Infektious

Fuck..

2am self destruct sequence initiated

there isn’t much to do

nothing to see

Hating myself for everything that I couldn’t do

No one likes feeling weak

Every night I stay awake pulling my brain and sanity apart just to make sense of this

but NOTHING gets better nothing helps except writing stupid little poetic try-hards on a site of suicidal people because no one else wants to hear this shit not even me.

Bye.

And thanks for listening.

Sometimes I wish someone would care enough to just sit down with me and let me cry without turning it into a chance to make me feel guilty for not being able to stay happy..It’s not like I haven’t tried and they knew what they were getting into…I just want a few seconds where I’m allowed to be selfish for once instead of having to be the one to help everyone else…Is this too much to ask for? Just once in a while..

Does anyone else feel happy for a couple of days then just sit down, look at a wall and think “I’m not ok anymore..” then just get really tired?

I feel like I’m waiting but I’m not sure what I’m waiting for.

I really hate it when for no reason my mind reaches into my memories and grabs hold of everything that I work really hard to move past and then wraps them around each and every current thought…

i just want one person to tell me im worth trying to save

So no matter what happens, who I’m with, what they say or anything at all…I always feel alone and unwanted. the tiniest comment, even a look and I think I should leave and go back to just living in my head..sometimes it feel like I want to crawl into those thoughts again like a small child crawling into and cuddling close inside their favourite blanket and no matter what happens, I ALWAYS want to be there…even when I’m happy. for however short it lasts.

I trusted you. I believed you when you said I was good enough… and I learnt my lesson.

Things in my life are better than they’ve ever been. I can smile now. I like colours. But I still need to drink. I still feel insane with crazy thoughts, voices telling me how easy it is to die. I look around and see more ways of hurting myself. but I won’t do it, I know I won’t, so why do I still think about it? Why do I cling to the things that hurt me over and over, they’re familiar, yes, I’m good at hurting. Its my strength. I just answered my question a little lol…but how come I crave this one strength when […]

I don’t know how I ended up here. Im drunk. like I always am at night. I think I’ve been on this site before but I dont remember… I need to hurt. To get it out. I used to cut myself every hour exactly it wouldnt work if it was any later than that so I’d end up cutting enough to make up for lost time but I can’t now, I met someone. No. I love someone. He saved me from the worst but he can’t save me when he’s not here so I do the most damage without actually cutting anymore cos I promised […]