Sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I’m writing this on my phone.
Hey guys! How’s it been going? It’s Lucy! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it ( Holy hell it’s been since September :O )? I wonder how many of you actually remember me 😛 So I’ve got some catching up to do.
First of all the reason why I’ve been absent from this site for so long is because I’ve been going to a therapist and she tells me to remove myself from the negative influences around me. I was a bit pissed in the beginning but it made sense. I deleted […]
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]
I don’t know how much longer I can live.
I’ll give you all a final update when I end it.
All I can say is thank you to everyone on this site for an amazing experience.
Note to self:
While going crazy, Pink Floyd is the perfect background music.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, Lucy, you’re not actually going to try to end it again, are you?!” Well, the answer, my dear friends… is no. I’m not going to try to kill myself again. Not for a little while, anyway. I mean, I doubt I’m going to live to see 2015, but that’s still a ways off, so I’m still here.
Basically, I just wanted to make this post just to tell everyone one last time how I’m doing. I know it’s been a while since I made an update, so a lot’s happened, but… here goes.
Shortly after I made my post “My […]
Life’s just one great big illusion.
People telling you how to live your life, how to look, how to act, how to feel.
But screw all that.
We’re all the same.
Even if you’re always getting the short end of the stick and the asshole next to you’s rich.
Just remember that it’s all some big illusion, you’re the one who’s the better person.
Music qoute of the day: “America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition, get yourself a brand new motor car. Someday soon we’ll stop to ponder what on earth’s this spell were under, we made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are.” – […]
Thought I’d share one of my favorite songs (and artists) with you all. It’s called “Hollow Man”, and it’s by “iamsleepless” (which describes my entire life). Enjoy!
Music quote of the day: “How I wish, how I wish you were here. We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year, running over the same old ground, and how we found the same old fears… Wish you were here.” – Pink Floyd, “Wish You Were Here”
Well, the way I see it, at this point in my life the depression has the biggest chance of winning… But I’ll be damned if I’ll sit by and let it take me down without a fight.
I know my chances of surviving until the next year are very slim. I’ve accepted that. Death does not haunt me, but neither does it call my name as intently as it did several days ago.
After reading over everyone’s encouragement and advice, I’ve made up my mind. I can either succumb to the darkness right now or I can try as hard as I can to escape it. Granted, […]
I can’t take this hospital. I’ve tried to hold it together, I’ve tried to be strong, for you guys and for my sister, but I don’t know if I can anymore. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve had a complete 180 turn since I was admitted 2 days ago. I feel like there isn’t hope anymore. I just can’t live with my past… it’s too horrible. The only reason why I’m wondering if I shouldn’t is because I don’t know how my sister would react. I think she’d blame herself, and I don’t want that. I just want her […]
Two days ago, I was in the worst spot of my life. I tried to kill myself. Today, I’m in a hospital and being called a hero, strong, and inspiring. I don’t deserve it and I don’t know why. But I guess it feels nice to be loved for once.
Well, I saw a psychiatrist today. It was pretty much useless. I went in for an hour and a half, and in the end he diagnosed me with depression. Thanks, totally didn’t know that already. Glad it’s costing a couple hundred dollars to see someone who’s telling me shit I already know.
The depression’s starting to come […]
I’m alive.
And I’m free.
I’ve never been more free in my life.
It feels so good.
I suppose I should explain what happened when I stopped posting yesterday. Basically, the pills were making me really tired and weak. I was dying, basically. It was getting really hard to type, because the simple movements were taking all of my energy. So, I said goodbye to all of you, and I fell asleep. I’m pretty sure it was closer to dying rather then sleeping, but I didn’t know at the time; I was too weak. Anyway, I never moved my laptop from on top of me, because the movement […]
I’ve decided it. I’m going to die. I have a bottle of pills right here beside me. I just wanted to let somebody know. So that I wouldn’t be alone. Not more than I already am, anyway. I thought about posting on Facebook, but I wouldn’t want the two people who would actually see it to worry.
I suppose while I’m at it I might as well tell my story. Don’t worry, it won’t take very long. I’m 16 years old and female. My name is Lucy. I was born on April 18, 1998. To think at that moment in time I had no problems in life. […]