Author

lonelyinside

I am just a girl trying to fix myself while dealing with my failure of a life.

Two Years Later

by lonelyinside 10/23/2015

written by lonelyinside

Holy shit. i never thought that i would still be alive today. Things were so bad back then.

Having your first real boyfriend, whom to this day you both still have some kind of connection, rip your heart to shreds was enough to send me back into my depression. I was very close to ending it my junior year of high school. Then i went to a new school program and met people and got into some things i shouldnt have, but it gave me a reason to stay around, temporarily.

I actually graduated High School, and shortly after that i met a guy that i can […]

10/23/2015 2 comments

Realizations

by lonelyinside 5/14/2013

written by lonelyinside

ive always thought that people ignored me. and since last year, it was proved. I was having a conversation the other day with one of my friends, and i had asked him if he’d ever noticed my arms, because by now, everyone had. and he said no. I then realized that i really am more invisible than i thought and ive always worry that the wrong person will notice and get me into trouble, but anyway i dont get how no one really noticed my screwed up arms. I mean, its not like theyre fading, they are in plain sight and i dont cover them […]

5/14/2013 0 comment

hmmm

by lonelyinside 5/8/2013

written by lonelyinside

it’s been awhile since i posted on here. I guess things are going okay, Ive had a lot going on lately actually

first off, ive had two of my close friends (both guys) confess to me that theyre suicidal and one told me that he had just took pills and i freaked out. i couldnt lose another friend, i wouldnt be the same if i was the only one who knew. and his reasons were the same as the other two boys who suceeded in the past two years. My other friend ruined it with his girlfriend and hes been dying everyday because she wont even […]

5/8/2013 0 comment

..Speechless..

by lonelyinside 4/18/2013

written by lonelyinside

How my life has changed these past months. I have officially stopped cutting for awhile now. I feel weird sometimes because i know that people can see all my scars and they immediately judge me, but dont say anything and i feel like maybe i shouldnt make other people uncomfortable like that..

Ive had my ex, the one from before, ask me back out and i couldnt do it, i had a really good friend ask me out too and it was awkward because i couldnt bring myself to tell him no to his face, i never answered him, I feel really guilty now. Im currently […]

4/18/2013 0 comment

Maybe i might be getting somewhere…?

by lonelyinside 3/20/2013

written by lonelyinside

wow, what i crazy past few weeks.

lets see, um i week ago, after not being able to talk to my bf for over a week, he actually messaged me back saying that it wasnt going to work out.. that he only asked me out on spur of the moment feelings and that he did care about me… what a load of crap. I actually did cut some more, and i do regret them this time. For once, i actually found someone that i wanted to be with and he dumped me. I feel like absolute shit.

Anyway my 16th birthday is in 25 days and my […]

3/20/2013 0 comment

Its got to stop somewhere

by lonelyinside 2/28/2013

written by lonelyinside

this is messing withÂ my thought process. The endless cycle of bad, then good, then worse.. I dont like making decisions that i know will hurt my other relationships, like with my friends. After 6 days on break, where i was out of energy to really think about anything, and have everyone repeatedly tell me that hes not worth it, hes a fat, ugly guy who cant be a athlete, etc. He decides he wants to be with me. I felt instantly better because this kid has changed me in ways i dont understand. I really want to explain this to my friends, but they […]

2/28/2013 0 comment

Do I have a sign saying “shes vunerable, take advantage” on my back?

by lonelyinside 2/23/2013

written by lonelyinside

This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best […]

2/23/2013 3 comments

Maybe its getting better?

by lonelyinside 2/19/2013

written by lonelyinside

I know i havent posted in awhile, but ive just had a lot of new stuff going on. Some good and some bad.

2 weeks ago i was bored and posted a picture of me on fb..didnt expect a guy that i used to be best friends with to be the first one to like it then message me. Didnt expect to get 20 comments on it, all from my family yelling me to smile. I had nothing to smile about, so why bother?
Lets see, 7 1/2 hrs later and a lot of texting, that guy asks me out, i say yes, and the […]

2/19/2013 1 comment

Another crappy day..why cant i get used to it?

by lonelyinside 1/30/2013

written by lonelyinside

I feel so stupid. yesterday i didn’t go to school, and so i was in my room, and i lit my candle. A piece of paper fell into it and caught on fire. I not thinking, grabbed it and got out of my room. I ended up with 2nd degree burns on my thumb. I feel great. My bf was at school today to turn in his books and say goodbye. He really isn’t coming back and i told myself that im stupid for actually thinking that his sister was wrong and he was coming back.

