Everything happens for a reason…
You saw this for a reason… If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight,
Here it is.
You are worth it, don’t waste all the talent &Â beauty you have <3
I don’t know about everyone else, but when someone comments on a post or posts that they just want to die, it hurts me….
No one deserves to feel like that, yet so many people do.
Everyone deserves to smile, yet so many people don’t.
No one deserves to be emotionally beaten badly enough to want to die.
Death is a very serious thing, and suicide can be prevented, but a suicidal person can’t do it alone.. THEY NEED HELP. Everyone needs helps sometimes
I would rather die than feel the way IÂ do right now. I would rather die than ever have to live another night feeling worthless, hopeless, alone, and in need of self harm. I would rather die than see everyone else being happy without me (as they currently are). I would rather die and watch everyone claim “they had no idea I felt this way”
I would rather die than fight on..
I am mistreated horribly by so many of my friends. I do everything for them & they barely acknowledge my existence.
I’m so sick of being under appreciated, therefor I am making no efforts to see anyone. If people want to be with me, they can tell me.. I will not be walked all over anymore. I put everyone before myself and that’s what got me into the situation I’m currently in.
Cutting was pretty much the only thing I did for myself, and now it’s being taken away.
I want to cut so badly… someones gotta convince me out of it. I need to cut. I need a blade on my skin right now, I need to see blood. I can’t deal with taking cutting completely out of my life.. I need it. I NEED TO CUT I NEED TO BLEED AND I NEED TO FEEL IT. Holy fucking shit getting help is way harder than I thought.
I am convinced that everyone deserves the best, except myself. If Hitler were still alive, I’d be convinced he deserved happiness more than me. Everyone and anyone has value, except me. All those people who die, I deserve to be them. I find everyone to be perfect and beautiful except me.. I can’t be the only one who thinks this poorly of themselves.
Nights like these are always the hardest…
My insomnia’s got me wide awake with my mind racing. It’s the perfect time to cut.. Under any other circumstance I would, but I just started treatment. I’ve been on a happiness high, but I guess that’s over. I guess this is my first test of treatment.. Will I stay strong?
As many of you know I went to my first therapy session today… it was amazing. I was diagnosed with anxiety, possibly bipolar, and possibly depression. Within 45 minutes this therapist understood me well enough to make this diagnosis. This is because I was completely honest which is what I advise everyone to do when getting help. It is the greatest relief and just knowing what is wrong makes me so much happier. Help is definitely scary, but if you find the right kind of help as I did, it is so worth it. I wish you all the best on your journey as I […]
As I’m getting ready for my first therapy session I’m obviously SO NERVOUS! I know I want and need to get better, but new experiences are so hard for me… As I’m thinking this though I’m reading all the texts from friends, family, dance teachers, ext saying how badly they want me to get better & how proud they are already of me for doing this. I’m ready. I’ve gotta go nip this cutting thing in the butt. I need to be happy because I deserve it, everyone deserves to be happy. Wish me luck on this new adventure I’ll call recovery (:
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session… to be honest I am nervous, but really excited. I’m determined to go in there knowing what I want to accomplish and making it happen. I really hope the excitement I’m feeling about getting help is something that one day everyone can feel as well.. I want to be happier and healthier. I will make this change.
The other day, I did a very shocking thing. Something I swore I’d never do…. I asked for help. On the way to school I explained to my m0m the severity of my cutting and told her I wanted it to end. I’m still in awe that I did it. Everyone I’ve told is so happy, but the anxiety for what’s coming next is driving me mad. I want to understand what will happen next… am I going away? When asked, should I say I’ve thought about suicide?
I’m at the point where I find cutting to be no big deal…. I mean it isn’t on my wrists, so I’m not gonna hit anything vital. Plus I’m not doing it deep enough to do any real damage.. Yeah it bleeds, but ya know that happens. I find cutting to be no big deal, and sorta like a hobby. Sometimes I hope & pray certain people will notice the cuts though. I don’t want them to do anything, just notice & ask.
So today is my birthday & the anxiety I was feeling over it wasn’t even ok.. It started off horribly, then the surprises began. Friends gave me balloons, notes, baked goods, gifts and candy. At that moment I realized how important I must be… people don’t give birthday gifts to those who aren’t important.
Then, I went out to a fancy dinner with my mom & sister. As we ate at this expensive restaurant, I realized how important I must be to my family as well. We wouldn’t be going out if I wasn’t.
Today I realized I can’t die, because despite my own ideas, I’m important. I must […]
I don’t know how to “diagnose” what I am… I’ll share my symptoms and if someone, anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated:
-I cut
-I think about suicide, yet I’m scared when my life is threatened
-The anticipation of doing anything besides going to bed literally terrifies me
-I could be fine one minute, and cutting profusely the next
-I think about cutting all the time, I even do it when I’m not upset.
-I’m very open about my problems to everyone except my family
I’m begging anyone to please help clarify what is wrong with me & what I need to do to feel ok again..
Has anyone ever thought about the next few days of their lives, and just dreaded them so badly? Literally losing sleep stressing over what could just be a normal day?? It’s been happening to me a lot lately, and it’s made me cut (a lot) & even made me consider suicide…. Every time though, the days I’m dreading turn out fine, some times there even good days. If I had killed myself, it could be over something that wouldn’t even be real.. Is this anxiety? Dreading each day this severely that you stay up all night so it seems further away? Someone’s gotta know.
Last night one of my dance teachers wanted to talk about me (she knows everything) & eventually I told her about my relapse with cutting.
She asked what I considered “good things” about me, and all I could say were my cuts. We started talking about my options & all I could say was death. I could tell it hurt her to hear that, but it was all I could say.
It’s been stuck in my head that all this is “normal” & once I got home (after promising I would try and stay away from cutting) I relapsed again.
I’ve been wondering if anyone else feels like this, […]
Why have I not crumbled, why have I not cracked? I feel myself deteriorating.. Everyday I swear I won’t get out of bed, and everyday I swear I’m going to cry myself to sleep. I swear each day will be my last, but guess what? It never is. I push through & I survive… & so do you. Spend a few minutes reading this & you will continue to survive…
-Take a big breath in…Now let it out.
-Do something that makes you smile (listen to music, sports, art, ect.)
-Take a piece of paper & write “I will smile again” because guess what? I promise you will.
-Keep […]
I don’t want “periods” where I am clean. I want to be clean forever. I don’t want the blades on my skin anymore. I don’t want the panic when all is said and done. I don’t want to see the blood. I don’t want to have to hide parts of my body anymore. I don’t want all these bad things, yet I continue to do them. No matter how many times I think I’m cured, I’m not. Am I trying to kill myself? Would I ever? I’m not ever sure of the point of this post.. Answers? Advice? No idea….
Today I was asked one good thing about myself… the only thing I could think of was my scars. I hate that I can’t find a single good thing about myself besides my self mutilation.
It’s been some time since I’ve posted on here, because I really haven’t had much to say. Things had been normal & for the most part everything was cool, I was beginning to be able to handle myself… Then I lost it. Yesterday I literally tore apart my room, balled my eyes out & cut. I cut in a visible place (which makes it worse for me) & it sucks. Ppl have been noticing and since my cat recently passed I can’t use the cat excuse anymore. Idk I just had to get this out… I wish I knew what made me temporarily lose my mind, any […]