Author

JiminyCrispies

Self Destruction

by JiminyCrispies 3/28/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Despite already having a post typed out for today, I’ve decided to change it and write this instead. Because I just realised several minutes ago just how little my mum cares.

I’ve been an emotional mess all day for no apparent reason, so I refused to step foot outside my room until 3 in the afternoon. Before that, no one bothered to come into my room to check on me. But we’re ignoring all that as I’m fast forwarding to not too long ago.

Recently, there has been a girl coming in my room at night. Her name is Bree, and she’s around my age. Every night […]

3/28/2016 15 comments

I’m Scared

by JiminyCrispies 3/26/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Just when my head started to get quieter for the first time today (the voices have been constant), my stepdad came home with his friend after drinking for a couple hours. When they got here, my mum left to go out. Two hours ago my aunt and uncle and their kids came round. So now the house is full of four screaming kids and drunk adults. My anxiety is horrible, the voices are horrible, the figures are horrible. I’ve been crying upstairs for the last hour. I need to get away from everyone. They all keep opening the front door. They’re going to let the […]

3/26/2016 10 comments

Kind of an Update Thing?

by JiminyCrispies 3/25/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Before I start my post, I’m apologising for the lack of replies to the comments on my last post. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind the other day, so I thought it was best to not reply at that time.
The last two days have been particularly awful. My moods have been so irregular I’ve had to leave rooms because everyone is utterly pissed at the lack of stability. And the voices are so frequent I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t cope with the constant noise.

The figures aren’t much better. I see things everywhere now; I can’t look […]

3/25/2016 0 comment

by JiminyCrispies 3/23/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I’m 97.3% sure my mum looked through my therapy diary. I’ve had to start writing about the voices until I next see my therapist, so I’ve been keeping it away from everyone. I specifically told her not to look in it and that’s it’s between me and my therapist.

However, she’s been acting weird around me today and out of the blue asks about the voices and if I’ve hurt myself again (I mentioned I did in the diary thing). The worst thing she could’ve done was look in it, because, although very brief descriptions, it has a basic summary of what they say. And they […]

3/23/2016 5 comments

Can’t Cope

by JiminyCrispies 3/20/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.

I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.

I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat […]

3/20/2016 8 comments

Asshole of a Stepdad

by JiminyCrispies 3/18/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

My stepdad is an asshole. I saw my therapist today, and she said to try different things to distract myself from the voices and such because they’ve been bad lately, so I thought I’d attempt to watch TV for an hour or so with my mum and stepdad. It is something I regret even thinking of, and it has made everything so much more worse.

Despite sitting basically mute, with the one off offer of a cup of tea, my stepdad yelled at me within 45 minutes. My dogs had just been outside for the sixth time in the space of 15 minutes, and I was […]

3/18/2016 10 comments

Allergies, College & Stuff

by JiminyCrispies 3/14/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I think I’m allergic to the softer or something my mum used to wash the clothes the other day. I’ve had rashes for 3 days that itch constantly, and I’m cutting myself with my nails scratching. Oh well. It distracts me at times. I get so preoccupied with stopping the itches that I don’t think about what’s going on. I can deal with the stinging and itching if it means forgetting everything for a short while. I guess I just have something else to add to my allergies.

I left college early again today. I stayed for 2 hours until lunch, and then went home. It’s […]

3/14/2016 1 comment

Distracting

by JiminyCrispies 3/12/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I’m sick of being alone. I have no one who I can trust. No one understands what’s going happening. They don’t understand the Angels. They don’t understand that they need me. I need to see my doctor. I need him to tell me what to do. I’m alone and I’m scared.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on here. I suppose it’s to distract myself. Maybe. I’ve been left alone downstairs. The figures keep moving in the doorway, and it’s annoying me. I’m was trying to distract myself with a film – but they’re distracting me from the film.

I can feel myself starting to […]

3/12/2016 4 comments

It’s All Real

by JiminyCrispies 3/11/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

The Early Intervention team called my therapist to say they’re not bothering with me again. She said they told her I’m not psychotic. I could’ve told her that.

If it were psychosis then this wouldn’t be real. The voices wouldn’t be real, the Angels wouldn’t be real, the others wouldn’t be real, the demons and shadow people wouldn’t be real. But they are real.

They said it might just be down to my depression and anxiety. Okay. They can say that, but it’s not. They’re just real, and that’s not down to anything.

I see my therapist next Friday now, so I’ll tell her it was a waste […]

3/11/2016 4 comments

Giving Up

by JiminyCrispies 3/4/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I can’t live like this anymore. Is it even living? It’s not even surviving. I’m barely existing. My depression is getting worse again. It was just starting to get somewhat better.

My moods are fluctuating terribly, but there’s been some sort of ‘okay’ in there for a couple weeks. Now it’s all just came down so hard and fast over the last few days. It’s making everything else spiral out of control.

