*WARNING I talk a little bit about religion in this post, now I’m not trying to preach the gospel or telling anyone to convert, I’m just talking about my experience*
My last post I mentioned that a pastor wanted to see me because he noticed a sadness in me keep in mind I have not told anybody about my depression, now I’ve already seen him twice he wanted to focus on  getting me out of my shell I know he means well but when I went there I didn’t feel comfortable. Every time I met with him I felt like I wasn’t going there for me it felt like I was going there for them (my mom,the pastor, and his wife) and it made me feel ashamed of my depression then I already am which I didn’t think was possible.
Before I realized I had depression I thought I just lacked motivation so I was doing everything I could possibly think of to get rid of these feelings, I remember writing letters to God and continuously  in hopes of  my situation getting better but nothing worked.  Now that it’s December, I’ve done some reflecting and I’ve spent a year depressed from last fall to now. I’m having suicidal thoughts again. Everything feels dull and empty
1 comment
Hello Hopefuldreamer,
Sorry I don’t know your story…but the first thing that occurred to me is…would there be a possibility that I’m not the only one that suffers from SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder. I dunno…I have suffered with depression my whole life…but Fall thru Spring…ayiii The second thing that occurred to me….perhaps a spiritual crisis? Do you know the symptoms? I guess it seems possible because of your family’s beliefs…and the fact that you are not so comfortable? I dunno…like I said…I don’t know your story.
Here if you want to talk
Amakua