I gave my friend my tablet so he could text his girl & Instead of going to the messages he went to messeger.I looked as soon as he gave It to me & saw that It was on a conversation with an ex.When you click on It the first thing you see Is messages of her trying to stop me the day I attempted.Re-reading what I said that day Is shocking.It happened this year so If he looked at the date he must think I’m a nut.I’m so deleteding ALL my messages.I’m just In shock.
Life’s still horrible.
I did It two years ago.I went two days without eating,only drinking.Its better than cutting.
What did I do??Why am I considered a bad person to my family??Something goes missing,Carlos did It.If something happens around the house Its my fault.If I loose something nobody gives a shit.Just when I thought I was getting better my own family Is pushing me.I’m surprised I haven’t killed myself yet.Right now I just need a shoulder & someone to tell that Its gonna be okay.
I bought what I now know was a cheap tongue piercing a month ago.Earlier I was at a friends house & the plastic on my piercing came off but I didn’t know.I was drinking water & felt It going down my throat. I drank a lot water to swallow It but I couldnt.I tried to throw it up but I couldn’t.I felt my breathing & heart beat start to slow down.I started to get terrifed,I was seconds away from telling my friend to take me to the hospital but I didn’t wanna seem like a *****.Plus he didn’t have a ride.I was sitting there scared […]
I don’t get high cause I like to,I don’t even like the tatse of swisher sweets.I get high to get threw the day.I rarely cut anymore but now that’s all I wanna do.Cutting when high Is like a high to a high.Without either one & someone not there Its like whats the point??I am by no means a strong person.I need an escape.Maybe I needa go home??
If I kill myself I feel like I still don’t win.People are still gonna talk about me like did Carlos really kill himself??What a *****,what a wuss.& my brother??He’s gonna talk non-stop shit about me.I don’t know why he hates me.I don’t love him cause he’s my brother,I just him love & It hurts my heart to know he hates me.To everyone I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.I’m sorry I suck at everything I do.
My friend Is coming home someday next week!!!He was suppose to do 2-10 years but he’s coming next week!!!I don’t know why,really I don’t care why!! (I haven’t talked to him or visited him just to be on the safe side)
I don’t know If he’s gonna come back with my phone but I don’t care!!Well that Is the second time the laws kept my phone but owell Its just a phone,my friend Is coming!!I wonder If he has any resentment towards me??
I wonder how they react when they see my thighs.My old bestfriend cried when she seen them.I think that’s the last time I talked to her:/
It started three weeks ago when I saw my cousin.I never understood why my ex would have panic attacks until I myself I had one that day.I just started breathing uncontrollably & I started hiding my face everytime I was around I was just trying to get as far away from him as possible.Anyways I cut that night.I started hiding my cuts & I was home alone so I took the armband off.The door bell rings & It’s my friend.I go outside & I see his eyes lock down looking down & In my head I’m like what’s he looking at so hard then I […]
I was wearing a Houston Texans wirstband to cover my ex’s name.My cousins are coming over so now I’m wearing the wristband on my arm to cover the cuts.The other day I kinda went all out cutting so I’m glad this wristband Is big cause the area where I cut Is pretty big.No lie It feels good.
My first time cutting since March.I just feel like the weight of the world Is on my shoulders.I can’t think straight.I feel like I’m loosing my mind.I feel guilty.I got off way to easy.I just wanna go home.
12+ years!!By that time Ima have a family & everything!!My closest friend Is getting locked up for 12+years!!I’m not really sure how long cause he hasen’t gone to court or anything but the thing he did Is already 12+years & he hasen’t even been convicted yet!!I used to kick It with him everyday!!About a month ago I finally told a friend that I got molested when I was younger,that friend was him!!He wanted to whoop my cousin but I told him na you don’t got to lift a finger,It happened.All’s you can do Is move on.Not even a week before he got locked up I […]
Last week I went to the city jail for traffics that I thought somehow vanished.I was pissed cause I was acting all cocky when they pulled up.I was like why are y’all here were not doing anything here.They asked for my name,I gave It to them In anger,a minute later I’m being handcuffed & they told me I had nine traffic ticket warrents.I was In a shitty mode cause I was finally getting better & this shit happens so Is felt like shit on the way there.When I get there they started to search me and then he put his hands there!!I moved & said […]
As you can see I’m still here.I’m doing worser than I was the last time I came on.On the bright side right now when I was trying to get the razor outta the shave thingy I cut the shit out of my thumb!!Talk about bleeding,not In the mode to cut anymore.Does anyone even care??Is anyone even reading this??If SP had followers would I even have edleast five followers??Nope.I “never” have nothing Important to say.Who the fuck Is Carlos??Am I the only one who says there name on here??See what I mean,nothing Important.Dude I’m just another face feeding these uglys out here,why you think I’m up […]