I’m here. I’m with a man that I love, but idk how much he loves me. I’m still here, but he needs me for work. I know he could do it by himself, but it’s easier with two, and he wouldn’t have to pay a helper/assistant. Sometimes he acts like he really loves me. Sometimes he’s a monster. Says I have alot of making up to do. I was a horrible drunk for our first year together, so now I have to suffer. We haven’t had sex in over a year. This blows my mind. He’s amazing in that way, but now we just don’t. I haven’t got fat, and it didn’t get boring, or same old thing. I had a miscarriage, and not the same since. He says he’s afraid if I can’t get preggers again, it will make him hate me. So I could stay, hope he doesn’t start abusing me again. It’s rage I have never seen before. He’s just gone.
I have a friend who wants to buy me a ticket, to fly back to Denver. Idk what to do. Is holding on in case it gets better just a waste of time? I will miss him terribly, I can’t imagine not seeing him everyday. I left for three days, and it was heartbreaking.
Idk what to do. Not expecting anyone to read this or be helpful. Have a great evening guys, don’t kill youselves, tomorrow might be great.