eternaldarkness

I haven’t had any real sleep since my car accident. No, I was not driving, I was a fucking pedestrian.
Whatever the car accident did, caused me to be unable to have deep REM sleep, so I’ve been chronically tired ever since then. As you can imagine, I’m fucking tired and exhausted and I just want to fucking SLEEP!!! If I could stab someone and if that meant I’d be able to sleep again, I’d fucking do it.

I literally have not a single night of REAL sleep since then. It’s been 14 years. And no, it’s not due to “stress” […]

someone would either help me or just put me out of my misery.

Or are we destined for a life of chronic depression till death eventually does us in?

Well there you have it folks, that’s what I have. It has made it to wikipedia. The term needs to be made more commonplace bc at least HALF if not the majority of depressed ppl suffer from this shit, and it’s why we’re depressed.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_life_syndrome
“Shit life syndrome (SLS) is a phrase used by physicians in the United Kingdom and the United States for the effect that a variety of poverty or abuse-induced disorders can have on patients.”

Is that term used much in the US though? This is the first time I’ve ever heard this term.

this godawful feeling of hopelessness, of despair, of depression. I can’t shake it. It’s like a shadow, with me 24-7. It is me, and I am it.

and get anything at all done. been like that for 3 months. like, what a useless shit i’ve been. can’t even get the smallest thing done.

Feel so lethargic and fatigued. Have ZERO energy to do anything. I have to drag myself to pee and shower, let alone actually DOING something.

I don’t know what to do.

Suicide hotlines and chats do NOT work for me.
Going to a mental health hospital does NOT work for me (gone 3x in the past).
Therapists do not work for me (unless by miracle I actually find a good one), which takes YEARS or DECADES to find so that’s not happening.

Thinking positive, thinking happy thoughts, meditation, yoga, going for a walk- does NOT work for me.

Online depression groups haven’t helped either.
All anyone can do is “listen” and you type out words and people read it. It only does so much. Great if you just need to vent […]

always being depressed and feeling like shit. It’s been 40+ years of this shit and no, things don’t “get better.” It’s only gotten worse over the years and decades. What is the point of going on if this continues to be the present and future? The only thing stopping me is not having a way out. I don’t know any fool-proof guaranteed way that is quick and painless. Everything has it’s caveats and flaws, and when it comes to actually committing it, I can’t risk it failing bc life could be MUCH much worse if you fail and do […]

they were shot by a random bad guy?

Like imagining you went to the bank or store, and some random bad person is there, holding up the bank or store or restaurant with a gun, and you’re like, “ok, shoot me and put me out of my misery.”

I wouldn’t want to suffer and be bludgeoned to death or anything. It’s a very specific fantasy about being shot (1 shot, quick and fatal) without me having to suicide.

I have these thoughts ALL the time.

Too afraid of using a gun on myself bc I hear of so many stories of how ppl survive and are fucked up […]

I am all alone in this world. No one understands me. No one cares about me.

I need love but do not have any.
I need compassion and understanding but do not have any.
I do not have friends. I do not have S.O., I do not have family that gives a shit about me.
I need physical help but do not have any.
I need better health but I’m just wasting away and getting worse.

My head hurts
My body hurts
My heart hurts.
I want it all to end.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am […]

I am fucking up my life bc I’m too depressed to take care of things and do the stuff I need to do.

So apparently Ted Bundy worked at a suicide hotline when he was a psych major in college. Imagine calling a suicide hotline and getting a serial killer on the other end of the line?

Everyone tells you to call one of those places when you’re depressed. But you ever wonder who you are talking to when you call one of these places? No one ever thinks of WHO is on the other end of the line.

The ONE and ONLY time I ever called the suicide hotline, (I was depressed but NOT suicidal) the lady on the other end of the line managed […]

Which one are you?
Me: #3 SUS!

What would you do if you found:
1- $10?
2- $100?
3- $1000?
4- $10,000?
5- $100,000?
6- $1,000,000?
7- $10,000,000?
(let’s say it’s not anyone’s lost money or any mafia money, so it’s ok to keep it or use it)

8- and would you still be depressed af if you had 1M or 10M?

Very profound and heartbreaking video. Definitely check it out!

This is why stuff like “thinking positive” doesn’t work on a lot of ppl.
If you’ve been abused/neglected/etc it goes way beyond just “thinking happy thoughts.”

Also, a commenter made a great point:
“It’s sad and everyone understands when it’s a child, but these same children become adults and people just expect them to be fully functioning and well-developed. There is no compassion then.”

EXACTLY.
We are just blamed and told to just “suck it up” and “forget about the past” and “just move on.” Anyone who’s ever been abused knows it’s not easy to just […]

Came across this on reddit.

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“In my opinion this is why our smartest individual often suffer from crippling addictions.

The difference between “smart” and “dumb” is usually just focus with a sprinkling of aptitude. “smart” people focus more on their tasks for longer, but i dont think thats always a choice. Often “smart” people are frankly obsessed with whatever it is they are doing, to an unhealthy degree, and not by choice. Some minds just always need that level of stimulus, and for them i think the only way to ever actually rest in a lot of ways is to numb with substances. In […]

Would you rather have one superpower (telepathy, teleporting, flying, etc) OR be very happy?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/202208/the-dark-side-of-staying-positive?fbclid=IwAR1TGzZbDUhV6x1Ti1_qpZM_35I-lb4fNLLlDN6XpRpReEJbuelQnC2yz1g

A day where they shove happy couples in our faces, as if we weren’t lonely and depressed enough already. -_-