Okay, like really people piss me off way too much. For example; Sarah you knew that I cut and yet when I rolled my sleeves up during E period because I thought I was safe enough to do so you flip the fuck out. You start yelling at me to show you and I refused, I mean you think I’m going to just wave my wrist around screaming “hey look at my cuts, aren’t they just fucking wonderful!†No, especially not with Josh and Gene in the room who already tell me to kill myself never mind if they saw my cuts too. Then the […]
It’s becoming worst as the days painfully past by, remember when I could fake a smile? When I could act happy? When I could be near people I don’t feel comfortable near or I could be in big crowds and deal with it? I can’t even do that anymore. I’ve isolated myself to the point where I won’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me first, to where if I don’t know you all I’ll say is hi. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even be near people, I’m too emotionally unstable; I’ll either get annoyed and really pissed of at every little thing […]
4 months clean; only because my distraction was Nick, my amazing boyfriend we don’t talk on the phone at night anymore because he’s out and I haven’t heard from him in a couple of days. I realized that the reason that I was four months clean was because he was my distraction away from my depression and suicidal thoughts. But since I usually feel that way at night more so than during the day I’ve noticed my depression has gotten worse. Staying up all night drowning in my own tears and lost in my thoughts my mind is fogged up with suicide as I press the razor […]
Why must I feel emotionless? Nothing about me is real anymore. No one can see past the disguise; Fake smile, big brown eyes filled with pain. I feel empty inside the only pain I can feel anymore is the cold metal on my skin with the pain that comes along with it. I wanna just cry until it hurts but every time I feel the need too I can’t seem to find the tears. My depression is slowly destroying me; I can’t deal with this anymore, I’ve been fighting with nonstop continuous battle with my depression and I’m losing. It’s becoming worse. To the point […]
I Feel Numb. My aunt Sue is in the hospital, she’s getting a surgery that should hopefully remove her breast cancer. When MaSue told me all I could do was sit there speechless thinking “this can’t be happening to another aunt.†But somehow I’m more at peace with the fact that she has breast cancer than I am at peace with how I’m handling it. Shouldn’t I be crying? Shouldn’t I be worried? Shouldn’t I be freaking out like the rest of us? I feel empty inside; heartless. Maybe it’s because death is more comforting to me than the living, either way I feel horrible for being emotionless and I hate […]
Am I Insane? Waking up in the middle of the night craving just to self-harm, I could feel the need on my scarred wrist just so temped to grab my razor & press the cold metal against my skin. Deeper & deeper gliding across; red gushing out everywhere off the sides of my wrist & down my arm.  “I wanna cut, I need to cut†I could see my skin break as the tip of the knife goes down my arm with blood spilling out of my arm. Since that night I’ve been craving to cut & all I think about is suicide attempts. Maybe if I […]