I keep having sudden rage
I want to stab myself
I screwed up so bad
A few months ago i met a girl and didn’t have a condom and I think she gave me something
I’ve made this mistake so many times because I’m always drunk
This time It didn’t end up so good
I can’t tell anyone and there is no reason for me to be acting this way
i cant stop thinking about how bad i want to end my life
I’m not coming back to log in anymore… I’m done reading about pain and ridiculous ways to die that iv’e already ruled out… I this to be painless… and comforting… coming back here is making everything worse… bye.
I know I should be thinking about ending my life but all i do is fight right now… my arms are weak from the pain… does it hurt to dream again? maybe she and i could be happy in our misery…
will be writing again soon… maybe it will ease some pressure and i can put some thoughts in order…
2:17am 12/30/12
unhappy thoughts… wanting to withdraw from college already… all alone for new years…
school is going to start, it’s going to be a sudden change of pace… reading, always reading… so many people… memorizing stuff… I may not have to post anymore… it’s interesting to have gone through this in this way… i’ll be back but who am I?
I’m sore from trying, I’d rather be sore from doing… my head hurts on and off… 2 more days until a new year… will I be able to do it? will I finally make it? I tell myself I’m strong enough… I do… I believe I’m ready to do this… Time is crawling…still I wonder, am I worth making this memorable again?
Did […]
grrrr gonna brush my teeth and play some cod
8:01am
still haven’t slept and slowly coming around
drinking coffee thinking about a post i deleted
2:33am
12/29/12
there’s so many reasons why i’m alone :'<
It’s been a rough couple of days… I’m sorry for all who are suffering I fight with this pressure in my head even as I’m trying to put it all behind me… I did manage to find some help… I’m glad i held on long enough… I will be more careful to not drain myself providing for another who is incapable of providing in return… It’s a rough lesson to learn when its family member or a loved one… I need time away from them and now that I’ve had some help I’ll be okay…
9:43pm
Sitting here remaining positive that I won’t allow that to happen […]
another letdown of a day, sitting here drinking coffee with my head pressure from my suicidal thoughts… so tired of being pissed off
I want to take some time and explain what I’m trying to accomplish with my life and why I feel so miserable… I start college Jan 2nd. I have been trying to get all the partying out of my system and so I have had my younger brother over for awhile (25)… I shared all i had Food, etc. etc. He had a Job and wouldn’t go to work because he was getting too messed up here and i kept giving him chance after chance day after day until he finally lost his job. I felt like that was my fault, like i hadn’t pushed […]
I managed to avoid going to the train tracks today… I took a bike ride to someones house that i thought might help me and he was not home… i waited but the timing was just not there… i rode all over in the snow on my bike i wouldnt go down no matter how fast i went… im too good for that… i went down to the tavern I really didnt know what i was doing anymore I was pretty dazed… I had a smoke with some fella’s i knew and one said he needed fresh cardboard for the night… then i was reminded […]
here i sit without clean clothes, drinking coffee and without a soul in the world to care for me. I hate life and I have nothing to do with it anymore, but im unable to end it right away. here shortly in a week or so I’ll attempt to fix my mistakes however it’s going to be very hard to carry on as i will feel like i failed at following through with suicide itself. beating suicide isn’t an achievement once you’ve sworn up and down to yourself you will do it regardless of what happens for the better. my ultimate hope is that i […]
I’m having a difficult time caring about anything anymore. Im angry at everything and want weed all the time just to sit and not give a fuck everytime i get smoke i make the mistake of sharing and then the fucks dont get me back so im always pissed at people and myself for that matter i have noone to trust and have no family and i still live right by them in the same city i did nothing wrong they just hate me for no fucking reason other than to not give a fuck about me i havent been this suicidal in a long […]