I’m here. I’m with a man that I love, but idk how much he loves me. I’m still here, but he needs me for work. I know he could do it by himself, but it’s easier with two, and he wouldn’t have to pay a helper/assistant. Sometimes he acts like he really loves me. Sometimes he’s a monster. Says I have alot of making up to do. I was a horrible drunk for our first year together, so now I have to suffer. We haven’t had sex in over a year. This blows my mind. He’s amazing in that way, but now we just don’t. I haven’t got fat, and it didn’t get boring, or same old thing. I had a miscarriage, and not the same since. He says he’s afraid if I can’t get preggers again, it will make him hate me. So I could stay, hope he doesn’t start abusing me again. It’s rage I have never seen before. He’s just gone.
I have a friend who wants to buy me a ticket, to fly back to Denver. Idk what to do. Is holding on in case it gets better just a waste of time? I will miss him terribly, I can’t imagine not seeing him everyday. I left for three days, and it was heartbreaking.
Idk what to do. Not expecting anyone to read this or be helpful. Have a great evening guys, don’t kill youselves, tomorrow might be great.
10 comments
Our pain forces us to create and communicate. How we create and communicate is the key. If the pain is greater than your pleasure, then the situation needs to be reassessed. If your love doesn’t bring you life, it will surely bring you death. Be careful, brave, and confident in your decision. I hope everything works itself out in the end.
Please don’t stay with someone who has abused you in the past and you worry may abuse you in the future. Maybe a fresh start will be good. I can’t know your exact situation but I hope whatever choice you make ends in happiness.
Go to Denver. It’s clearly over with this guy. If he has severe anger issues that’s not your problem and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. (He should go to anger management therapy.)
He’s obviously incapable right now of being in a healthy relationship, but as for you, if you have realized what your faults are and have tried to change, you still have a chance. Make a new life for yourself alone, and maybe one day when you’re ready you’ll meet someone with whom you can have a beneficial involvement (sans abuse).
I don’t think it matters at all what you did in the past. I wouldn’t care if you were a horrible drunk, killed my dog, crashed my car, broke my arm– Whatever. You shouldn’t “have to suffer”. I don’t think that is love. I can’t imagine doing that to another human or animal. Would you make your cat suffer today because a few years ago she ate your bird? Why do I get the impression you are eager to take the blame?
I think if either of you are having intimacy issue / not having sex is your choice. That’s ok. Otherwise it seems clear that you both (or one of you) don’t feel “that way” about each other. I can’t tell you if he has changed (but, I don’t think abusers ever do). Or how he feels about you, or how you feel about him. I do know that it’s easier to stay in a shitty relationship and hope. It’s never worked out for me. I do know if you stay, you will never have the chance for something different, maybe better.
From the comments I have read from you, all I know is this. You should be with someone who puts a smile on your face and appreciates you for you. I like you just the way you are. And so should someone you give your time, heart and body to.
Idk if this is true with all “relationships” like this, but its an hour by hour thing. I’m ready to go and I’m mad, but than I get sad again. Fuck my diagnosis, call it what you will. It’s so funny, he yells at me and insults me in front of clients, and they talk to me so weird after. He loses us work for sure. I know he did this to his ex wife, she cheated and he really fucked her up.
But than, lalala, after afew kavas, we get along just fine. Idk if he thinks that we’re ok. I don’t see how he could. We just bought a house, made me put my name on it, so just more bs sticking us together.
I haven’t been in the mindset for years, but I’m sure everyone os familiar with the, oh, I’m just gonna kill myself, so who cares about..whatever. I’m way too scared now. It just doesn’t work. Of course I havent tried anything but od and cut my wrists (amateur stuff) I had a great method, but read recently it didn’t work for a woman.
For the relationships I have had, its defiantly not hour by hour. More a rough few hours maybe once a month. Generally brought on by stress or external factors. I’ve found sometimes all it takes is one person to be kind and listen. I can’t tell you how many silly situations I was able to dissolve because I found them so cute at their worst time.
I had someone cheat on me, I forgave them. While we split up later, I still love them and I would never hurt them. Just a point of view on how a person can be in a relationship.
In my mind, being with someone is about being better/more together. Laughing and smiling everyday. Love is not control. Love is not ownership. It’s supposed to be freeing.
I dunno 🙂
As a side note, I’m going to be in Denver early July for a conference. If you are there, we should grab a beer! ^_^
I have been sober since January of last year, probably theonly thing I’ve ever been proud of.
This person, this relationship has changed me. I have never just let a man make all the decisions and rule my life. Since I was 18, I was either on drugs, or drinking. I was very close with an ex of mine, although I’m not allowed to talk to him. I really dont know what my life would be like now, if I left. I’m rambling now, but I would like to know someone I could talk to.
Well, my point was not really ‘beer’. Hot chocolate would be just as fun. Just a mere point that I was going to be in Denver and you would been fun to talk to. ^_^
Leave. You tried to change but the one that needs to change is him, not you. It’s not your fault you had a miscarriage. It happens. If you’re not sure he loves you as much as you love him then it’s not worth it. If he’s abusive it means he likes to be in control of everything. Don’t stay with a man like that. You can do way better off without him. At first it’s gonna be hard to be apart from him but it gets better. Remember, never lose your dignity.