I have no outlets to let my stress out or whatever negative thoughts I’m feeling about myself that day, what happens to me is I find distractions through: surfing the internet,watching TV,etc. and at some point everything feels like a distraction because you go to sleep with all those negative thoughts and you just bury them and the pain is still there and it and the next day the cycle repeats, and the days seem to be shorter and everything seems to be moving fast and you feel like you’re being left behind. I’ve read that with depression you lose interest in activities you once […]
I tend to isolate most of the time and spend a whole day in my bed, but the more I do the more I feel suicidal,frustrated,and like giving up. I find it hard to open up to people because I feel like I’m being a burden to them so I’ve kind of always kept my problems to myself but the problem with that is that I have no outlet (other than this site) and I don’t know what to do my when it comes to expressing my feelings I can never quite say what it is that I’m feeling and I’ve grown so used to […]
It’s a struggle having to hide my depression for fear of being judged. I feel like most people wouldn’t be able to understand depression which is understandable because how can you understand what you haven’t gone through? but I feel that because I feel as though I’m going to be judged by other people I’ve become very closed-off and that has played a part in some of my problems today like why I don’t like meeting people, why I don’t trust people, why I have anxiety and self-esteem issues,etc. . It really hurts me that I feel like I can’t be open about my depression […]
Recently I’ve noticed that the more social I become the more suicidal thoughts I feel. I was with my friend yesterday and I was fine but as time went on I felt so insecure I don’t remember my exact thoughts but I know that they were self-hating it’s funny how I get lonely yet I feel awful when with people I feel like I don’t matter which I really don’t. I really feel upset when I hear good news from other people like oh ” so and so is doing so well they’re doing (insert activity here)” it just makes me feel like I had more going […]
I contemplated suicide today but didn’t go through with it. At the moment I was ready to go because I felt so overwhelmed and I asked myself “what  am I doing here?” I felt like I was at a dead end, where there was no point to moving forward because it’s the same thing everyday and this is the first time I’ve ever felt so certain about it.  I’m so tired of struggling and no amount of “it will get better” or “keep trying” makes me feel better not even expressing myself on here does. This week I’ve had two triggers both were […]
I’m procrastinating really badly on school work right now and I need someone I feel really weird saying this but I don’t want to fail, sorry if I seem like I’m depending on anybody but I’m having horrible anxiety.
I’m such a loser and a nobody outside of school I don’t do much but stay in my room surfing the internet or sleeping. I’ve had a lot of anxiety recently which is making it hard to do school work, whenever I see a project I just feel like “what’s the point?” or “I’ll never finish in time” and after having a conversation with some people I feel so negative in fact I feel like nobody cares that I’m posting this right now (no pun intended). Â I joined this site in hopes of trying to get better because I don’t really come to people about […]
I feel immense anxiety when thinking about the New Year and school because it feels like time is going by so fast and I’m being left behind  like I’m repeating  a constant cycle and I keep telling myself I have to get better quickly and I’m starting to feel worn out physically I’ve had horrible headaches and nausea which I couldn’t really sleep through this week, but I feel like if I have to get better it shouldn’t feel for those reasons, I don’t know I’ve been thinking too much I feel like I need someone to talk to because I’m starting to feel like […]
Last September I knew something was wrong so I took a break from activities to focus on myself and that I’d be fine soon but now that it’s been a year I feel disappointed because I’m still depressed and I’m repeating the same cycle I went through months ago.Since today is New Years there’s a lot of resolutions being made I found myself making goals last month that I’d be cured by January but when it doesn’t happen you feel disappointed, from this experience I’ve learned that depression can’t just go away and that having high expectations can disappoint you when they fail.
