I want to. i have a method that would be reliable but horrifically painful. I take an illegal fat burner that can kill me if i take too many. I dont want to experience the excruciating pain of my insides getting cooked. Maybe i should. To match the excruciating pain of everyday of existence. I look at the bottle hoping it helps me lose this disgusting fat. Its helped but each day i see this disgusting repulsive body. This body that is insignificant. The reminders of how my ugliness impacts me are omnipresent. I cant escape them. There is no where to go. Nothing but […]
https://youtu.be/7Ms0DFxpptk
3 days ago was the actual anniversary. For those who have know idea who this guy is. His name is Phillip Jack Brooks better known as CM Punk. He was a wrestler he may (probably will) be knocked out in a few months as a MMA fighter but its this promo that makes him significant. You see he did something very few people ever get to do. He spoke his mind and was rewarded with everything he ever deserved. He got(sometimes deservedly) a lot of bs before and after this moment but its inspiring in a way. I didnt even watch wrestling at the time […]
Full disclosure I turn 30 next fall which is why i have set that as a date. My nearly 29 years on this earth ive spent extremely morbidly obese. When i turned 26 i started to care about my weight and lost 100 lbs over the next yearish then plateaued for the next yearish after that. I still work out and try to watch what i eat to this day. I throughout my life have been treated like a 2nd class citizens my entire life because of my weight and i didnt really become aware of it until i started the weight loss. I have […]
As a failed suicide attempt veteran i know enough not to live for your date. That said the plan is to hang myself tomorrow when i wake up.(hopefully no one will be home) I also know hanging is horrific and unreliable but its all i have. Dont panic those who care it’ll likely fail but in the event that attempt 175 is the charm (idk the actual number) good bye. Im beyond tired i don’t belong here i should have never been born. Ugly awkward people dont matter certainly not those who are depressed and perpetually isolated. I want death so bad
I cant do this job im going to kill myself.I cant do this job im going to kill myself.I cantdo this job im going to kill myselfI cant function im going to kill myself..Im not alive im going to kill myself. I have no reason to live im going to kill myself. Everything fucks up im going to kill myself. I tried my bestim going to kill myselfItriedmy bestimgoingto kill myselfitriedmybestimgoingtokillmyself.
I dont belong on earth and i am mindlessly incompetent and suicidal. I don’t post as often because its pointless to do so. I don’t want to be alive. Thats the same post i post over and over. Seeing other people’s post or comments alienate me even more. I don’t connect or matter to anything and i cant handle life. I’m tired of getting older of breathing of trying of anything.
I never asked to be here. To be born to be ugly and incompetent. To be unable to make friends or connect to anyone in any meaningful way. I’m not able to hang myself as now my sister is always home. My best time to hang myself is before i go to work. Hanging is a horrible method. I do get paid tomorrow and i could get a gun. I probably wont. Im just going to wait until in 70 or 80 and natural causes take over unfortunately. And live the next 40 50 years in meaninglessness. Reminders at every moment at my insignificance of […]
Im currently at Heros Con in Charlotte NC and i want to kill myself. Ive nevr been to a comic convention before and i dont have friends so i went by myself. Ive been wandering around maybe an hour and im about to go home. There are a lot of cool costumes but i feel more lonely than i usually do and im 20 dollars poorer. I dont belong anywhere and i hate that can’t escape that no matter what i try. Ill wander more then go home
Despite how beautiful, motivational and heroic this song is i feel like absolute shit. I want to die so so very bad. Why is non existence not an option. I rather have never known existing. Not been born. Not had to live as the ugly unhappy friendless kid turned ugly unhappy friendliness man. When i work out in attempts to burn the millions of pounds of fat on my body i hope I have a fatal heart attack and drop dead. That it will all be over. All the anger depression and nothingness. The loneliness the hatred the lack of belonging. The tears the longing […]
15 and a half months that’s how long i have left. I may end it sooner. Im tired of a lifetime in the cavern of inconsequential emptiness that is my existence. It is beyond overwhelming. Its an incredible despair that sets me apart amongst the suicidal. I don’t connect to anyone or anything. I am the embodiment of nothingness. Im tired of it. It encompasses everything i see do hear smell taste touch think about.
