My birthday is tomorrow the 30th. I’ll be too busy at work to enjoy it. Not that I could because I’m all alone in the world. I thought my roommates were going to make me a cake but they didn’t. I only had dream guy over for Thanksgiving dinner and then by chance, he stayed over Friday night and left Saturday. I have to say though that I feel it was wrong to rant about him so much, he’s not a bad guy. I’m just the only person on earth he can’t possibly be attracted to. I wouldn’t be 38 and alone in the world […]
Shit I should have stayed at work if I’d have had any idea this would be a night of screaming and hollering about Lady Gaga and other anorexic girls and “how good” it looks when you can see every bone in their skeletal bodies! It’s like I truly don’t exist and I’d be my fucking paycheck I’ll be spending my birthday alone because he’s probably getting girls left and right now.
Shit, I’m getting to the point I wish I hadn’t ever met him. It’d be so much easier to go on thinking that Jamie (from Twiztid) was the hottest guy on earth. Shit, he’s famous […]
I don’t know what to think. I’ve been drinking to dull the pain. Now, I can’t drink much because it hurts my stomach, so I just sip it, little by little. I’ve had this four loko for 3-4 days now.
I’ve been in and out of chanting since I began because I’m so tired all the time and find it hard to commit to any religious practice. I’ve come to believe it’s real, though. It numbs me ever so slightly too.
None of this has been his doing. I’m sad, lonely, hurting, and numb on my own this time. I borrowed the iPad from work to get […]
Only one reply? Ya’ll must be disgusted and disappointed with me. Yes I know I did bad. I went back to see how it would be. And it wasn’t so bad this time. Started off slow and little communication but picked up later on when the roommates showed up they’re actually cool people and I’m getting better at talking in a group and not sounding like a fucking idiot so that’s good too. But yeah I’m a sucker because I went back, brought food, and ended up rearranging my financial schedule a little to cover him for a little bit of bud because he gets […]
That’s nothing new… hundreds of YouTube trolls told me that long ago. Anyway, I begged and kept on about trying to hang with the guy I like and I’m at the place he’s living now and about 8 people live here. Naturally there’s not much interaction and I’ve talked more to the other friend who does graphics design for a living and we compared work and gave tips to each other. And I’m staring at him like the piece of meat he is. Like a fat kid looking into a bakery when it’s closed for the night… looking at him and being unable to deny […]
not that it matters, i cut my hair after having gone a few months without going skinhead like i usually do (only because my head itches with hair. dandruff shampoo has helped). it doesn’t matter for shit if i can look almost human in an occasional photo, because underneath it all, i was born female and naturally have female parts and so the rules are still in place – you […]
Watch video drinking, pissed, hurt, lied to, too fat and ugly to ever be someone that a man would want to spend time with
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4aJmFQM7MPdSWI4SEkxNFpsUDQ/view?usp=docslist_api
I feel so alone and empty, dead inside, but sad and deeply hurting. I wish the guy I have lover and given everything to would value my existence even 1/10th of what little I feel I may be valued at my 2nd job. I mean, my 2nd job has just become the first place where I receive a little bit of praise and my ideas are accepted and not argued. But I wish I were worth something to him. I feel like in his ideal world, I’d be out of his life entirely and he would forget he ever met me.
Of course, he didn’t come […]
I’m afraid of this being the worst birthday ever for me. Not that it’s ever meant anything before. Only once as a little kid was my birthday really celebrated. I was maybe 4 or 5 and my mom had a friend from work who shared my birthday so he came over for dinner and she had a cake with both our names on it and he gave me a toy guitar and strung it up left handed for me. Then a couple of weeks later my mom threw it out because “music is the work of the devil” and all that. At some point when […]
I briefly saw the post today about wishing you had cancer, and have seen people here before talk about how unfair it is that those who want to die are perfectly healthy while people who have it all do die.
That’s sort of what a friend of mine has been going through for a long time lately. This friend doesn’t want to die and isn’t suicidal. He’s the 13 yr old gay kid I met when I was 18 and took on as my kid brother. Even though I haven’t seen him in about 18 years, he is and always will be my brother, blood or […]
Because they don’t make memes that say “I’m single because I’m holding out for a perfect 10 under 100 lbs with 0% body fat that’s super gorgeous that every man would die for and I want her to agree with me on everything and be open to swinging but otherwise never cheat on me.”
Yes he posted that meme and he posts tons of others like it.
I don’t know how to kill myself at this point. It’s cold again and like last year, I refuse to do anything that involves me being outside in the miserable freezing cold. But at this point I’d like to kill myself as a big “FUCK YOU” to everyone. I really want to delete my facebook all together. Why have it when I don’t have friends? It’s over with the asshole because -I- say it’s over. Real friends don’t constantly threaten to cut you out of their life unless you act like someone you’re not and pretend to be happy for them. That’s just being controlling. […]
I still want to kill myself. Good timing since my birthday is coming up. I wonder if there’s such thing as a best place to off yourself, as in a certain city, town or state that it’s just easy to do it in? I shouldn’t be fucking yelled at and treated like shit. Two god damn days of living in the city and it’s a pain in his ass to even talk to me and he has the fucking nerve to yell at me and be pissed!?!? I’m done, I’m out, I can’t fucking take another god damned fucking day!!!!
And I got my answer from […]
I knew it, you knew it, we all knew it. He got his life back together, so I’m not fucking important anymore. All I get is “I’m busy don’t text me”. No, of course there’s no room for me in his world. I’m not fucking needed anymore and I’m sure as fuck not wanted!!!!
Inspired by the post I just read & responded to… Any other November born people here? I’ve always seemed to get along best with people born within a month of my own birthday – 11/30. Libra thru Sagittarius seem to be my peeps.
Anyway, try to make brief update. Mind is mush. 2 days without sleep….
Halloween used to be my favorite day of the year and the fall used to be my favorite time of year but it’s managed to be miserable every year since 2011 when my first cat was sick and dying.
But right now I feel the most horrible. I feel sick to my stomach out of pure misery, sadness, depression and loneliness. I can’t say I feel like no one gives a fuck about me because I know that no one gives a fuck about me. I’m going to end up alone and homeless just like the universe and God intended from my very conception.
I’m all alone […]
I’ve come to the same conclusion as I did probably a good 15+ years ago. The guy I had loved so deeply is completely unobtainable. ALL MEN over 6ft tall and over 200 lbs are absolutely untouchable, unreachable and unobtainable. They all will only be with the skinniest, smallest, tiniest, anorexic looking women. He’s no exception. No one will ever love him like I could. To him, looks are what defines love. It’s love if he can get into her looks. I care, and hate to leave him on his own with what he faces in life, but he leaves me no choice. I’m too […]
As a follow up to my last post…
I feel so alone. He’s out with some other friends and earlier today I had to tell him about 20 times I don’t want to hear it and he actually said he thinks it would be good for me to get over him if I knew he went and fucked a random girl. No I just feel like my heart and soul got ripped out and stomped all over. It’s like he thinks my feelings can just be shut off and end on command. It’s like I’m not human at all. I feel so alone and like I […]
I can’t stand being in love with the most gorgeous and sexiest man alive because he’s untouchable and is forever doing everything in his power to find the girl that fits his mile long checklist of criteria she would have to meet to be perfect in his eyes, when I’m right here by his side wishing I could touch him. This is torture and I can’t turn off my feelings because I’m so close to him and I’ve never been so close to anyone before. I really wish it would go away or that I could switch it off. It still makes me want to […]