Still dealing with anxiety, schizophrenia, depression..I met someone. Who promised fight until I get better. Who promised to stay with me even on my worst days. It’s been 5 months and surprisingly he still with me.. but I’m scared of losing him. He’ll get tired of me, my breakdowns are because of him. Because I just think of the day he’ll leave me, I feel so stupid but I just can’t help it.. how am I supposed to deal with this without hurting him? It’s been hard for me. I think about him day and night, but, I also think about killing myself day and night. […]
So.. they told me I’m cancer free, and YES I’m so happy for it, I’m still dealing with my depression and anxiety problems but everything is working well.. I guess.
I met this guy, he’s like me. Depression, anxiety and Schizophrenia is what we have in common. I love him, I’m so in love with him that makes me sad, because he’s giving up and I don’t know what to do. Everything I say or I do is for nothing because he doesn’t care, and he don’t care the fact that it was hard for me too and I’m dealing with it.. and he doesn’t believe, […]
2 hours ago I took 65 pills. Random pills. Nothing. I feel nothing.
I have this suicidal thoughts and It’s horrible and ironic and hilarious because I’m going to die and I’m thinking of killing myself! I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I don’t have a future, why waste this months? I feel so stupid because of this.. still don’t know where my mom is, she don’t give a shit about me hahha I’m so alone, I know you are going to tell me I’m not but I feel that way and It’s so stupid. S.O.S
Hi Everyone!, It’s been 4 weeks since they told me I have leukemia, It’s been hard without my mom I don’t know where she is and my grandma don’t give a damn about me, so they send me to this shelter actually It’s a hospital for kid haha The doctors are taking care of me and if I survived I’ll spend the rest of my life paying MedInsurance hahah.
So hmm, I don’t know if i’m getting better or worse, but I’m sure of something. I’m fighting and giving the best of me.. and If I make it I would be proud.
The hard part […]
Yup. Totally fucked up since the fucking day I was born. So this past 2 years have been so so messed up, wait that’s not the right word. HAVE BEEN SO FUCKED UP!! Last monday was my 3rd time I tried to commit suicide, didn’t work as you can see, so I’ve been at this shitty hospital all this week and a couple hours before doctors told me I have cancer (leukemia). Not the best news I wanted but ammm I can’t do anything about it, because I did this all bymyself so right now I;m lost, and please don’t. Don’t tell me everything is […]
Ok. So umm, I have this 2 years with depression and I just realize the fact that I saved my friend’s life and they didn’t care when I tried to kill myself. So I think this is all fucked up. All this system I mean wtf people! Why are they so hypocrites? Oh my god. I’m not saying that’s why I tried to kill myself because I do have my reasons, but they knew and they didn’t care, and I just realize that. and it makes me sad, because they knew how lonely I felt and I feel, and they know about everything and […]
When you know everything is so fucked up and you can’t do anything about it?
When you really want to die but you have reasons to live?
When you really need someone to talk but no one is there for you?
Because I do..
Now I’m staring at the moon wondering why the bottom fell out , I’ve been searching for answers and there’s questions I’ve found. I’m feeling sad and alone.. again. And i’m losing control, i’m not ready to drown. I feel like I’m just too fucking bruise to keep fighting. I wrote this letter to my family saying ”I’m calm and feeling warm”.
And this bad feeling is coming for me, my eyes have been closed to the world. I can’t do it again. I need to be strong but I just I can’t.. I’m crying all alone in this empty room..again FUCK I hate this, fucking tired […]
I just, today I took a sip of something poisoned but I’ll hold on tight. I’m coming down hard and my joints are all stuck.
“Helena Beat”
Sometimes life it takes you by the hair
It pulls you down before you know it
It’s gone and you’re dead again.
I’ve been in places and I won’t pretend
That I’d make it out just to fall on my head
Wake up strange and take the walk downstairs
Hit the pawn up on the corner and pay for my rent
You know that I could not believe my own truth
Just show them what I choose, got nothing to lose
Yeah yeah and it’s O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don’t fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I’m alright.
I […]
7 Pm. Last Monday.
I took 25 Vicodin pills and a glass of vodka.
I said goodbye to everybody, and then I felt guilty. My first thought was like I’m doing this because I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. I cried a lot. Wrote a few letters and then I don’t know what really happened next.
When I woke up, I was puking all over the hospital, I remember my mom crying and she told me: You have to survive because I have no one left. A few hours later, I found myself in this white lonely room, and I have vomit […]