fakehappy

except the truth is seldom absolutely positive.

This time it involves a past love that openly admitted their vindictive nature. An inability to love without some kind of competition that results in someone’s heart being shattered.

And that’s not love.

Guess we get what we deserve. They got their heart shattered And now I’m the blanket they cry on about their pain. I did ask them to stay away but they work into my head.

I feel less human everyday. My heart says I love the most destructive or unempathetic people and it’s killing me. As an empath, I need love.

At this rate I’ll never have a kid, and […]

I just want to shine, not in a way that detracts from others. Yet people are not able to understand so I isolate myself. Life is something different to me apparently. To them it is ego and ‘purpose’ that they have been brainwashed to believe. They will hurt others to get what they want. 

I hate a lot of things for someone with so much love. Just the idea that it’s all getting to me is such a hard thing to resist. Too much trauma, not enough hope. Hope is the affliction of a romantic.

The people I love do not want me, nor do I want […]

So, someone me and one of my ex’s used to try and help for a while died not long ago.

Not just died but killed himself with an overdose in the doorway of a ‘suicide prevention service’.

And then they proceed to write articles about a perfect but troubled ‘beautiful young man’. Are you fucking kidding me, that guy was low-key trouble. He seemed like he held ideologies but when he was on his own with me he’d get funny with me and just help himself to everything in the kitchen. Not to mention the heroin addiction, he wanted to reel me in. Another ex at the […]

After all this time, I can’t stop seeing you everywhere. It feels like you will always be missing from me. And maybe I’m better off for it, please let that be the truth. Whatever truth is.

I try to be proactive about self improvement but I wasn’t the one that needed to improve. Some of us just get taken advantage of… taken for granted. We have good hearts but instead we are purposely misunderstood, until our voice is crushed under the weight of other people’s bullshit.

My head tells me the fight isn’t over, but what am I fighting for? I don’t want to create a family, I don’t want to pro-create, I don’t want to experience the pain of love again… a temporary endeavour that just takes away the focus from ourselves.

Sometimes I know I want to give up, and sometimes […]

Anyone know where to acquire it? Also possibly stuff like undo buttons, love and inspiration…. the ability to forget .. ect..

Despite how much effort I put in, it feels like everything ends the same. This time I calmed any kind of ego to accept help but the depression was crushing me, I felt like somehow I had given just another person a permit to cross my personal boundaries. So I tried to communicate that I felt it was affecting my sense of self and recovery but honestly… nothing puts controlling people’s backs up like drawing lines. No one is perfect, I get it. Just I can’t do this on my own. But now I have to.

As a result there’s a lot of time to myself […]

I’m aware some people think this is a myth but I known of many people that struggle with their gender identity.

Personally I really don’t identify as a female but also I don’t have characteristics of a male. Recently I thought perhaps I’m adrogenous. So like both but neither. I think it’s a result of trauma and things in the past but also I just never wanted to be female. I wouldn’t get a sex change either though… anyone know much about this topic?

It feels like an emptiness that is then succeptable to pain, anger and loneliness. I hope people can forgive us all for mental health… we didn’t ask for it.

On a happier note I challenge people to write with predictive text in the comments 🙂 kinda like this…

What I did for you is the best thing I have ever seen in my life. Parrots are not the same as the sun but they can be helpful in getting some people out of the way.

It’s strangely entertaining…

the good out of life. It replaces real interaction with superficial egotistical masks. And don’t get me started on stalking… technology is too much for our little monkey minds.

https://youtu.be/U0_sPaUQo1Q

A wise person once said ‘don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to’. Truer words never spoken.

No matter what I say, I am trapped here

Lost, the pain just got worse

Even without missing your touch

I have endured too much

Things I never got to tell you, not that you wanted to know.

Not that you’d have understood the pain. I wish I’d never met you. I wish I’d shut doors sooner.

Not just to you but to everyone. Because I know most people don’t care about us.

They just care how we make them feel.

He just cared if I’d let him between my thighs, so he could crawl up into my mind and take over.

He took up my time and told me I wasted his. Wasted […]

What does it mean when someone you love and fell out with badly because they met someone new, and were a general nightmare to be with suddenly unblocks and texts you?… it just hurts. And to be fair it hurts even more pretending I wasn’t in hospital the other day for suicide attempt… life is strange, cruel and unusual at times.

I got taken to A and E two days ago and had to wait 10 hours to be seen. If that wasn’t enough I got there and they said you got a complicated condition, more complicated than PTSD but sorry we don’t have the facilities here, bye. Oh and here’s a number to call incase you feel like you are going to kill yourself again. It’s a fucking Christian organisation which is enough to put me off instantly. Religion is such a pile of bullshit I don’t want to owe them gratitude if they are think they are samaritans they are blatently doing it for […]

Consciousness isn’t a journey upward, it’s a journey inward? Am I riight?

I feel like I’m insane. Send help.

Okay so, I had this long term experience of grieving over a living person recently. It got so bad I started seeing them, like an apparition. I understand why people believe in ghosts… or refer to past lovers/friends as ghosts.

I know my my mind is not competely coherent but, can anyone share any similar experiences to help me deal with this mentally? No pressure.