eternaldarkness

My life has been in shambles, in ruins, the last 15 years. Well, 18 years is when it went downhill. But definitely shitty AF the last 15. And it’s gotten progressively worse. The last few years has been hell. It’s come to a point where this trajectory is leading me to a quick trip to hell soon.

I want to know WHEN my life will get better, if ever?
It’s been so long that I’ve lost my will the past 15 years.
Not much fight/hope/will/determination/desire left in me…

There’s no way to know unless we have a crystal ball and a crystal […]

~2min
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xsi5qgUMz8w

You’re welcome 😛

OK peeps, go and listen to this and see if your wealth changes 😛

Ha! If only it were true…

I don’t want to give up and end it all, but I’ve got no fight left in me.

How do I climb up and carve a better life for myself if I’ve got no fight left?
How do I even keep on living/existing?

Every day is torture.

I don’t want to give up but I’m SO tired of fighting this world.
So tired of fighting myself.

I could’ve been something.
I could’ve made it.
Actually, I DID make it out.

But then I got sick.
And the Universe fucked me over.
And over and over and over.
Along with shitty people.
TONS of shitty people.

And back down I slid.
Every year for the last 15 years I’ve slid downhill.
And now I feel so far gone, I’m not sure I can even get back out of this hellscape.

I almost made it.
I almost fucking made it out.
ALMOST.
Fuck me. Fuck my shitty life.

GODDAMNIT, I ALMOST MADE IT OUT.

I’m so fucking angry.
I’m so defeated.
I could cry and scream but […]

So he died in 2017 but I only found out yesterday as I was reading the comments on YT. I don’t generally keep up with celebrity news. It’s shocking but not shocking at the same time…

I loved this song of his, you can see his anger and passion in the video and song. OFC the only people that understand me are the ones that off themselves -_-

Do dumb people irritate you? Bc they irritate the SHIT out of me.

So this guy here in this video gets fired bc he took a day off when his daughter died, which happened to be Black Friday. And SO MANY fucking idiots in the comments are saying “it is not Capitalism!” “It’s not Capitalism!” Especially in this one thread. More than a few arguing saying it’s not Capitalism. The fact that they fired him bc he dared to miss a day of work, during Black Friday, is precisely THE DEFINITION OF CAPITALISM! Not only do idiots in the comments […]

Listening to Faster Kill Pussycat sung by Brittany Murphy. I loved how she was so weird and quirky before ‘quirky’ was even a popular word O_o.

video

WHAT effing holiday is today? It’s June 10 in the USA. There is NO holiday today I know of but for some FUCKING reason, people are popping off firecrackers and shit left and right and it’s NOISY AF.

They need to ban that shit and have punishments for those who do them. It’s super loud, it’s annoying, and pollutes the air. Yes, the air STINKS now. I have the window and door closed and the smoke still seep in. But that’s also bc I have a shitty door and window bc this apt is a dump.

It’s not even […]

my shitty ass abusive family. I am the way I am BECAUSE OF THEM. I fucking hate them. When you’ve been tortured, physically, verbally, mentally abused, and beaten by them on a daily basis since the age of 5, OFC you’re going to grow up depressed, suicidal, and fucked up.

still the same shitty, selfish, callous, evil person she always was. Not only that, but you find out she’s a manipulator and chronic liar, and always has been. You think to yourself, JFC, WHY did I ever think she’d get better now that she’s old. She’s the same shitty evil person she always was, and she is, and will always be. Fucking gaslighting and lying about everything, and gossiping and bad-mouthing me to the rest of my relatives. Puts the blame of everything on ME when it is SHE that either can’t fucking remember she moved my stuff or she […]

That’s precisely the problem. As an econ/finance major, this is the exact shit they lied to us about and have been brainwashing the masses for the last few decades. Hell, most of the shit they “taught” us in my econ classes have turned out to be complete BS! Even back in Uni, I had thought certain specific things in our textbooks seemed strange. Now I know why. -_-

Hell, I was the ONLY one questioning things. NO ONE else in ALL of my classes ever questioned anything we were being taught. Talk about sheeple being sheeple.

These people in charge are […]

Fucking pissed off “family” kept trying to convince me to move back here. I should NOT have listened to ANY of them. I come back and it’s absolute shit here, both the living environment + how fucking shitty family is to me. ESPECIALLY with how SHITTY they are to me. Fucking unreal.

WHY TF did I let myself get convinced by them? It’s a FUCKING NIGHTMARE being here.

I was “good” terms with mother before I left, and bc she has a fucking DIFFICULT personality and has ZERO respect for me, things went to shit the second I got back. […]

So I was looking at the map and saw “Cuts and Slices.” So OFC my morbid mind automatically thinks of “cutting/SH” O_o Would be funny if they were next to the other shop, “The Cutting Room.” 😛

I don’t have anything to live for-

-Some people have family, husb/wife, pets, etc. I have NO ONE.
-Some people have their health- I have life-long health issues that causes my depression and makes life so fucking difficult.
-Some people believe in a higher power- and that gives comfort to ppl. I have no such comfort.
-Some people believe in some kind of purpose- I have NO purpose, no reason to live. For what?
-Some people believe in an afterlife- aka JUSTICE- reward/punishment in heaven/hell. I don’t believe in any of that.

What is the point of living if there is NO ONE […]

like Death Note
or anything morbid lol

There’s many reasons why “therapists” did not work for me, and one of those reasons is what this guy mentions.

People think that going to see a therapist automatically means they are all good, qualified people and help you get BETTER, but I’ve been to many therapists and they do such a shitty job that I felt WAY WORSE after sessions. People think “just see a therapist” as if it’s an end-all be-all. Like oh look, there’s a SOLUTION and you just won’t take it. Then blame you if you don’t go or if the shitty therapists don’t help.

Many of those people are […]

I was typing up a WHOLE LONG post and my finger slipped (as it often does) and accidentally closed the page (as it often happens). The WHOLE THING IS LOST. So fucking annoying.

And my finger slips and hits keys I don’t want to hit all the time, probably bc the keys on the keyboard are too close together (I’m on a small laptop) and whatever buttons required to close a tab is way too easy to accidentally press. -_-

I am FUCKING PISSED that the shitty PC place refused to let me take the PC Repair Class years ago. There was a program for unemployed people to take classes so they can learn skills and get employed, and they had one right near my old apt. But they wouldn’t take me bc I wasn’t the race they wanted (it was run/staffed by a certain group of ethnic people) and they wouldn’t let me take that class even though I qualified. It was a horribly racist place. I qualified and they refused to even put me on the list bc […]