save the relationship with the love of my life. I’m just curious if what I’ve written that I plan to say will be enough to convince her to go to counseling with me. I won’t go into all the details….. but I’ll be saying this in court. In front of a judge, her, everyone else and God lol. I hope you guys will be honest, don’t hype me up if it’s not good but just tell me what you think. I know it’s hard to say when you don’t know […]

My friends, my family, my love……you’ll all find out soon enough that I can’t take this anymore. Soon enough I’ll break. Soon enough you’ll see how much agony I was really in. Only love keeps me here, and I don’t have the love of my life anymore.

(I love you Chelsea R. …..I wish we could have fixed all of our problems baby instead of fighting all the time. We fought for all the wrong reasons. I love you with ALL I am, you and your love is all I had in this world!!! I miss you so god damn much!! I’m sorry baby….I’m sorry for […]

I don’t undetstand why it seems the only thing that’s going to ease my heartache and pain is just for me to kill myself. I miss you Chelsea!! Every day….and I hate what I did, who I was. I just can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to be in this world without you anymore. I know I’m going to have to kill myself to end my pain, to stop my heart and soul from hurting SO bad. I know how, when, where, and with what. I just have to somehow save the $600 for the gun I want. I gotta stop my pain baby…..too […]

Just when I’ve given in, admitted to myself I give up, that I don’t want to keep fighting, I don’t want to keep living, I can’t take the pain….I see a new picture of you my love. You. In all your beauty, your smile, I see your soul….and although the picture is not for me, and I’m not sure what you’re doing or who you’re with, I see that you’re happy. I can see it shining through. I used to make you that happy….but it’s been a long time since then.

I didn’t want to hurt you before I saw this particular picture, and now that […]

I’ve been fighting for a long time to not do it, not give in, not kill myself. I’ve been planning it for two months now, daily in my mind almost daydreaming of how it’ll go down, planning out everything….but I still had fight in me NOT to do it ….

I’m done. I just realized it a few minutes ago, I’m done fighting, I’m done hoping it’ll get better. I no longer have the strength to keep on fighting, I don’t want to keep feeling the pain. I miss her FAR too much in my life. I’m empty, lonely, and needing her love and that’s something […]

I’m tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of telling myself “don’t give in” when it’s all I want, it’s all I think about when I’m alone. Planning out how I’ll do it, the before/during/aftermath affects.

I can’t talk to anyone, really wouldn’t want to if I could. But it kills me, no one sees my pain….not my family, my best friend, my ex, my co workers…no one sees how hard I’m fighting to not give up.

I wish my ex realized she’s putting me in the ground, I wish she’d care.

No one should have to suffer so much for past mistakes. I hate myself everyday for […]

I don’t want to talk about why I’m so depressed, so desperate to just give up and kill myself. In brief, I just HATE myself for the mistakes I’ve made, the hurt I caused the only woman to ever love me. I’m left a shell of a man, wondering how I let myself make so many mistakes, and hurt someone I love so much, more than anything, she’s my EVERYTHING….I love her more than my own life. I don’t care what happens to me. I know SO much is from my Bipolar being un diagnosed. It’s been almost a year and a half…..I tried everything […]