I woke up a little earlier than normal today considering how late I went to sleep last night, I didn’t feel angry or frustrated today but I definitely felt how normally do during school which is like I won’t be able to think or work on anything because I’ve got so much going through my mind like a storm of nerves. I feel that every person with depression(maybe not all) can relate to the shame and the loneliness it brings, for me I’ve been wanting to be understood more than anything. I’ve felt very small and impressionable because I hear things like you should do […]
I wonder if someday I’ll get the courage to say I have depression instead of hiding it. I guess I’m just ashamed of it and afraid of the judgement I’ll get, Â has anybody here been open?. It feels like leading a double life almost by hiding this part of myself; faking smiles and all
Right now it’s nearly four in the morning and this is my 7th night sleeping late this week because of my insomnia . I’ve been really frustrated and angry these past few days and I usually don’t feel this way I’ve realized that it’s because I’ve been thinking a lot lately, with the new year approaching I feel very upset because a year has passed and my depression has gotten worse , last year I took time off from activities because I felt like there was something wrong and that the activities were no longer enjoyable so I wanted to take a break to focus […]
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts today and they’ve been over-whelming to the point where I couldn’t do anything because it felt like there was no point to doing anything because I was so frustrated and angry so I spent my whole day in bed.
I remember back in September when I had suicidal thoughts, there was a day where I had no lab partner in Biology and I told the teacher and she paired me up with a boy in my class who also didn’t have a partner when we finished with our experiment he said “by the way from now on you’re my lab partner” […]
I tried to be productive today but I failed. I had planned to do things like be creative and make a moodboard and draw but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, whenever I tried I just felt the frustration of failing I really can’t explain it. I haven’t really done anything productive in a while the last time I did I wasn’t really passionate about it like I’d like to be. The reason I wanted to be productive today was because I’m on break and have no school so I thought it would be a good idea to do something I enjoy but […]
My mind is a lot more clear so I’ll try saying what I have to say again.Christmas being here reminds me that I have spent a year having depression. , I’ve been looking at a lot of people that I find inspirational and thinking wow they look so put together,love themselves, know what they want, etc. and I’ve been feeling that if I had believed in myself and had never became depressed in the first place that I would be better off but I realize now after thinking that I wouldn’t really be all that better off because before I became depressed I was an […]
Merry Christmas
Christmas being here reminds me that a year has already passed and I’ve now spent a year with depression. I I had something I wanted to express in this post today but I can’t because I broke down emotionally and my mind is too blank maybe I’ll try again later..
I’ve been thinking about posting this since early this morning because I feel like I never got the chance to express myself in my post last night ,whenever I’m writing these posts I always criticize myself  and never fully release what I want to while writing them.
I’ve been struggling to keep it together lately compared to last year around this time. I let people stomp all over me and control me and I just let it happen I guess because of my own negative thoughts about myself,but lately I can’t keep up with the expectations people have of me because I seem so put together […]
I went to school today extremely tired because I stayed up trying to get a project done and this after staying up really late and sleeping until noon. I haven’t started my homework yet because I can’t keep focused enough to do it  so I’ve decided to write and get some things off my chest.
I’ve been feeling suicidal lately and I guess I could say the worst I’ve ever felt and I haven’t really been doing much about it but these days because things are getting bad I secretly long to talk to someone but I guess I’m afraid to because I Â don’t really talk to […]
I find it really hard to let go and say what I want on this site I guess because I don’t do it at all and if I do it’s once in a blue moon but right now my thoughts are racing and I want to speak freely.
This week hasn’t been to great for me and I’m feeling indifferent about it, I haven’t been able to focus on my work and have been getting very little sleep I guess it’s because last year around Christmas is when my depression was worse than normal. I was reflecting  to last year when I got depression, I remember […]
*WARNING I talk a little bit about religion in this post, now I’m not trying to preach the gospel or telling anyone to convert, I’m just talking about my experience*
My last post I mentioned that a pastor wanted to see me because he noticed a sadness in me keep in mind I have not told anybody about my depression, now I’ve already seen him twice he wanted to focus on  getting me out of my shell I know he means well but when I went there I didn’t feel comfortable. Every time I met with him I felt like I wasn’t going there for me […]