I’m tired as fuck of being alive. Im tired as fuck of the purest form of loneliness possible being my only neans of existence. I beg and plead and pry for meaning trying to ignore how meaningless and unlike everyone else on the planet i am. I dont matter i wont matter i cant matter ugly people dont matter. We dont the world makes us especially inconsequential. I hear a thunder bolt ring out and wisg the corresponding lightingwpuld strike and end my existence. Im tired of life I’m tired of being tired of life. Im tired of my lazy procrastination of my constant aging […]
Sorry for double posting. I want to have a heart attack. Im such a fucking failure. I’m so fucking alone and meaningless. I have no escape from this shit i want to die. I’m considering whether or not i can try attempt again. Unfortunately I won’t have any good attempts. Im thinking about slicing my thighs to ribbons just to express this pain.
https://youtu.be/n-cD4oLk_D0
I’m not doing anything being alive im tired of being alone. I actually went on a 2nd date today. Im supposed to have another one this coming week. That said i feel very little connection with her. Im grateful as i haven’t had a date before last week in years and very few in my entire life. I guess give it time but i just feel its always a matter of time until i get rejected again. Ive become unover someone i haven’t talked to in a year and will never see again anyway. I don’t want to live anymore in perpetual loneliness. There have […]
I just want to go to sleep and not wakeup. I’m still lonely. It’s not all gloom and doom. I’m just tired. My favorite artist of all time is dead instead of me. I’d gladly give my life for Prince to be alive I’ve been listening to his music my entire life. Somebody I used to love is still incredibly beautiful and i just think of how inadequate i am looking at her picture. I don’t think my death would be a big deal. I wish I’d just do it…at least for the moment.
Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]
Edit:
I like this video it makes me feel less sub conscious about my looks. The girl makes me a bunch of good points now onto the post
I said in a previous post that i would kill myself in 18 (now 17 1/2 months) then i realized its more like 11 1/2. You see if im in the home strech at the same point I’m at I’m going to do it. Don’t get me wrong im moving forward still working out i have an interview tomorrow in the new city im moving to (about an hour and a half away this makes the 3rd major […]
I didnt want to post but im starting to feel like absolute shit. I hate the way the mind works. Do you know why you/we have emotional triggers? Evolutionary psychology. Your (subconscious) mind doesn’t want you to cause yourself danger. As a result it reminds you of a (perceived) danger when you see something that signifies it. In the past you could see an area of your surroundings that meant there were dangerous animals or that you had a previous encounter with one in the area youd scare yourself to know not to continue. Now a days if you see a reminder of your past […]
I just want permanent sleep. I hate being in this existence its such an overwhelming walk of meaninglessness. I do try i do go forward i do quit i even try to get back up at times. Im just at my wits end. It feels like death is the only option. I dont comprehend existence. Im tired of only existing in such incredible loneliness. I want to die. Life never happens for the ugly and meaninglessness. Just more depair and reminders of failure. No comments. I dont want another rah rah go be better comment no matter how well it means to be.
Why is every comment i post is under moderation. Im not sure why? I commented to some really sad people a few times with my email. I kept using the same song on a lot of my posts. Outside of these 2 things I’m not sure what I did.
I’m tired of depression. It is all i know. I have no connection to anything. I want to die. Im tired of wanting to die but constantly living. Im tired of my brain. I’m tired of my loneliness. Im tired of inexplicably having everything i do here moderated. Im tired of having no identity or ability identify with anyone. I’m tired of being ugly. I’m tired of being fat. Im tired of whining. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of breathing. Im tired of annoying you all.