When I finally think I’m happy, something always goes wrong. I can never get anything right. I keep struggling uphill in the pouring rain and hail without a coat and I expect to win. Sometimes I’ll get a few steps up, but something always sends me tumbling back down. I really should stop expecting things to change because they never do. But for some reason, I can still hold on to hope even though it hurts me more in the end. I don’t even know what I’m trying to gain from writing this. A small release from the pain? Except that never goes away fully, […]
dancerina14
Sometimes I get tired of being the sparkly one. Sometimes I get tired of being the person that everyone looks at. Sometimes I want to disappear into the grass, let myself fall asleep forever in the warm sun. Sometimes I don’t want to be the one that looks at the world differently. The one that paints her nails pink and green because the colors remind her of mint chocolate chip ice cream and watermelon which reminds her of the summer. Sometimes I don’t want people to notice my outfits and say they’re really cool, or compliment my hair because I can pull off something weird. […]
I feel like all I have inside is a huge sigh. My body is empty like the carved out center of a pumpkin during Halloween. I’m slowly rotting, and will eventually be eaten by the squirrels. There’s nothing to fill this huge, gaping hole inside me. Sometimes I think that I can fill it somehow: with love, with giving, with words…but it never goes away. Sometimes I forget about it when the sun is up, but once the darkness settles I become a black hole. Sucking in everything, but never being filled. I don’t trust myself alone. I do the worst things when I’m alone, […]
Another old song I found, there seems to be an abundance.
Do you think if I screamed
That you would hear me?
Do you think if I begged
That you would set me free?
If I gave you everything you wanted
Would you ever be satisfied?
Because sometime I’m not sure I’m granted
Anything except the tears I’ve cried
Years have gone by
And yet…nothing changes
Years have gone by
And yet…my life never rearranges
I’m always thinking
About shining armor and my knight that comes with it
I’m always blinking
But my happy ending never, ever commits
My life is rushing by my eyes
And I’m just sitting in a corner all alone
Can’t think through all these lies
I’m sure I’m on my […]
Was looking through some old stuff and found my old diary. Here’s some of my WAY old stuff, I guess I’ve always been depressing. Don’t read these if you want to read good poetry, I was very young when these were written. Here goes:
I’m that sock.
The one you left
In your locker
In your closet
On your floor
Without a pair.
Eventually, you forgot about me.
I’m that song.
The one you listened to
Everyday
You knew all the lyrics
You always sang along
Then came a new song
And you forgot about me.
I’m that book
You read every night
When you were a child
You knew all the words
Then you grew up
And you forgot about me.
This second one is […]
This is dedicated to all of you lovely people out there, Brandon especially (I’m keeping with our deal ;] Tell me if I did well later ). This always makes me smile, I hope it makes you smile too. Don’t read into it too much. Just watch it, for the love of Mika! And for the love of watching a strange man dance in underpants? xD
Sorry, there’s probably a way to actually put the video up, but I fail at technology…so…deal with it.
I wrote a new song last night but didn’t post it. It might be a tad confusing, I apologize if it disorients you. 😉
I wonder what it’s like not to feel this way
I wonder if it’s nice to see the sun and smile
What would it be like if I woke up to another day
And didn’t wish I wasn’t here, for a little while?
I wonder if it’s nice to worry about tomorrow’s test
To stress out with my friends and worry about my grade
What would it be like if my mind had some rest?
If I could sit and sip cold lemonade
Would I sit and smell the flowers?
Would […]
I figured I’d tell my story, given that I decided today that I want to live for a while. I almost let myself bleed to death, but I didn’t want my sister to find me in a puddle of blood in the bathroom. Anyway, I’ve only given you guys bits and pieces you’ve had to gleam from my poetry and such, and that’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to work hard to understand me. But that’s just how I am. No one really knows me, not even my closest friends. My best friend always says that: “Lisa, you’re so mysterious. It’s really cool.” Anyway, I’m […]
“Get over it†they say, staring right through me
“Talk it out†she says, holding my hand
He pulls back “to set me freeâ€
So I’m drifting like cold sand
Sitting in my room, staring out the window
Razor in my hand, blinking through the tears
Waiting for the world to slow
Stumbling through my fears
And the whispers…wrap me up
And my stories…screaming to be heard
But now I know my time is up
And I’m streaming out the words
Please make room for us inside your heart
They think they know me well, but that’s not the truth
They don’t know, it’s ripping me apart
So I hold myself aloof
Holding back the screams tearing up my soul
Keeping up […]
I want to see the blood
I want to feel the pain
I’m trekking through the mud
I’ve slowly gone insane
And now I just don’t care
It’s crowding in my brain
I’m ripping out my hair
I’m drowning in the pain
My heart has turned to ice
My body is all numb
You think that I’m so nice
But honey you’re just dumb
I feel I’m in a cube
Boxed in from every side
You say it’s a bad mood
So I’ll just go and hide
I peek out from my hole
The darkness keeps me in
The thoughts, they take their toll
There’s no way that I can win
The days are dragging by
The end is creeping near
I’ll leave it with a sigh…
One […]
What happens when you love life so much? When you love the little things about life, about the people you love, about the beautiful things that happen everyday… but you don’t want to live it anymore? How does that happen? How is that fair? How can a person forget all of the good things in this world, and only see how terrible it can be? How can someone that was nice and peaceful turn into someone so hateful? And how can the person she hates the most be herself? How can she look in the mirror and resent […]
Who is that?
That person staring from the shiny surface
Of every item she’s ever seen
The pretty girl, with short brown hair
Her eyes are huge, so curious
You’d never know she was a mess
Fingers sliding down a mirror
Searching for a bit of pink
But her face is perfect
Leaning across a hollow sink
Not one trace of bitter tears
On her face so ivory pale
You’d think her flawless
The girl everyone wants to be
Gliding gracefully through gleaming halls
She’s radiant, due to confidence
But she’s not happy
She’s not free
Her exterior is false
Her broken pieces almost falling apart
She wants to rip through her skin
Tearing, tearing with nails like claws
Her fragile insides fading to dust
Then maybe she […]