I came here often, not much to say. I’ve tried plenty of times, I’m just a dick.
Now I’m 19 weeks pregnant. Mom killed herself on Saturday. No email, no call, idk if there was a note. I didn’t realize how awful this end feels. No fucking answers. She knew I was pregnant and didn’t care. Knew I have no family and I’m in trouble, no biggie.
I still want to do it. All I did is sob before. Bf screams at me and threatens to kick me out all the time.
The world is fucked.
I read all these fucked up stories on ID. I’m the next fucking one. “Im the devil and I will cut your face off.” “I’m gonna break all your teeth out, stab you in the eyes and leave you wandering the streets. Duct tape you and leave you in the shower for a few days.” You fucking monkey, you retarded slut, you don’t do a fucking thing, fucking worthless whore.
Everyday. Walk on eggshellS. I’ll do anything, anything to make it stop. He didn’t save me, he damned me, to this life. Takes away every option. I had such an amazing opportunity, all the right pills, […]
I have no one to talk to about this. My mother has d.i.d. I have known this for years, she’s been on meds, therapy, whatever.
I have never “seen” her like this. Delusional, i think she thinks we’re talking in person, IN AN EMAIL. She has told me they are increasing her meds. I can’t talk to her about this, because idk if she knows whats going on in the real world. I am 2500 miles away and would really appreciate some feedback. I have two emails I need an outsiders opinion.
This was totally not specific enough. […]
Golly, I sure am getting a craving for ******** now. It’s so weird
What if when you die, if you kill yourself, your punishment is to come back worse than now. A starving kid, someone with a horrible debilitating condition. I guess thats true of any way you die.
I’m just so fuckin sick of this. Before I met tbis creature, I was happy. My own apartment, job, money in the bank, car , NICE things. I genuinely cared about other people. I would make a lunch to give to whatever homeless person I saw once a week on the way to school. He has taken everything from me. I am just a disobedient dog, fuckin stupid cow, dumb monkey.
I don’t just want to kill myself. I want to throw myself in front of bus/train, anything really. I want to jump out of a building. […]
Maybe I should just give it one more shot. My last time I was successful, well a combo of drugs and the lq withdrawls, either way, it did work, so it’s my time.
The other day some dude was talking about jumping, he had rented a room. I am super afraid of heights, but I hate wasting money, so I would just HAVE TO JUMP. Vodka will give me courage, unless it makes me sick, or worse I just fall asleep. I have the money right now to get a room and alcohol. I pray, many times a day, I pray for others and that I’m […]
I can keep it together for pretty long. Sunglasses on, hair down, blank fuckin stare.
Threw up “mop that shit up with your hair *****, i want you to get on your fucking knees and mop it up. You’re lucky i dont make you eat it.”
Lol. Call me a monkey, I love monkeys, im a ****, i love that word, very empowering.
Keep it together, don’t laugh, for gods sake don’t cry. I’ll be laughing when I’m selling my engagement ring. I’ll […]
Everyone crys or hurts after a break up. If you don’t, than you didn’t really care anyway. If I tried to off myself after every relationship that went sour, surely it would have worked…
You really can get over these people. It just takes time, depending on the person. The boy I dated before this guy, we were together a year and a half. I thought I loved him, but I loved the idea of him. I was lonely and in a new city. He offered me free drugs, had a nice car, and put up with my drinking. The sex was awful, but what did […]
I’m here. I’m with a man that I love, but idk how much he loves me. I’m still here, but he needs me for work. I know he could do it by himself, but it’s easier with two, and he wouldn’t have to pay a helper/assistant. Sometimes he acts like he really loves me. Sometimes he’s a monster. Says I have alot of making up to do. I was a horrible drunk for our first year together, so now I have to suffer. We haven’t had sex in over a year. This blows my mind. He’s amazing in that way, but now we […]
My best friend died. We were hardcore drinking buddies. She was 26. I told her about my withdrawl nightmare (but it actually happened). She died with an old man, that she didn’t care about, but he bought her vodka. I guess I was the last one to talk to her. It took them four months yo let us know she died from withdrawls. I f!$@ing died from withdrawls. He found her cold, hands frozen in place, thats what he told me.
I wanted her to come here, maybe I could help her. Both parents dead at 17. She was a tough girl. He wouldn’t ler […]
I want a fing drink. Being sober is nice most of the time… The thought of booze is great, but really you turn into a blathering idiot.
What the hell do i di? Hes told me he did this to his ex wife. That he can break all my teeth out, and bail out the next day. I can take alot, but he covered my nose and mouth with me in a headlock, and than i REALLY understood, he could kill me. Its great for him, because no one would evwn look. I dont speak to my family, have no friends anymore. The only people […]
Can I post a picture of an old si? Solely for the purpose of hoping it might stop someone else?
I want to do it, just out of spite. Won’t change a thing for him. Maybe a little pity from his family. Good excuse to do some drugs again. He doesn’t hear a fing thing i say, thats if im allowed to talk. Save my life, bring me back for what, to torture me. Homeless isn’t fun. Thats more of an early twenties thing. Florida is hot and people are cruel. I just want somebody to give a sh$t about me.
I really just want one of you dumb fing kids to listen, but no one will. It will happen to you. You aren’t invincible. Rape, […]
My fiance, boyfriend, whatever I should call him is it. Just makes me want to do violent things to myself. Screaming at the top of his lungs that I’m a monkey, a c#nt, a cow. Im so infuriated I want to just jump out of the car. I want to go running screaming at the top of my lungs, I cant take it anymore.
I read a man in Japan last Christmas jumped off the third floor of a mall, to his death, because his girlfriend wouldn’t stop shopping.
That’s how I freakin feel. It makes me to want to die . I dont understand why this […]
I have no friends. I have a fiance, who doesn’t understand depression. Who I cant really talk to. I wouldn’t want to tell him how bad I feel. Nobody really wants to hear our sad sob stories. You have to get it out though.
My whole damn life, like everyone else I guess, I have always thought, I don’t need to worry about doing blahblah, idk, drugs, too much sun, my credit. We’re all supposed to die before the repercussions of our poor decisions happen. Well I’m living proof, they are coming. I didn’t die at 18, 21, 25, 30. The brain damage from drinking, or […]
So for starters, I’ve tried to commit suicide maybe half a dozen times. Through pills, a few vain attempts at cutting my wrists, which have left my arms embarrassing and cumbersome for finding work. I have been a cutter since I was 15, but those scars are hidden.
I used drugs for many years, meth, x, and shot coke for awhile. Well, I did it, I quit drugs. At 22, but than I started drinking. Real fun drinking, but managed to keep a job. When I didnt have a job, I drank all day and all night.
So I meet a man. Also an alcoholic. We moved […]