I was watching this movie called My S.O. Has Got Depression about a Man who gets depression and struggles to deal with it and how it affects his relationship with his wife. What I liked about this movie was how it well it depicted depression but for me what really made it hit home was Tsure’s (main  character) feelings of uselessness and how some of the people around him wouldn’t understand his depression and would approach him with a “you need to toughen up” approach to things. After watching the movie I read an interview about Tenten Hosokawa the author who wrote the book that […]
I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to read my posts and was nice enough to comment with advice it really means a lot to me because I feel like what I say matters. I’ve had something that has been bothering me for the past few days that I need to let out. I’ve been frustrated with my situation lately because I’m just upset that the kids my age are enjoying themselves and I’m being tortured by my thoughts, I don’t mean to complain but I’ve watched a year go by like this and it just makes me feel so alone in my […]
I’m writing more because I feel I didn’t express myself enough yesterday. In the beginning of ninth grade year I went to a performing arts school,I applied because I always wanted to follow my dreams of becoming a musician and to me applying to this school was my of feeling like somebody after being bullying made me feel inferior. Once I got there the people I saw were talented and confident and I just lost hope after that and classes weren’t as enjoyable because I kept thinking so negatively so I decided that I would drop the program to work on my skills and come […]
I haven’t fully accepted my depression, sometimes I’m like “maybe I’m just upset about this or this” or “I just need to do more”, but I think the reason can’t accept it is because to me depression feels like being left behind while everyone else is moving on as silly as that may sound. I feel like more awful than usual, I’m not sure if it has to do with the weather getting colder or the unexpected days off from school but I’ve spent most of my days sleeping curled up in a blanket ,awake with insomnia at night ,and eating a lot of junk […]
Hurricane Sandy passed through last night on the east coast where I live and for once I felt calm because everybody was stuck inside,cuddled in there blankets, and just had to wait there for it to pass. I know that sounds a bit sadistic but it’s like for that one night, people sort of felt how I do, anybody else felt like I do?
Yesterday I was taking  a walk to clear my thoughts, it was very windy and I noticed that there was more leaves on the ground and nearly all the trees had changed color and it hit me that time was passing by and I felt like I was spending my time wisely, as I kept walking  I noticed the streets felt emptier than they usually are and it was the strangest feeling but I felt like the only person on Earth, then I had an epiphany that I wasn’t getting anywhere in my efforts of trying to get better and that everyday I repeat the […]
I’ve decided to put off my suicide plans for now for two reasons, the first because of a boy I like which I guess is silly,the second is my mom found my notes and that threw off any upcoming plans.
Living with depression is very hard for me, I’ve tried to understand it but you just can’t it’s unpredictable, sometimes I’m randomly crying and and sometimes I’m crying because work feels over whelming and then there’s the days I spend most of my time sleeping or surfing the internet , and any kind of relationship I had with people is ruined because  I tend to isolate […]
Saturday night I went to the homecoming dance I decided to go because I thought that it’d be nice to go out since I’d spent the whole day doing nothing but sleeping, once I got there I felt out of place because I showed up alone and just greeted people  I started dancing by myself trying to make it a good night and there was times where I caught myself feeling sad and sat down because I just didn’t feel like being up there  and had no interest but I did dance most of the time and even requested a few songs so I can […]
Note: If I seem like I’m holding back it’s because I’m a little paranoid because my mom found the notes I hid on my laptop 2 days ago
One year to 11 months ago I started feeling empty inside  it was kind out of nowhere, when I started school (i had just started high school) I was in a performing arts program and took dance during the weeks and after a while into the school year( not so far in late September) I decided to quit and drop everything because it was getting overwhelming and I was losing interest in it even though I enjoyed these things […]
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