Author

kupo95

Death would be nice

by kupo95 3/21/2016

written by kupo95

I know this for many years but I constantly forget it. When I was 16 I wrote a poem about wearing a perfect mask being perfect on the out side as I died inside.

And I forgot that all I am is a doll for famliy do what they want when they want it. My husband I am toy for I enjoyment that’s all ,my in-laws A robot.

I should be dead the amout of Close calls should have left me dead .

But I realized a long time ago I am worthless shell who has to be dead inside to make everyone happy. Cry myself to sleep […]

3/21/2016 0 comment

Today was scary Realised there is acutely people on here that might not be here tomorrow.that is scary and I don’t know I din’t understand that earlier. To wiskered-fish I was terrified that she might be gone today so young and so tortured and lost along with everybody in this world SP including myslef.

before loging on to Sp today I been feel extremely low and suicidal the most I have years . yesterday I honstly thought I should have cut deeper and left scars showed them all how fucked up I am I should have tried to kill myslef months ago. I should have cut so […]

3/19/2016 7 comments

I wish i could just die

by kupo95 3/17/2016

written by kupo95

i want to die I am completely useless and worthless I can’t do shit like my mother in laws says im shit junk dumb im shit im shit . i hope i die. Worthlessness worthless worthless worthless

3/17/2016 1 comment

Im not the only one lying to my freinds and family

by kupo95 3/15/2016

written by kupo95

My ” friend ” a girl I have knowen my entier life is depressed and suicidal. She recently told me she always angry and anxious, she can’t sleep or eat.

She is a normal person but when she told me while she was crossing the street she wished a car turning would hit her so she can die. I wanted to blurt out welcome to the club, but instead I said “thats to Serious calm down all you did was go get coffe.”

Those words felt like Poissonin my mouth I’ve been in her shoes, I am in her shoes.

But I know she is just lost […]

3/15/2016 2 comments

Happy about that

by kupo95 3/10/2016

written by kupo95

The only thing that ever made me happy about my race or my culture.Is the fact I come from a long line of cons and thieves. In normal perspective that is a horrible trait to be proud of.

But on this site about dead end jobs shity shcool system’s. Makes me a lilttle happy that because of my family life style if i wake up and hustle my ass off and hopefully meet someone. the owner of some billion dollor whatever or heiress of something and just talk and get what i want out of them ill be set no one can tell me shit . not […]

3/10/2016 0 comment

Ok the 20 hours wernt bad

by kupo95 3/8/2016

written by kupo95

So sunday after church. I had a nervous breack down .why a nervous break down well ill tell you.

A family freind tells me wonderful thing she spoke to my mom and mom book a trip for my bros and wifes to Europe great beautiful.

But my brother’s wife is still not home. I blame myself for there separation. And the trip made me feel wores because the last time we left the states it was so my older brother won’t get his es wife back.

So in my head this is a repeate of blame. My mom blames me for my older brother marriage. But whatever he […]

3/8/2016 0 comment

by kupo95 3/6/2016

written by kupo95

So here i am in church and the only thing i want to do is leave and and cut myself he is talking about depression. So its not like i cant.Relate but i cant breath and i want ro leave i understand what the pastor is saying.but i cant. All he talking about is suicide and o get god you you dont like it i want do it. Dont give up in your convince and hope and you will be rewarded. Ok i get but damn. I cant breath and I want to leave .

3/6/2016 2 comments

Confused

by kupo95 3/4/2016

written by kupo95

Sorry for the long whiney post I probably just sounds spoiled

So im now in my husbands aunt and uncles house.laying down and his first cousins bed her room is cute. What would have given to have a room like this while home . i had my own room but it was always undone. and when I was 15 my older cousin took my ipod radio and I didn’t have a TV the time so always in the dark like it like that. I actually got a TV when I was 18 it was a few months before I got married. And i used to stay […]

3/4/2016 0 comment

Today ans last night was weird

by kupo95 2/29/2016

written by kupo95

So yesterday was the most stress full day ever wondering or not is going to drag me out of my husband grandparents house so go news he didn’t.so that leaves me with scary unsurance what is going to happen and I don’t know.

so what kind end of happenig was my husband and I I end up watching a documentary about 11 which means anxious depressedso when the movie ended.he took of the computer awayw and he kept on asking me what was wrong physically wouldn’t answer like a really with all my strength not. Able open my mouth and tell […]

2/29/2016 2 comments

He made a mistake marring me i not worth it

by kupo95 2/27/2016

written by kupo95

Oknso i am so afaid for tomorrow it’s not normal. My father is probaly gonna come and drag me out of my husbands grandparents house. And. One out of two things are gonna happen .

1. My marriage will break
2. Or i lose all contact with my family
So i dont know how im gonna make threw the night.
And on top of that my brother is getting a divorice and its all my fault.

Why is it my fault because when I first came to fl my parents did not want me here and threaten to drag me put of my inlaws house were i […]

2/27/2016 3 comments

I am a wrothless and one you get rid of

by kupo95 2/26/2016

written by kupo95

So this basically what’s been going on in my life for the past 3 years I’m married no kids and I have a husband that does love me.in my culture get married very young I got married at 18 and that involves living with your in until it’s time for you to move out and live on your own.after a year and a half of marriage I was feeling pretty good I wasn’t feeling completely worthless and I haven’t cut in almost a yearPoint.right after 2nd year mark life went to shit .financially I was very unstable which is a very big problem my mother […]

2/26/2016 2 comments

Pennys

by kupo95 2/25/2016

written by kupo95

My husband hid the razor blades from me so I went and took a Lighter and put the edge to the flame then to my outer thigh i find i like this method better then cutting it leaves no real mark just a red spot that hurts when i touch it. I like the pain its what i deserve . i like the cutting too i left no scars but i liked the blood now i Like the pain.

2/25/2016 3 comments

When your not ment

by kupo95 2/24/2016

written by kupo95

I have to be always remined that I am just not ment to be happy or have a voice others like my parents and husband try to tell me thats not true but learn that that a I cant have happiness.

2/24/2016 2 comments

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