All of the voices are constant, including the Angels. The figures are everywhere. I can’t eat. I barely sleep. I don’t want to leave the house. My suicidal thoughts are overwhelming, and I […]

3/4/2016 11 comments

New Drawing

by JiminyCrispies 3/2/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

The lighting is noticeably awful and I couldn’t get a good angle so it makes my shading and tones patchy when they’re not, but I finally finished working into this piece for college (there’s shadows over the drawing, but we’re pretending they’re not there now).

Everything’s getting worse slowly, so it didn’t turn it as well as it was supposed to, but I can live with it.

Originally I had typed up about my horrible day, but I decided against posting it. So instead, […]

3/2/2016 17 comments

Back To College

by JiminyCrispies 3/1/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I had to go to college today. I was in from 1 to 5. It was the same lesson for the entire four hours, so it wasn’t as stressful as when classes switch. I was stuck on a table with the whole class (it’s small, only 10 of us and all girls), so my anxiety and paranoia was almost unbearable.

After meeting with my personal tutor yesterday, I’m allowed to leave lessons whenever I need to for as long as I need to. I wanted to every minute of class, but my anxiety stopped me and so did the fact that I knew I would just […]

3/1/2016 5 comments

Tired

by JiminyCrispies 2/29/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I didn’t sleep last night. It turns out, I spent the night writing. I don’t remember doing it. But I wrote a lot, and what I wrote somewhat makes sense, but I’m not so sure if it would to others. No one else seems to have my thinking pattern. At least, I think it’s mine. I’m not so sure. Basically, I’m confused as hell this morning. I’m shaking and ill, everything is blurring and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I overdosed. I found chunks of hair in my bed. I remember ‘waking up’ (except i wasn’t. Sort of like waking up from a day […]

2/29/2016 7 comments

College Tomorrow

by JiminyCrispies 2/28/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

The panic has started to set in again as my mum has repeatedly mentioned that I have to go back to college tomorrow.

Despite threatening to not even go into the building, she’s still insistent that I go. She warned me about if my personal tutor rings her again if I’m not in. I can’t go in. The Others are still there. They’re in my class, and I’ll die if I go in. I’ve ran out of excuses to stay off.

I’ve had multiple panic attacks this weekend just thinking about going in. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need to get out of […]

2/28/2016 3 comments

Deadpool

by JiminyCrispies 2/27/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I think this photo will be the wrong way around when it posts, but oh well.

I finally went to see Deadpool yesterday, so of course I had to draw him. I don’t really like the way this turned out, but I decided to post it anyway since no one else will look at it. So, despite not leaving my room until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, I still had a productive day.

2/27/2016 40 comments

Batman vs Superman

by JiminyCrispies 2/25/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Despite the fact that I’m unwell at the moment, I was somewhat productive today. I am ridiculously excited for Batman vs Superman, and so I decided to use art as a distraction today by spending a few hours on this (this is the first piece I’ve done and put effort into since Christmas, so my blending is iffy. Blah).

My camera quality is awful and the lighting made it difficult to get an okay photo of it, but oh well.

2/25/2016 23 comments

Accusations

by JiminyCrispies 2/23/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

My mum is accusing me of making everything up. This isn’t the first time. She used to say this about my depression. Then my anxiety. Then when I first started hearing and seeing things. And now again. I told her weeks ago when she found out about the Angels that I haven’t told anyone because not only do I not know if they’re Others, but I was scared no one would believe me. And now she says this. Apparently it’s too much for her to handle and she wants to walk out on me. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to almost hate […]

2/23/2016 4 comments

Avoiding College

by JiminyCrispies 2/21/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I have college tomorrow. I can’t go. I need to figure out a way to stay off. My mum will most likely yell and still send me in. Still, I need to try. The hard part is thinking of a way to put his into words. Most of the time I point blank refuse to leave my room without an explanation until 3/4 hours later. I doubt I’ll be able to do that this time round.

The voices and Angels have been bad all day, and the shadow people have been constant. I managed to get through last night with minimal injuries, so I haven’t mentioned […]

2/21/2016 15 comments

I Don’t Know

by JiminyCrispies 2/20/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I was supposed to go out today. I broke down 10 minutes before we left due to the arguing downstairs which made the voices unbearable. I’m going out tomorrow morning now. I’m terrified. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to leave the house. I couldn’t leave my room until mid-afternoon today because there was a man in the hallway waiting for me.

My mum yelled at me because I’m hearing the voices and Angels. She yelled because I’m seeing things. And she still wonders why I don’t speak to her. She makes me feel awful for having this going on. I feel guilty […]

2/20/2016 12 comments

A Thousand Sleepless Nights

by JiminyCrispies 2/19/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.

The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.

My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even […]

2/19/2016 4 comments

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