Itscolourlife

Today my sis told me
If you want to die dont eat that pills, drink rat poison, you are gonna die 100%
My sis is a doctor so I believe its true
Thank you for telling me another choice

I guess I should set the date asap
Mom always call me satan child
Dad always look at me like im a failure
Sis always jealous of me and telling me in the problem

So far mom and sis are agree with the idea of me death
Mom told me “if you wanna die go to the train”
Sis told me “if you wanna die drink rat poison”

Meet me in the future
Then maybe our fate will change
Ill be happy fluffy ball that only look at you
Youll be caring sunshine that only look at me

Then
We can be one
Like we are wished to be

I understand that no one
No one can help me
At the end they surrendered
Left me

It is me
Myself
Who can help me
But I cant afford to

So here I am
Drown in my thoughts
Die in my dreams
My mind always playing with me

Maybe this will be my second/last attempt..
I will kill myself on my birthday

If I dont go back here than..

Goodbye and Thank you
To someone that I dont know that read and comment on my post

I will leave my username and pass behind
So my fam and friends can read this suicide diary

Everything that happened to me
Everything I regret and cherish

Its funny how I still think about donate my organs when I die..
I mean the one who want to live should get a chance..
Not like me.. dont wanna to live anymore..

Sometimes I think about
Being an opposite gender
Or I want to love same gender
It will be less hurtfull I think

Dont feel sorry for me
Im already tainted and crooked
Dont feel sorry for me
Cause I finally choose what I want
Dont feel sorry for me
Cause i already feel all the sorry from myself
Dont feel sorry for me
We are not meant to be
Dont feel sorry for me
Dont feel sorry
Dont feel
Dont

In another life i wish i wasnt me
In another life i wish i live happily

You want to be loved but dont blink an eye about me
I guess I choose the bad guy again
What makes me feel alive is that i feel pain
But when the pain is too much i cant bear it anymore
You are like a drug to me
A place to escape from my crooked mind
And when the times end
Im back again to my state
Depressed
I always thought i was cured
But thats so stupid
It never happened
My mind gulping me down inside
Once again im blind
I give you all i have, its not much but its the last […]

31-12-2019
I already write my suicide note, suicide voice note, amd everything i need to pass down to people around me.
I drink around 20 pills with water around 11 pm. At first its feels okay. Then my head start spinning, then i my stomach hurts like hell, then I vomit around 5 times.. And its already 5 am..
I keep pondering should i tell my parents or not cause it hurts like hell. Then around 7 am I tell my mom..
We go to ICU and the doctor give me some meds. But it still hurts like hell. What I heard is my mom […]

Anyone do this too?

I cut my wrist and lick it
It tastes weird like iron with tomato
I think..
It makes me calm
So I suck and drink my own blood more

I realize
The fire of hatred to other people goes out easily
But why
The fire of hatred to myself keep spreading inside my body
Just sad

I know i need to love myself more
Yet i keep find things to hate myself more

Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
ing

Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
Forget me
n

I drag you down..

I shouldnt tell you my story
I shouldnt make you fall in love with me

I regret everything..

The monster keep wanting you besides me
The monster keep wanting you to love me

I should let you go before..

I can see what happen next
Its not a good thing its not

This cant be undone..

I hate you
I hate myself

I hate..