I really just want to escape […]

1/30/2013 2 comments

Going Downhill once again

by lonelyinside 1/25/2013

written by lonelyinside

found out the greatest news today from my friend. My bf, whom i havent seen since monday, isn’t coming back to school. Fucking Awesome. we’ve been together a little over 2 months and i was looking forward to a lot longer than that. She said it like it was nothing, and i was internally getting pissed off, which led to numbness and everyone thought i was pissed, becuase thats what my facial expression was. He got some kind of job and i don’t know how to deal with this. Things were finally getting better and I felt the world wasn’t constantly conspiring agaisnt me now, […]

1/25/2013 1 comment

I’m Trying

by lonelyinside 1/17/2013

written by lonelyinside

Life has gotten oddly in agreement with me lately. I have no idea why, though. It may be because my relationship with my bf has lasted 2 months so far, I have been cutting aÂ lot less lately, but i still do it. I recently decided to try some vodka from my house and that was something that i know wont become a habit, being under my parents thumbs all the time. I try soÂ hard not to explain everything about myself to my friendsÂ so they’ll finally understand to an extent what it’s like to be me. but they wont.

Scars-Papa Roach

I will not bow- […]

1/17/2013 2 comments

I need a break

by lonelyinside 12/13/2012

written by lonelyinside

I don’t know why i try anymore, honestly. it seems like everything i do actually does nothing in this world. I give my friends everything they ask for and keep my promises, you know, being a good friend, and they make up excuses, “oh, i had to stay home and watch my sister” or “I forgot” a couple weeks later. Dropping classes with me because it makes you too tired to be able to go hunting and leaving me to be with your cousin who buys you stuff. It’s crap because im supposed to be her friend, but she leaves me to be with her […]

12/13/2012 7 comments

Slow weeks lead to emotional tolls..

by lonelyinside 12/10/2012

written by lonelyinside

Hello again. I know that i havent been on in about aÂ week, And that week has been sluggish. I came home to my siblings calling me names and my mom and brother discussing how weird i am and whatnot. I havent cut since what? Tuesday and i have been really off. I have this project and one of the questions is “Your Top 10 regrets” and i dont know if i should go all out and be true, or keep it simple and lie, because my family and teacher will read it? I have a lot of regrets and some of them are secrets.

I […]

12/10/2012 3 comments

Why Me….

by lonelyinside 12/4/2012

written by lonelyinside

Really bad weekend.

Cut up my leg, my wrist again and a few on my side. My best friend says she doesn’t care, but then says that i need to stop and that my boyfriend is a juvenile delinquent and that i have bad taste and that im gonna end up doing drugs and who knows what else. I only want piercings and to dye my hair. Drugs and Drinking sounds awesome to help me escape, but im under lockdown and cant away from my horrible family. They are so immature. I didntÂ have an exact reason why i decided to mutilate myself again, just that […]

12/4/2012 0 comment

by lonelyinside 11/28/2012

written by lonelyinside

so my school decided to give out suicide prevention bracelets that say “Celebrate Life” and “Everyone Matters”. i think its crap, but i guess its for the recent senior who committed suicide last month..so i guess ill wear it.

been kind of happy lately only because i am with my first actual boyfriend and im talking to my best friend again who has recently began to cut herself again. I’m the only one who knows at this point and i cant do anything about it because shes been doing it forever, and doesnt listen to anyone anyway. This is a trigger for me and my family […]

11/28/2012 1 comment

What to do..

by lonelyinside 11/27/2012

written by lonelyinside

Hello. I’m 15 going on 16 and I have been cutting for about a year. All my friends know and they didnt help besides making me promise to stop, but they didnt know that all their drama and treating me like crap was the reason. I broke every promise and iÂ stopped over the summer and then started right back up when school started again. I have been able to hide it from my family, but my boyfriend does it too and every one of my friends did it in the past. I dont know how to stay away from all the drama at school […]

11/27/2012 0 comment