I tried again to commit suicide And it didn’t work. I was so doped up I slept for days and was unable to walk or talk when I woke up. I went into the middle of the mountains, out of sight and away from everyone and everything. I swallowed a ton of sleeping pills and I fucking survived. Fuck me! what the hell! God damnit! I don’t want to do this anymore but I can’t seem to change anything. I can’t even commit suicide. I’m just forced to suffer through because that’s all I can do. This is so fucking frustrating. I don’t feel much […]
Most people who are not depressed or suffering a mental illness simply feel like commiting suicide because of incidents or because life is miserable for a while. Or because life hurt them and they can’t or don’t want to move on in other words.
My story isn’t like that. All that is just icing on the cake for me. that kind of thing has happened to me but it was the last straw that made me stop trying not the overall cause. I’m sitting here on the roof of a four story building thinking of jumping for the record. To begin with I stayed […]
I started out in life with an addiction to electronics. From well before I New better. And therefore didn’t get a lot of social interaction. I also didn’t interact with family much. So long story short I wound up with a lack of experience couple with people reacting negatively to me. For far too long I stayed innocent clinging to it in the end feeling like letting go of it would be unbearable. Clung to silk imagination fantasy and refusal to accept and deal with reality. I was separated from all I knew due to acting out in frustration by prison. I wasn’t a murderer […]
Imagine u r playing with gijoes or Barbie dolls one minute and pretending to be a hero or princess. U believe in the goodness of people and trust without fear. Imagine you are still attached to rubbing silk between your fingers or clinging to that bear or blanket. Now imagine u r expected to live as an adult but u literally didn’t live and learn so u r 30+ but still have that innocence. You are literally just a child despite your age. Then imagine u get raped. Suddenly u r MADE aware of all the evils in the world. Rape, murder, abuse happens. And […]
As the title suggests I don’t. The truth is I haven’t wanted to continue for a long time now. The only reason I do is because I know it only gets worse if I don’t wake up go to work smile and look normal. I’ve honestly and wholeheartedly tried to commit suicide before. Multiple times in fact. I always did my homework first. Had stitches and coma as a result. From overdosing to slashing my wrists I always chose a good method and I truly didn’t care how hard it was I was dead set intent. I was always well away ( or so I […]
here i am at another job that is easy as fuck and i cant seem to get with the program.
the last job i had was as a dockhand. i spent all day just essentially being helpful to boaters and customers in a bait shop. i had the ocean view to look at all day and as a man spent all day staring at the random girls that came around in bikinis. at that time i also lived on a sailboat and came to shore right next to a bar in the fl keys. there was nothing bad about my life at all. yet somehow […]
I know I need to be In a hospital but I know it won’t do any good. In fact a few days after I enter I’ll be back out all because I am unable to let it out. And in the end I’ll just lose my job and god knows what else in the meantime. Maybe it’s time for another vacation across country with the wind anyway
Here I sit thinking how could I likely get away with it again. Listening to music and drinking to dull it. Coming here again to try to let off some steam. Hopeing in the end I’ll either pass out or figure out what to do.
I’ve been looking real hard at the rooftop of a three story building ( easily accessible) and of a 7 story building I wish was more accessible. Cement at the bottom of both is a plus. I keep thinking about them and I’m highly tempted to try again but knowing my luck I’ll be caught or survive again. So I just […]
let me avoid the whole telling my story thing. It’s not really important in the end.
Imagine for one second u knew nothing. U r completely innocent still pretending still dreaming and involved in fantasy and still wholeheartedly without a care in the world except u know this is enjoyable and that is not (whatever this or that is). U have never been hurt. A child’s mind. Insert games movies and TV. They become all u know. They are your world. U don’t know people or the world hardly at all including ur own parents. U have no knowledge whatsoever let alone of evils, rape murder […]
To begin with everyone has a horror story about growing up or life seems difficult to them. This isn’t like that, I’ve had my horrors growing up some typical some different but I don’t struggle because of them rather they are just extra things to overcome.
First u have how I started life. simply put I didn’t live or learn, let alone learn to socialize. Instead I was so involved with gaming movies and TV that they were all I knew. I mean all I knew. I didn’t even know my own father mother or brother despite living in the same house. I knew nothing not […]
Nearly every day suicide is a thought on my mind. Its not if but when and how. As I walk down the sidewalk I think about the buildings, are they high enough how would I have to jump to land head first or on a fence post, can I get to the roof? I look down from rooftops longingly even dancing on the edge. As I travel the streets I consider getting hit by a truck. I don’t budge from the road as they pass and occasionally step towards a vehicle. As I go through the store I look at the pills I think will […]